So I was running again today (more like run-wheeze-walkforabit-run-wheeze-walkforabit, you get the idea) and I was getting all existential with myself. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I am lazy by nature, and while I have large ideas, and grandiose plans for myself, my apparant lack of motivational skills is seriously hampering my ability to get them accomplished. For instance. Last night. I wanted to drink. I eventually didn't (which is a good thing as I shouldn't be drinking on my medication, and I've been having bad reactions to alcohol in general when I drink too much anyway). But the only reason I didn't is because I was too lazy to figure out where I wanted to go to buy it. So I ended up going to 7-11 and bought, a mocha frappaccino, a smore's pop tart pack (just 2 of 'em in the pack, not the whole box. :p ) and an ice cream sandwich. The good kind with the big chocolate chip cookies on either end. And I ate it all, expecpt for one pop tart. I started to watch Bend it Like Beckham and whenever I watch movies, I always get guilty about my laziness. Because here are people who take care of their bodies and have discipline and the like. Especially in this movie, where they're playing soccer all the time. So I felt doubly fat and lazy. I've been painting, which is good, but I need to do more. I'm already behind on my self-imposed schedule, so I need to work hard to get back on it. But do I have the will to? I want to, no doubt about that. I just wish it wasn't so hard to get myself to do the things I know I have to do to succeed in life. Of course, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride, and I'd own a whole stable full of horses.