I Love the Holidays

But I avoid shopping centers and malls like the plague unless I can get there during off peak hours (which means no weekend shopping!!) Went to get some shopping done the other night at the mall (and to pick up newly sized engagement ring) only to be frustrated by Macy's lack of a discernable insurance policy. They have one. It costs $175, and it only lasts 5 years. WTF?! I mean, what happens in 20 or 30 and the stone falls out! Jewelers will give you a lifetime warranty (though I bet you have to pay for their's also) and that's standard for them. Didn't help that the lady at the counter couldn't be bothered to deal with something as important as our engagement ring. Luckily I'm a vindictive individual and my aunt is a big wig in the company. So I'll feel better in the end. :) Though I'll probably do nothing, just be angry for a week, then move on. I don't want to ruin someone's life, just punish them a bit for making me sick to my stomach thinking about this ring business.

Anyway, the holidays are upon us!! Woo!

Oh Boy!!!

It's started. I wasn't expecting to visit theknot.com so soon, but there I was today, trying to figure out what part of this cornucopia of information I should dive into first. Last night we went to get the ring sized. Hell of a time that. I-95 was backed up beyond belief, so I sat for an hour at the restaurant talking to Bea on the phone, trying to keep her mind off the idea of purchasing a firearm for her vehicle. She finally made it and we had a good time running around the mall except for the part where we went to the other jewelry stores and the diamond snobbery came out. You know the type. They're the ones who make sure you know that the 3/4 carat diamond engagement ring you have to shell out money you don't have for the next year is nowhere near the quality they could have given you, and that you should take it back and get their diamonds because "Look how much better ours are than that little piece of crap you bought for her" Ugh. But, ever the positive mind I am trying to be, I really don't care what they think. I like the ring, Bea likes the ring. Tada. Problem solved. Now if we can just figure out when we're going to actually get married.......

December Already?!

Well. Time flies, don't it. I've been wanting to post for a while now, but haven't had any time. *Sob*

Anyway, some highlights:

Mom got married on the twelfth. Very nice time. They were kind enough to remember my father during the whole thing, and Bob (mom's new hubby) cried when he made his vows. Half the groomsmen showed up drunk, 10 minutes late for the service, and another one left before the pictures were taken because he wanted to get to the open bar at the hall ASAP. Mind you these were my uncles. *Note to self. Do not include uncles in my wedding party*

Went to a christening with Barbara and her family. There were 3 other families having the same service done for them at the same time, and there were about 50 or 60 children in this church and it was like a mad house. The priest is having to yell over all the screaming. Kids are yelling and running around and no one could do anything about it. It was hilarious and frightening all at once. *Note to self. No infants at wedding service. Want to hear priest without the use of a hearing aid*

By far the most fucked up part of the last few weeks was a 2nd cousin of mine (though in my family that means he's basically immediate family) being murdered. He actually lived on the other side of my neighborhood. Anyway, last Tuesday he was supposed to go and testify at this guys trial who had broken into his house last year. At 4 in the morning, someone broke into his house, set it on fire, beat him up, or somehow dragged him out of the house, took him in his truck a couple of miles away, beat his head in till it was a pulp and set him on fire in his truck before taking off. Really effed up situation. Now he was something of a drug user. No one knows how much he was into it, but I wonder if this had something to do with that more than the guy who broke into his house. Though I'd rather the Sopranos episodes stay on TV.

Finally, I'm going out with the girl tomorrow for a good time up in Lancaster, then taking a candlelit tour through historic Woodstown, NJ. She's excited, but I'm looking forward to Saturday when I'll be shopping at my aunt's Macy's store for her X-mas present. She's only getting one thing, but it's small, shiny and I'm pretty sure she'll be appreciative of it. ;P

Rebounds

So the girl asks me to come over last night, spend some quality time. I say "Hey! I'll make dinner!" as the waste line needs to be looked at, what with all this bad food I've been eating lately. Get there, make dinner, but she's in a mood (seems to be a thing for women. Fine one second, moody the next). Anyway, long story short, it was kind of a frosty night, but I was willing to chalk it up to just one of those days when we're not in sync (a couple boy band songs spring to mind suddenly). She calls this morning, letting me know how much she liked the food (even though she wasn't singing praises for it when she was eating it) and that she was sorry for being moody. I said ok, still feeling like it was a little too late for that, but then I get flowers with a card delivered to the desk here. It says, "For all that you are, all that you do." Now I'm not much of a flower kind of guy. Actually there was a bug in the bunch who is now happily annoying me by being alive, but I was kind of irked last night because here I am, going out of my way to do something, and wasn't getting much in return. And while the apology was nice, the gesture of the flowers let me know that she's willing to go out of her way to to show me she cares. Very sweet. Nice rebound. :)

