So I was running again today (more like run-wheeze-walkforabit-run-wheeze-walkforabit, you get the idea) and I was getting all existential with myself. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I am lazy by nature, and while I have large ideas, and grandiose plans for myself, my apparant lack of motivational skills is seriously hampering my ability to get them accomplished. For instance. Last night. I wanted to drink. I eventually didn't (which is a good thing as I shouldn't be drinking on my medication, and I've been having bad reactions to alcohol in general when I drink too much anyway). But the only reason I didn't is because I was too lazy to figure out where I wanted to go to buy it. So I ended up going to 7-11 and bought, a mocha frappaccino, a smore's pop tart pack (just 2 of 'em in the pack, not the whole box. :p ) and an ice cream sandwich. The good kind with the big chocolate chip cookies on either end. And I ate it all, expecpt for one pop tart. I started to watch Bend it Like Beckham and whenever I watch movies, I always get guilty about my laziness. Because here are people who take care of their bodies and have discipline and the like. Especially in this movie, where they're playing soccer all the time. So I felt doubly fat and lazy. I've been painting, which is good, but I need to do more. I'm already behind on my self-imposed schedule, so I need to work hard to get back on it. But do I have the will to? I want to, no doubt about that. I just wish it wasn't so hard to get myself to do the things I know I have to do to succeed in life. Of course, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride, and I'd own a whole stable full of horses.

Had a really crappy day at work today, but I've decided there's not much I can do about how things shake out there, so no use complaining.  So I've decided to talk about a dream I had last night that involved my dad.  The anniversary of his death is coming up on the 4th, and I guess it's on the mind, but I had this crazy dream that had me laughing one second and crying the next.  It started out with me and some other people (never really saw them, but it felt like other family members)  in this house out in the country or somewhere non-city-like and we get this call from some guy who says he's got our father.  Not like ransom or anything like that, but that he cloned him or found some way to bring him back.  Something like that.  So we decide to go meet up with him.  And I know my mom was with me in the car, and maybe someone else, but I only remember her sitting next to me.  So we get to this restaurant that has a serving window, and I ask about my dad.  And the guy at the window says "He's right there."  And points to this plate of eggrolls!  I think my jaw hit the floor.  I was thinking "What the F is this?!!"  I picked one up and almost said "Dad?" when some people yelled over to me from a table over the way.  A wave of relief flooded through me when I realized my father hadn't been brought back as a chinese apetizer, but once I got to the table and saw my dad sitting there eating, laughing, talking, I just lost it.  I'm amazed I didn't wake up from how bad I felt in the dream.  It just hurt a lot.  Then I noticed he had these orangey type highlights in his otherwise black hair.  Of course, anyone who saw him before he died knew he had this reddish color or something dyed in his hair.  I had never seen it before and thought they had done it to get the grey out, until my mom told me he had done it himself.  I thought it was amazingly silly looking, so maybe that's why he looked a bit odd in the dream.  But it was just a very weird dream.  I miss the guy a lot.  Don't think about it like that as much anymore, but I think about him every day, one way or another.  Guess that means something.

Went to Kahunaville (caribbean themed restaurant/bar) last night with the girls from work.  It has a deck on the riverfront and has a nice little ambiance.  Around 9 or so the band started up and the girls just kept pouring in.  Lots of young ladies there.  It's fun to look.  Definitely fun.  Wish I could do more, but as with all things, you come up with reasons as to why you can't.  Mine is usually money right now.  Especially now since I think my car is telling me I need new breaks, and oil change, and maybe a new battery.  Ah, the spice of life.  Of well, I'm probably not in a good frame of mind to be dating anyway. I had a dream the other night that I was at this party with friends and was with a girl.  But I ended up dumping her at the end and gave her a list of reasons as to why I didn't want to see her any more. I even signed the damn thing!  And I'm not sure if I needed her to sign it to, but I wouldn't be surprised.  Like I had to have her written consent to agree to the reasons for me dumping her!  It was funny to think about, but I wonder if maybe I'm coming up with reasons why I can't date people.  Things that make you go hmmmmmmm......

Got back to running today.  And it actually felt like running, not glorified jogging.  Though with the bad wheel and all, the first part of it was trying to make sure I didn't hurt my ankle any more then I already have.  Everything seems to be ok though.  Now, if I could just figure out how to lose the gut.  Now that will be a challenge.

