I shaved my head. It came to me while I was running tonight. The hair was getting out of control again, looking like something out of a 90's pompadour hairdo movie. So I thought this would be different. It feels different. I'd like to say this will help me get into a mindset of change in my life, but I doubt it. Drastic things don't normally make me change all my bad habits in a day. I guess I'll actually have to work hard to do the things to make my life better. Damnit!! If only shaving my head would do it!!!

Bad Boys! Bad Boys! What ya gonna do?!!

The friggin' cops showed up at work this morning! It wasn't /completely/ like an episode of COPS, but it had that flavor. Seems this girl (who is 17 and a high school drop out/part time pot fiend/alcoholic/recreational drug user) was either harassed or sexually assaulted by one of the guys who works for the company. And this guy is the adult version of all her worst qualities. Full blown coke addict from what I hear. Drinks while doing that, and is a complete moron to boot (and I think that was a problem before the drug use started). Just an all around fuck up. So the cops show up and he saw them in the parking lot, but he /had/ to come into work, because he would have been even worse off if he ran. So here they are, in the parking lot, cuffing him up. All the while, one of our other guys who was in the van with him runs off. Seems he has some outstanding fines and what not (plus he's black) so he thought that they were after him. He ran to the Burger King down the street and called us from there. Craziness. Needless to say, the rest of the day wasn't nearly as interesting.

Just Another Day

Days come and they go. Life moves in it's own inimitable way. Nothing amazing to report, but I felt the need to post nonetheless. Had fun with the peeps last night. Had fun with the peeps today. I might be picking up a couple nights at a golf supply store. Seems the only place I would like to work at that wouldn't give me too much crap to deal with. Add that to the nights I'll be spending singing with another chorus (all men) and a barbershop quartet, and I have a full week it seems. :) Which will mean I'll have to find a way to work out around this new schedule, and find time to do some art work. I haven't given up. I don't know if I ever will. It's funny how something so difficult to achieve, and something that has hindered me so much financially and with relationships is the one thing that keeps me going. Hope I guess. Hope that this will all work out at some point. Hope that this life isn't wasted. That I'm not spinning my wheels and making a fool of myself. And, as irony would have it, everything I see these days reinforces this idea. Everything I see and hear reminds me not to give up. That we all have our own path, and mine might be a little more round-a-bout then the normal one people usually take. But it leads me to where I want to be. I just can't stray from it. Not now, when I feel I'm close to something. Something is going to break this dam sooner or later, and I'll be there to take advantage of it. Fucking Rah.

Diary of a Dogsitter

Day 1: Dogs and I have re-introduced ourselves to each other and have started off smashingly. They love me. The licking's a bit much (especially the face. Ick! Not the face!) but all in all, I think we're going to be good pals. And There are frogs to take care of too! Woo!

Day 2: I came home from work to find a steaming present from one of the dogs lying on the kitchen floor. Guess I didn't get home in time. I'll have to try harder to get home sooner. And one of the froggies died. :( It was really small, so maybe it was sick already. The larger one seems fine though, and is happily jumping about his newly single pad.

Day 3: Have come home to find another pile of poo on the floor, and the sofa cushions are everywhere! The dogs are becoming hard to control. The smaller one seems to grin when I walk in, as if it's waiting for me to turn my back. I do not turn my back anymore. The large frog is starting to nip at the dead one. I think I'm going to have to find a way to get the dead one out without getting bit.

Day 4: I need reinforcements now!! The dogs have taken the kitchen and the dining room! I have barricaded them from the rest of the house by using a baby fence, but the big one is already gnawing through that! Will have to seek higher ground if the wall fails. The frog definitely killed the little frog! I can see it in his eyes!

Day 5: Lord help us all!! Save the women and the children!! MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!!! AAAAAHH!!!!!!!!................gggrrrggllllleeee........

Sha-Poopey!

I thought the dogs has calmed down after that first night of jitters, but I guess they haven't. Every time I open the door to my cousin's place, I eagerly await to see what they have destroyed or pooped on next. Last night, after I got home from a friend's house warming party, there was cushion foam all over the floor. Yum. They've destroyed about 3 of their little dolls they like to drag around, and this morning I think they didn't like the fact that I wanted to sleep in, because there was a present waiting for me in the hallway. Yup. Me and dogs have some issues we need to work out.

Dog Sitting?

It's not my first choice, but I do what I can for my peeps. So i am the happy? custodian of an American Stratfordshire Terrier & a Pug. They're both very cool dogs. Old enough to be fairly docile and very lovable. Though the terrier thinks she's the size of the pug, and wants to sit in my lap the entire time. Which wouldn't be too bad if she didn't try to lick my face all the time. I don't mind licking. JUST NOT THE FACE!! I got my beautiful, sensitive looks to think of after all.

So I'll be at my cousin's for the next week. Doing.....nothing much. Which isn't so bad. Just some unwind time I guess. Wish I could find a way to work out though. I'll have to think up something....