Prophetic am I

As most people know and remember, my screen name and username for a lot of things is Malachi. Always liked it, was talked into keeping it by Mike and Alan a while back when I thought it was cool to change my screen names every month. Well, Sunday at church, they read from the book of Malachi. And I knew then, things were going to go well. And they have! My fantasy football team creamed the guy I was playing, my portfolio got printed incorrectly at Staples, so they didn't charge me the $86 I was going to have to pay, but I can salvage about half the job, so that'll cut my costs in half. And I'm not sure of anything else at the moment, but I figure 2 good things is better than no good things. :) Oh, and I was Harry Potter for Halloween. Pics forthcoming...

COPS!! AGAIN!!

For those of you who actually follow this thing, you may have read about an incident back in June or so where one of our guys was arrested in our parking lot for trying to molest a 17-year-old girl who worked for us. Well, now one of my good buddies, Dave, is caught in the middle of a tradgedy. If you don't want to read the article (or can't) the long and short of it is that he had been seeing a woman from his church choir for a little less than a week before her husband (who she was getting divorced from) shot her to death Friday night. And he killed her /because/ of another man (ie; Dave). So needless to say he's a bit broken up about all of this. But it's just kind of surreal. Was huge in the news and all, and I went to the service tonight to show some support with the rest of the crowd from the shop. Surprisingly enough, I ran into a lot of random people I wouldn't have predicted would be there. One of my old customers from the bank, one of my cousin's good friends, and the guy who got arrested for molesting that girl!! Guess he got a leave of absense from jail for this one. *sigh*

I Love the Rain

There is no feeling like the one a rainy day creates for me. The pitter patter on the roof. The misty look of the land outside. It's like a dreamy feeling for me. You can sit inside, cozied up under a blanket, having some hot soup or a piping hot cup of cocoa. It's just soothing for me. Ever since I was a kid I've loved the rain. Maybe because it was dark outside, which reminds me of night time, and I'm much more of a night person than a day person. :p

From Kentucky!!

Whew!! Been a while, no? Sorry about that. Been busy with work and the woman. Seems I had the same problem keeping up with the blog the last time I had a girlfriend. But I'll do my best to keep up regardless. As far as the woman is concerned, things are going very well. We're both coming from the same place with regards to our past relationships, so while we're playing things cautiously, we both really like what the other person does and where they are going. Good times. But I'm in Kentucky right now!! Fun in the sun while my cousin gets married. Right now I'm by myself on my grandfather's farm. I think I'm really lucky to be able to come and feel at home at a place like this. It's very cathartic to go to the country from time to time. Peace, quiet, a sense of connection with nature you don't quite get in a city. I love it. Would love to retire to a place like this. Maybe some day I will. ;) As for now, I need to go do some drawing. First time in a while I can just relax and doodle. :) Yum!

Yummy! :P

Had a great time last night. And it's Fondue, not Fondu. Now I know, and knowing is half the battle! G.I. Joe!!!

It was a pretty cool place. Not as expensive as I feared, but that's probably because I had built this $100 ticket in my head. :p It was about $60 which was fine. The guy made our cheese dish right there in front of us and I was surprised that as hot as the cheese had to be to melt and stay that way, that once you dipped something into it and pulled it out, it cooled immediately. Then we had some salad, and finally they brought out this very flavorful pot of broth and an assortment of raw meats and fish. Didn't know I had to cook it myself though!! Sheesh. That's all I need. I can either give her e-coli or salmanila. Pick your poison!! But I think everything cooked up well enough, except the potatoes. I kept pulling them out, thinking they were done, but they never did completely cook. :p So that was all wonderful. Then we went to the riverfront area downtown. It's been built up over the last few years and has outlet stores and nice restaurants, but the main feature last night was the walk along the water. Very nice. Very romantic. Had a great time. We were going to do something on Saturday together, and still are, but we both can't wait to see each other again, so we're going to chill at her place on Thursday, which is tomorrow!! Yikes! I just realized that! lol. OK. Must try to work now.

Busy Weekend

http://personals.yahoo.com/us/personals-1093401040-078375

Whew. Finally have a few minutes to sit back and reflect on the weekend. Friday nights at home don't get much better than they did this Friday. :) Good times. Saturday was fun. Although the seminar was geared more toward writers than illustrators. Which I can see why, as there were probably 6 or 7 writers for every illustrator. YAY!! Less competition for me! So I made some connections there, got some questions answered and had some of my own ideas on how to market my work validated by some people in the industry. Overall, a productive, albeit non-job-creating day. Got home and got to randomly talking to this girl who I met through Yahoo Personals. The conversation went something like this.