I went walking last night because I couldn't run.  When I got back I went to rest in my bed for a bit and promptly passed out.  THis was at 7:30.  I woke up at 11 or so and figured I might as well stay in bed, seeing as staying up till 2 in the morning wouldn't help me in the least.  So I had a nice, full night of rest.  Actually showed up to work early this morning instead of just in time!  Go me right?!  Wrong.  I had to be at a company-wide meeting at 8 am at another branch.  It was already getting toward 8:30.  So I hauled ass over to the other branch and of course EVERY branch manager in the northern district was there.  Including mine!  I figure I'm in for it tomorrow when she gets back from all the other meetings she had today.  But I haven't messed up much of anything recently, so I shouldn't get yelled at too much.....I hope. :P

Had a pretty good weekend.  Though my grandmother ended up in the hospital again.  Of course, when you're 83, things like that have to be expected.  Nothing serious, just some vertigo that they're trying to get figured out.  As for the beach, things were good.  But I have to say, that when you're surrounded by beautiful girl after beautiful girl, it all seems to just run into each other in the end.  I mean, I am by no means belittling what these girls do to keep themselves in shape.  They look wonderful, but is it bad of me to not seem interested in staring at every one of them?  I like to zero in on a few that strike my fancy and completely stalk them.  lol.  No, I just like to look right now.  I have to work at making more money so I can afford one first.  Can't take a girl out on one date and blow your entire two weeks worth of money that you've alloted yourself after bills.  And no girl wants to go out on one date every 2 weeks and then do nothing else after that.  Some day maybe, but right now I think I have to focus on my career.  Or I'll never be able to get out of this dangerous circle.

Seems I've been tagged to go to the Rehobeth branch tomorrow to do a day of power cold calling!!  Nothing like calling random fucking strangers to ask them to talk to some guy I barely know while working with a bunch of banking psychophants.  I hear these people down at the shore branches are fanatical about being bankers.  Whoopdy-frickin-doo.  Anyway, it gave me a good excuse to get down there before the real beach traffic hits tomorrow, and maybe hijinks will ensue. :)  Actually, I just did this post for the sole purpose of using the word ensue.  Just say it a few times.  Ensue.  Ensue.  Rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? :p

Wow. I might actually host something that people will actually, you know, show up to. How novel. This will be the first time in as long as I can remember where I put something together (a fantasy football league to be exact) that people A.) agreed to do. & B.) seem genuinely willing to participate in. Now as long as the world doesn't implode between now and Auguest 6th (the day of the draft for our teams) all should go well. Go me!

You know what is good? Spaghetti dinner with your grandparents. I go over there every Wednesday to see them and keep them some company. And they love it as much as I do. My grandfather looks forward to it like a child at Christmas. I get calls on my cell if I'm late. They really look forward to it, and so do I. Though today the sauce wasn't burnt. Pop has a nasty habit of leaving the burner on forever and a day, so the sauce kind of gets this very toasty type flavor to it. Today, I could actually taste the tomato in the sauce! LoL. I think it's funny, because my mother and aunt won't even touch his food, but I like the change from non-burnt food. Even his bread is burnt! You'd think the man would check in on his culinary efforts!! But I eat it with relish (not real relish, just a figure of speech kind of relish) and enjoy the crazy stories he tells me afterwards. Like today. He noticed my spiderman tie (which I need a replacement for as this one is getting a little long in the tooth) and immediately broke into a story about how he went to this party once with this HUGE tie! I couldn't think of him wearing something as goofy as that, but he's like that now. He talks all the time. Almost can't get him to shut up at times! Which is funny, because he didn't say word one to anyone when I was a kid. Maybe senility is setting in.....

And here I am again!! Aren't I just wonderful? Life moves on from the whole "relationship" thing. Played golf with the guys yesterday, got trashed afterwards. Ate good food, saw some fireworks. All in all a pretty good 4th of July. Now back to work and workouts. Too bad I couldn't get myself to do that tonight. *sigh* If only I could find a way to lose weight that didn't involve eating like a rabbit and running till I had a coronary. If you find something, let me know!

Hey! It's been a while. I've missed you so.....

Anyway, girls take up a lot of time. Just FYI. But I seem to have managed to meet someone, have a relationship, and break up with her within the span of two weeks. I don't know if it's a good thing or bad that my relationships are getting exponentially smaller in size time-wise or not. At least now I'll have money and time to spend on painting!! But getting a piece of ass would be nice once in a while. *sigh*. Ass. Anyway! My computer still hates my guts, so at least some things never change! :)