No, No, Really

The only reason I left the last post intact is that I think it's an honest representation of what I've been going through recently. I'm also glad that I read these things after I post them because my life isn't nearly as horrible as it sounds!! I know it might look like I'm about to jump off a building or something, but I'm not. It's just the depression talking. :p But Time does heal all wounds, and I am bound and determined to succeed in my chosen profession, and as much as my friends like to call me out in public, they also care for me greatly, I just wish they told me what I need to work on in a more private way. I have trouble with group therapy. :p So this is my apology for the depressing blogs of the past week or so. I promise things will at least sound funnier in the near future. :)

Time does heal all wounds

It's just a bitch waiting for time to get its sweet ass in gear. I haven't posted much in the last few weeks because there hasn't been much in the positive going on. Got another rejection letter from a publisher last week. Then I got a text message from the ex saying I'm in her thoughts all the time, but her new boyfriend doesn't like her to talk to me. I'll have to talk to my shrink to see how I should react to that. You like to be the good guy and say "That's ok. I understand." But then I figure I should do what my brother and cousins like to do. Don't chase 'em, replace 'em. And to top it all off, I somehow managed to get myself into a situation where 5 people were telling me how much of an asshole I am. Here I am trying to explain to people that I'm not mad or angry, and they're telling me I'm defensive and overly sensitive. Well of course I am going to be defensive! It's everyone versus me! Of course I'm going to stick up for myself, seeing as no one else in the room is. I tell you, with friends like these, who needs enemies! I've also been told I have a negative outlook on things. And while I don't totally disagree with this idea, I don't agree with it in a few specific ways. I figure if I was that negative, I wouldn't keep fighting to be an artist. I would have given up long ago. I may have trouble seeing the sunny side of relationships, and that's something I have to work on. Can't have a good feeling about a relationship if you bring baggage into every one. Yet I still managed to get suckered into hitting on women with my friend Gary (His name is Gaurav, but we decided he needed a bar name, as no woman could hear his name in a noisy bar). We've also decided that we're only going to hit on hot chicks from now on, as being completely ignored by ugly girls sucks ass. I mean, this one girl had a square jaw. And I don't mean kind of square, I'm talking Frankenstein square, and she looked at me like I was a beggar (which I probably did, as I hadn't shaved that day and didn't really care if she turned me down or not). Anyway, I didn't want to ramble, but I figured this is my blog and I can do what I want with it! So Nyah!! Take that reader!! MWHAHAHAH!!!!

(tomorrow should be better as I've vented today)

Why I hate the Weekends

This is a disclaimer for any of you all who feel happy right now. I'm not, so this post won't be all happy and bubbley. It may still be funny as I seem to have a singular wit when I'm feeling nihilistic like this. By the way, nihilistic basically means a feeling of not believing in anything.

Anyway. (it's funny that I worry about my grammar at times like this, but I know that Natalie reads this thing from time to time, so I'm conscious of the words I use, and her criticisms) I hate the weekends because it gives me too much time to think. Which, if you talk to some of my EXes is a problem of mine. Of course, some of my other EXes would say that I don't think enough about things. What I've come to realize is that every woman is different, and I seem to have a problem with pleasing any of them. I don't really think it's me. I mean, I'm sure at some point it is me. Ask them, and it's always been my problem that ended the relationship. But in the last week or so, I've noticed that I have a real problem just talking to women. They irritate me so. I now work with soley with men at a flooring company, and while there is still little dramas and crap that some of the idiots that we deal with do, I find that I fit in very well with the 3 or 4 guys who are in the office on a constant basis. No Women. And maybe that's the problem. It's a comfort zone. I don't have to worry about percieved nuances of conversations, things don't have to be repeated to me 16 times for me to understand it (even though I understood it the first time), and there is none of the male bashing that goes on in a typical environment dominated by women. If you've never been in one, go to an event or something that has only women, or is female dominated. Male bashing is a favorite pasttime. So my personal ego has risen somewhat, but when I talk to women now, I see how superficial and petty they all are. I'm not saying this is a female-wide epidemic. Oddly enough, all of my female friends from college are quite genuine people, who don't seem to pander to the female aesthetic of being bitchy, whiney, and superficial. As far as girlfriends go, only Natalie came close, but she had a tendency to be condescending to my status as an American (which apparently meant I was an idiot and deserving of the rebukes I received on a regular basis about my use of the English language). But I chalk that up to the gap between the oceans more than (see, I typed then instead of than, but I knew she might see it, and I know it's wrong, so I went back and fixed it! I'm so pathetic! But it helps my grammar, so I fix it anyway!) the male/female problem.

So here I am on a Friday night, painting (at least I'm doing something constructive I guess) and drinking some good wine. If you ever decide to get some wine, buy Ecco Domani. It's very cheap (about $8 a bottle) and the Chianti is superb. I had the Pinot Grigiot tonight, and that was pretty darn good too. My weekend is pretty much shaping up to be the same, though maybe without the wine.

Oh, and some highlights of my week. My grandparents are more selfish then I thought, as buying a new lawnmower for them has turned into a fiasco because I told them I would use it on other lawns then theirs. Apparantly this means it wouldn't be theirs, and they would rather I just keep using the one that burns oil and creates this horrible cloud of smoke that I choke on every time I mow their lawn. There's a whole political thing behind it, but I don't feel like getting into it. I was so mad last night that the second I got home I went to my room and passed out, slept for 12 hours, woke up and went to work. At least at work I don't have to think about the crap in my personal life. But now it's the weekend.

And I got another rejection letter from a publisher. At least I know they looked at it. Better than nothing I suppose.