Her: I'm hungry.
Me: What are you going to do about that?
Her: Are you asking me out to dinner?
Me: Eeerrrr.....I am?
Her: It sounds like you're asking me out.
Me: I am?
Her: Where are you going to take me?
Me: Uuuhhh.....where do you want to go?
Her: I don't know, you're the one who asked me out! :)
Me: I did?

And so we ended up at a bar near her around 10ish and talked till about 1 in the morning before she decided it was dancing time. I think I was the only white guy in the joint on the floor, but I held my own pretty well. :) I still can't lead though. Wiggling my hips works for me, but not in time with a woman! We're working on it though. Tonight we're going to a place called the Melting Pot. One of those new-fangled Fondue restaurants. I hear it's pretty good, but a little on the expensive side. Oh well. She's a lot of fun, and scarily like me in her thought processes. We were up till 5 in the morning talking last night. Exciting! Strange and new, but exciting!

Resolutions

So I didn't drink at the party on Saturday. Wasn't too happy about it, but I was feeling vindictive and wanted to really stick it to my brother for thinking I'm an alcoholic. But, after talking to some people I trust, I've decided I'm right and I shouldn't handcuff myself to make someone else feel better. So I had a few beers on Sunday during the games. I'm glad. And while I'm glad my brother and others care, I shouldn't have to tailor my life to accomodate them. The therapist agrees wholeheartedly. I was almost wondering if he was going to say I don't need to see him every week, but he wants money, so he didn't. :p In other news, I will be going on a date Sunday morning. I know, the morning? Me? Should be interesting. But I like pancakes on Sunday morning, and there is a gallery up in PA that's free till noon on Sundays, so it'll be a cheap date, and I can kill two birds with one stone. :)

Rant Time

Can I just say that I fucking hate it when people try to be the voice of my conscience. Now I will admit, that I like a drink from time to time. I probably drink once or twice a week. On bad weeks, I might drink once every couple of nights, but I feel that I am in no way an alcoholic. Typically I can't even drink at parties because everyone is so busy getting drunk that I have to stay sober to drive the older folk home. No one remembers that shit. They only remember that I end up having like 8 six packs lying on the floor next to my computer because I'm too much of a lazy ass to go and recycle them like I should instead of just throwing them in the regular trash at home. I tend to like to build them up a bit so I'm not making crazy trips there every week, but even that's dumb because I could walk there from my house! So that's my fault for being a slob I guess. But it makes it look like I /always/ have beer lying around. And even if I did, at least I'm not driving anywhere and doing that! I'm at home, having a few beers at the end of the day! Fuck me if I have a few vices. But, in the interest of fair play (and to show these fuckers up for their high and mighty fucking attitudes) I'm done with the drinking. At least a year, maybe more. Who knows. Maybe I won't touch a drink till my bachelor party or when I get my first book published. That sounds like an honroable time to have a drink. But with all the fucking parties this family has, and all the alcochol they shovel down their throats, to call me an alcholic seems just a teeny bit hipocritical. Just a bit. Fuckers

REALLY Deep Thoughts

I have come to the conclusion that I am not a multi-tasker by nature. Oh, I may force myself to do a couple of things at once during working hours; like listen to someone speak and write what they say down, but I obviously can't think and do something else at the same time. Or do that something else in conjunction with anything else without thinking. I was driving home from therapy the other night, thoughts flying around in my head, and before I knew it, I was home. I don't even remember making turns, changing lanes, anything!! Thank god for automatic pilot.

In a bit of interesting news, it seems my past is finally catching up to me. In the few short months I have been working at the flooring company, I have run into more people from my past than I did in the 25 years I've lived in the 2nd smallest state in the union. My old scout master, the wife of my cousin's asshole dad, the son of my parents' best friends from their early days together, and the younger sister of a girl I was in grade school with. She's married and has 2 kids!! Sheesh!! But in each case, it was good times and good memories, which I feel is a good thing. :) It's all good.

My Holiday Weekend

Friday Night: Nothing much happening. Don't remember anything significant.

Saturday Night: Took care of the Pops. Made sure he stayed as sane as an 84-year-old man can.

Sunday Night: Went to the cuz's hourse for a while, saw some peeps, ate some food, got another call from the grandparents to geriatric sit for the night. Did so. Good times.

Monday (Labor Day): No geriatric sitting. Plenty of good food, good fun. We had a full dance card as everyone called to invite us over. We did the appropriate thing, and spent some time everywhere! Oh yeah!!

Tuesday: Confront boss about not getting more than one week of vacation next year.

And they wonder why I drink?

So here I am, on a Labor Day Saturday, painting diligently (well, mostly diligently), trying to see what the peeps are up to tonight (though I would have appreciated someone calling me and letting me know if anything was up, but I've come not to expect those calls) and now I will be spending the night at my grandparents house. To preface this, my grandfather went to the hospital earlier this week with some coughing fits and what not. Didn't stay more than a couple of hours, but he's scared something might happen, so I got conscripted. Now I love my grandparents, I'm going to do it regardless, but they're not MY parents! What about their 5 kids, my mom and aunts and uncles? Why can't they stay the night? What about the 11 other people I call cousins and siblings? My sister says she can't because she has to worry about paying for gas. SHE MAKES MORE IN A WEEK THAN I DO!! Fucking excuses. Everyone's got 'em, I'm the only one who chooses to ignore mine I guess. I mean, I can read my book, talk to the pops (always an interesting time now that he tells me how much he misses "putting the root" as he calls it, to the ladies. So while other people get to run around doing their random crap, leaving me out in the meanwhile, I get to geratric-sit. Again, I don't harbor any ill will toward my grandparents, I just wish people would pay all three of us a little more attention.

Random Crap

Some highlights over the last week:

Sleep is good. Thinking about doing more of it some day.

Therapy is going well. The Doc is a nice guy, has good suggestions, the whole trust thing is coming along nicely.

Must find ways to work harder on being consistent with painting, working out, creating schedules. HOW DO YOU PEOPLE DO IT?!!! Must be willpower. Need to pick some of that up at WalMart

Gas prices are just insane. It's not even funny anymore. Want to see riots? Wait till you see $4 a gallon.

What Time is It?!! It's Game TIME!! Go Eagles!!

The weather's changed

I only get sick twice a year. When the weather goes from cold to warm in the Spring, and it goes from hot to cool in the Fall. So I now have a sinus issue that's been going on since Friday. Today it comes with a side of headache. Could be worse though. It doesn't put me out of commission like other people, and at least one nostril isn't clogged up, so I don't have to breath through my mouth!

In other news, we had our fantasy football draft yesterday. Things went well with that. The Jedi Knights will rise up and take the championship this year!!! HUZZAH!!

After that, we had a cocktail/engagement party for my mom and Bob. It was nice. Met a lot of his peeps, good times. Mom looked great. Had this white dress, curled hair, people thought she was in her thirties. Her uncle (my grandfather's brother) said Bob's too old for her. My grand dad asked him how old he thought my mom was, and he thought for sure she was 35. My brother's about 31, so I can only guess he thinks my brother is barely out of high school! Either that, or my mom adopted. hmmmm......that would explain some things.

Moms

The great thing about mothers is their uncanny ability to know when you need to hear something. Like when you think things aren't going nearly as well as you had planned them to, and that no one could give a rat fuck about your problems, here comes mom telling you how proud she is of you, and that everything will be ok.

Go mom.

In other news, I have gone against my new policy of not reading books I have already read and gone back to the Prisoner of Azkaban in the Potter series. I figure I read these books fast enough that I can read from there to the Half Blood Prince by November, if not sooner. As long as I can get to C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia by the time the movie comes out in December, I'll be happy, so I'll take the risk. :)

Bad Filters

I need new filters. And an oil change, some new tires, and maybe a memory wipe. I had my first session with the new therapist tonight. He seems like a nice guy. He's not placating or waiting for me to answer my own questions. I like that. But my homework this week is to figure out what filters I have placed in my mind to help me understand what people are saying to me. Right now, it looks like all of my filters are geared toward self defense and preservation, so I have to delve back into my past and identify what these filters are. Then we'll work on understanding why they're there, and finally remaking them so that I don't take what people say to heart, or the wrong way, or completely misundestand them like I do at the moment. Ah, therapy.

Moving Day

Lots of stuff happening today. If you pay attention to my sidebar at all, you will notice that I have started a new book that does not have "Star Wars" in the title. That is because I have finally finished the 20-odd book long New Jedi Order series. It was a great series. lots of twists and turns, along with some surprises I never thought the series was capable of until I read it. So I've moved on there. I've also bought a new car. Couldn't pass up the deal I got, as it was $4,000 cheaper than the Blue Book price for it. So hopefully I won't be paying many repair costs in the near future. Just monthly car payments. :p Oh well. The peeps at the house wanted my old car as the backup in case someone needs to use a car when theirs breaks down. So I was going to have to replace it regardless. Now I have a 2004 Oldsmobile Alero. Nice car. basically the same as my pontiac, only newer. Yum! And I now have high speed internet. granted, I didn't get the deal I wanted ($20 a month forever) but I'll be paying the same for a cable connection that I currently pay for dial up. So I can't complain. Now I just have to pay all these new monthly bills! Gah!!!

Boogity

I have no good reason to post anything today. But I figure my fans don't care what I've done, they just want to live vicariously through me. Plus I wanted to update my sidebar. :)

Went to a chinese buffet last night. Now I remember why I stopped going to them in the first place. Sucked my ass, but the waitresses were all cutie pie little asian girls. Yum Yum! Then went to see the new Duece Bigalow with my ambiguously gay friend. Neither of us are gay mind you, but when you go and hang out with your peeps afterwards, and they ask you what you've been up to, and you say you caught dinner & a movie with your guy friend, you kind of leave yourself open to those sorts of comments. ;p I must admit though, I think I'm getting better at handling people's comments. It's just a matter of understanding that they wouldn't say it if they thought it would really hurt my feelings. I just know I can't give it back. My snide comments usually hurt people's feelings. Gotta work on that some more I guess. :)

I have refound my dry erase board and have given it a good once over to get all the cobwebs off it. Now I have a visual reminder of what I have to do to get the art done. First, finish open paintings. Second, Update my website, especially getting the sketchbook part up. Third, Collect all of my receipts for things like printing my book, paint supplies, mailing costs, etc. so if I actually make some money this year, I have it all ready for my taxes. Fourth, Start new projects. Have to keep the juices flowing. And finally, Clean the fucking place up a bit. It's not messy, just unorganized. know what I mean?

Didn't go to the museum. Went golfing instead. Good times. Though it rained some and I was my usual, inconsistent self. But I still played pretty well for my standards, so yeah. I don't really know what I'm talking about right now. But I figured you might want to know. :)

Painting's good, mmkay.

I wish I could do this all day every day. Eventually I will, and life will be good. But for now I only have Sayurdays to look forward to. I do get some drawing done during the week, which helps me prepare for painting on the weekend. Now I just have to finish my paintings. :p I think I'm going to see the Delaware Art Museum again tomorrow. I want to go a lot. See the early Illustrator's works as often as I can. It helps me keep focused.

Four years ago today my father passed away. Miss ya man.

This too, shall pass.

Hopefully sooner than later. It all started last Wednesday when my car stalled on one of the busier highways during rush hour. That was fun. Watching 20 cars and a couple semis either slam on their brakes or swerve at the last second. So I finally got it started again, and trundled it down to my uncle's shop (where it still resides). And not 20 minutes after I get home I get another surprise. Now this is very embaressing and quite awkward in nature, so if you have a light stomach, don't read until there's a break in the paragraph....still there?....ok. So I've had this rash around my lower abdomen, upper legs, yada yada yada, for the last few weeks. I thought it might be jock itch, as I've never had it before. Well, as some of the rash went away, I saw little brown spots in place of the red ones. I figured it was just dried skin, like a scab or something. That was until I saw one of them move!! I freaked. Crabs came to mind immediately. So I went to the pharmacy, got some lice shampoo and proceeded to cover my entire hairy ass body in this goo. At least they made it smell like watermelon. So I took the next day off, saw the doctor, and it seems you can't have crabs /all/ over your body. I had body lice. Yum. You can get it from staying in hotels or beds or touching clothing that has them on it. So be wary of strange bedrooms. ;)

Anyway, for those of you who skipped to this point, wussies. But you're probably not scarred for the rest of your life either, so good call. And so I go car shopping tomorrow, along with mowing the lawn! WOO!! I love it. Drrrroooooollll........

I don't understand people some times. One minute they're throwing cheeky little barbs at you about your job performance, the next they're singing your praises. It's all very confusing. Some day I may figure this all out. For now though, I need to draw, paint, be creative in general. So I shall keep this one short. (Also because nothing has happened to me lately.)

Ok. I lied. I just saw the coolest thing on TV. I love the Food Network. Some supermarkets have come out with a shopping buddy. You go to the store, place your personal key into the small, handheld device, and it'll basically allow you to do all your shopping through it. You can place an order with the deli, and it'll send you an email when it's ready, you can email home if you need to ask a question (though who doesn't have a cell phone now), it'll tell you your shopping history, give you coupons, recipes, and there's a local GPS for the store, so you can see where you are and where the item you're looking for is. Awesome. It even comes with a little scanner, so you can check yourself out. Coolness.

Update me!

So I took the good meds my cousin gave me. They didn't kick in till 3 in the morning. And my legs were still sore yesterday. I must have some freaky crazy immune system, because heavy duty drugs don't affect me like other people, and I must be the only person on the planet who can't get high from pot. I took about 5 good tokes from my cousins bowl a few weeks ago and didn't feel a damn thing. I guess it'll bode well if some terrorist tries to use a pot bomb on the US, but I don't think the odds are in my favor to become a national hero that way.
On a side note, that guy who called for me the other night had the wrong number. He was looking for someone to produce a show for the Washington D.C. Pops Orchestra. The "Mike" he was talking about was some dancer! I had this conversation with him at about 7:30 in the morning on my way to work, so I didn't really understand what he was talking about at first. I did try to tell him I could design the stage and what not (which I have absolutely not experience doing, but hey, I gotta try don't I?). I did however get a publisher to talk to me today, so I'm going to overnight my book to them tomorrow and see what kind of havoc I can wreak next week.

I HURT!!!

You know. You try to give 110%. You want to be a team player you know. So I ran home after work to cut the lawn before the daily rain shower from the 110% humidity hit. As I'm mowing along this small stone wall toward the front of the lawn, lo and behold a nest of yellow jackets attacks me!!! Now one yellowjacket is a nasty customer. I got about 8 of them. All in the back of my knees!!! Like the most sensitve part of my body outside of my balls and my facial orifices! Of course one or two lucky bees stung my temple too. Bastards. To give you an idea of what it feels like, think of getting stabbed by a sewing needle every 10 seconds. Now multiply that by about 8 or 10 different spots on my leg, and one on the head. I did however get a chance to take my first dose of some serious meds. My cousin has these pills called Duladin. Now from what I've been told, these little white pills are supposed to knock the hell out of you. Most people just take a half of a tablet that is half the size of an eraser head. I've taken a whole one, and the pain is a little less, but I'm doubtful that I can sleep it's so annoyingly painful. I did get a call today from some guy who directs an orchestra. Seems a "Mike" I know recommended me for some artwork they want to do. Don't know if that's Heroux or Wunder, but I'm appreciable either way. Plus I've put together a list of possible publishers I want to visit next month. I'd like to take two days and make a trip up there, see if I can't talk someone into giving me some work. Now I must go and whimper in my bedpillows.

Whine me and Dine me baby

I love my job. Oddly enough, working for a flooring company can be a relaxing thing. As long as I don't have any vested interest in how things go, life is grand. :) The guys are cool, we joke and poke fun at each other all day long (which, I think, is helping me get over my problem of being overly sensitive/defensive to such comments), and at the end of the day I go home. Though now I'm dreaming of work. Calling people and asking them why they haven't paid us yet apparantly fills up a large part of my mind these days. :p But it's good. No stress, ok pay, and good times. I even got free donuts and hot dogs for lunch today!! Rah!!

On a side note, I randomly talked to the ex the other night. She IMed me. Went well in that cordial, "Hey, how are you" sense. But I realized afterward how bitter and angry I still am about the whole thing. The idea that I'm not good enough for someone just sticks in my craw, but, since there's not a whole hell of a lot I can do about that now, no use in worrying about it. I have other plans and other things to occupy myself with for the time being, so life moves on. But I think I'm going to have to ask her to stop talking to me. I have two options. Tell her I've met someone else, and she doesn't like that I talk to my ex (which is what she says her new boyfriend tells her) or tell her my therapist said it was in my best interests to sever ties with her (which wouldn't be true, since I haven't seen a therapist yet, but I have a feeling that's what they would tell me to do). Ah! Decisions. Decisions.

Car Troubles

You've heard that old quip that goes "If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all." That seems to apply to me and my car these days. Poor little Rosey. She just can't make it through a month anymore without something breaking. Now it's the altinator. For real this time. Conked out on me while I was trying to limp it over to my uncle's shop. But i'm not really put out by it. Things happen. No use getting all mopey about it. Which is funny since I get bent out of shape about some of the silliest shit. :p LoL Hell. I don't even know what sets me off anymore. But apparantly getting stranded on the road isn't it.

Good Times

We had a surprise 50th birthday party for my uncle on Friday. This was my big coming out party with the bald head. My grandmother almost fell backward in the parking lot. My grandfather couldn't stop giggling (which for a gruff old Italian was kind of creepy), and my god-father says I must have done it to be more like him. (Though, to be honest, I'm about 1 of 3 people in my family who isn't bald anyway, so I don't know how much truth there is to that statement. This nice thing is, I can grow mine back if I want to. ;p )

Anyway, we get toward the end of the night, and my grandparents are drunk (they /never/ drink) and my grandfather's brother and his wife are alcoholics anyway. But my great uncle was completely gone. He would have fallen over, face first on the floor no less, if I hadn't been standing right next to him. So I take him and my great aunt back to their place. Now mind you, this man couldn't hear a 747 landing in his backyard, and she can't see how many fingers you're holding in front of her face in broad daylight. And here I am, sidestepping my way up the sidewalk to their house, him in my right arm, yelling her name to see where she's at and stumbling into the bushes and anything else that's remotely close to crash into, and her in my left, trying to judge the next step while yanking my arm out of it's socket. But like I told them, for all the times people have helped me through the same thing, I figure I'm due to help someone else. ;)

Then there was Sunday. Helped little sis move some stuff into the new place she has, but before that, we had to stop over my godfather's. He's digging this huge trench in his backyard for a patio and a brick oven (mmmm....brick oven pizzas). My brother and I decided to help him out since we're good guys like that. This would have worked out splendidly if I had brought some gloves with me. You see, when you use a pick ax to break up the ground for the shovels, it kind of turns your hands into a bloddy pulp. I didn't really notice it until they looked like they had been through a meat grinder, but hey, at least my uncle didn't have to throw his back out doing all this hard labor. :p Once the scabs heal I'm sure I'll be ok.....

I shaved my head. It came to me while I was running tonight. The hair was getting out of control again, looking like something out of a 90's pompadour hairdo movie. So I thought this would be different. It feels different. I'd like to say this will help me get into a mindset of change in my life, but I doubt it. Drastic things don't normally make me change all my bad habits in a day. I guess I'll actually have to work hard to do the things to make my life better. Damnit!! If only shaving my head would do it!!!

Bad Boys! Bad Boys! What ya gonna do?!!

The friggin' cops showed up at work this morning! It wasn't /completely/ like an episode of COPS, but it had that flavor. Seems this girl (who is 17 and a high school drop out/part time pot fiend/alcoholic/recreational drug user) was either harassed or sexually assaulted by one of the guys who works for the company. And this guy is the adult version of all her worst qualities. Full blown coke addict from what I hear. Drinks while doing that, and is a complete moron to boot (and I think that was a problem before the drug use started). Just an all around fuck up. So the cops show up and he saw them in the parking lot, but he /had/ to come into work, because he would have been even worse off if he ran. So here they are, in the parking lot, cuffing him up. All the while, one of our other guys who was in the van with him runs off. Seems he has some outstanding fines and what not (plus he's black) so he thought that they were after him. He ran to the Burger King down the street and called us from there. Craziness. Needless to say, the rest of the day wasn't nearly as interesting.

Just Another Day

Days come and they go. Life moves in it's own inimitable way. Nothing amazing to report, but I felt the need to post nonetheless. Had fun with the peeps last night. Had fun with the peeps today. I might be picking up a couple nights at a golf supply store. Seems the only place I would like to work at that wouldn't give me too much crap to deal with. Add that to the nights I'll be spending singing with another chorus (all men) and a barbershop quartet, and I have a full week it seems. :) Which will mean I'll have to find a way to work out around this new schedule, and find time to do some art work. I haven't given up. I don't know if I ever will. It's funny how something so difficult to achieve, and something that has hindered me so much financially and with relationships is the one thing that keeps me going. Hope I guess. Hope that this will all work out at some point. Hope that this life isn't wasted. That I'm not spinning my wheels and making a fool of myself. And, as irony would have it, everything I see these days reinforces this idea. Everything I see and hear reminds me not to give up. That we all have our own path, and mine might be a little more round-a-bout then the normal one people usually take. But it leads me to where I want to be. I just can't stray from it. Not now, when I feel I'm close to something. Something is going to break this dam sooner or later, and I'll be there to take advantage of it. Fucking Rah.

Diary of a Dogsitter

Day 1: Dogs and I have re-introduced ourselves to each other and have started off smashingly. They love me. The licking's a bit much (especially the face. Ick! Not the face!) but all in all, I think we're going to be good pals. And There are frogs to take care of too! Woo!

Day 2: I came home from work to find a steaming present from one of the dogs lying on the kitchen floor. Guess I didn't get home in time. I'll have to try harder to get home sooner. And one of the froggies died. :( It was really small, so maybe it was sick already. The larger one seems fine though, and is happily jumping about his newly single pad.

Day 3: Have come home to find another pile of poo on the floor, and the sofa cushions are everywhere! The dogs are becoming hard to control. The smaller one seems to grin when I walk in, as if it's waiting for me to turn my back. I do not turn my back anymore. The large frog is starting to nip at the dead one. I think I'm going to have to find a way to get the dead one out without getting bit.

Day 4: I need reinforcements now!! The dogs have taken the kitchen and the dining room! I have barricaded them from the rest of the house by using a baby fence, but the big one is already gnawing through that! Will have to seek higher ground if the wall fails. The frog definitely killed the little frog! I can see it in his eyes!

Day 5: Lord help us all!! Save the women and the children!! MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!!! AAAAAHH!!!!!!!!................gggrrrggllllleeee........

Sha-Poopey!

I thought the dogs has calmed down after that first night of jitters, but I guess they haven't. Every time I open the door to my cousin's place, I eagerly await to see what they have destroyed or pooped on next. Last night, after I got home from a friend's house warming party, there was cushion foam all over the floor. Yum. They've destroyed about 3 of their little dolls they like to drag around, and this morning I think they didn't like the fact that I wanted to sleep in, because there was a present waiting for me in the hallway. Yup. Me and dogs have some issues we need to work out.

Dog Sitting?

It's not my first choice, but I do what I can for my peeps. So i am the happy? custodian of an American Stratfordshire Terrier & a Pug. They're both very cool dogs. Old enough to be fairly docile and very lovable. Though the terrier thinks she's the size of the pug, and wants to sit in my lap the entire time. Which wouldn't be too bad if she didn't try to lick my face all the time. I don't mind licking. JUST NOT THE FACE!! I got my beautiful, sensitive looks to think of after all.

So I'll be at my cousin's for the next week. Doing.....nothing much. Which isn't so bad. Just some unwind time I guess. Wish I could find a way to work out though. I'll have to think up something....

No, No, Really

The only reason I left the last post intact is that I think it's an honest representation of what I've been going through recently. I'm also glad that I read these things after I post them because my life isn't nearly as horrible as it sounds!! I know it might look like I'm about to jump off a building or something, but I'm not. It's just the depression talking. :p But Time does heal all wounds, and I am bound and determined to succeed in my chosen profession, and as much as my friends like to call me out in public, they also care for me greatly, I just wish they told me what I need to work on in a more private way. I have trouble with group therapy. :p So this is my apology for the depressing blogs of the past week or so. I promise things will at least sound funnier in the near future. :)

Time does heal all wounds

It's just a bitch waiting for time to get its sweet ass in gear. I haven't posted much in the last few weeks because there hasn't been much in the positive going on. Got another rejection letter from a publisher last week. Then I got a text message from the ex saying I'm in her thoughts all the time, but her new boyfriend doesn't like her to talk to me. I'll have to talk to my shrink to see how I should react to that. You like to be the good guy and say "That's ok. I understand." But then I figure I should do what my brother and cousins like to do. Don't chase 'em, replace 'em. And to top it all off, I somehow managed to get myself into a situation where 5 people were telling me how much of an asshole I am. Here I am trying to explain to people that I'm not mad or angry, and they're telling me I'm defensive and overly sensitive. Well of course I am going to be defensive! It's everyone versus me! Of course I'm going to stick up for myself, seeing as no one else in the room is. I tell you, with friends like these, who needs enemies! I've also been told I have a negative outlook on things. And while I don't totally disagree with this idea, I don't agree with it in a few specific ways. I figure if I was that negative, I wouldn't keep fighting to be an artist. I would have given up long ago. I may have trouble seeing the sunny side of relationships, and that's something I have to work on. Can't have a good feeling about a relationship if you bring baggage into every one. Yet I still managed to get suckered into hitting on women with my friend Gary (His name is Gaurav, but we decided he needed a bar name, as no woman could hear his name in a noisy bar). We've also decided that we're only going to hit on hot chicks from now on, as being completely ignored by ugly girls sucks ass. I mean, this one girl had a square jaw. And I don't mean kind of square, I'm talking Frankenstein square, and she looked at me like I was a beggar (which I probably did, as I hadn't shaved that day and didn't really care if she turned me down or not). Anyway, I didn't want to ramble, but I figured this is my blog and I can do what I want with it! So Nyah!! Take that reader!! MWHAHAHAH!!!!

(tomorrow should be better as I've vented today)

Why I hate the Weekends

This is a disclaimer for any of you all who feel happy right now. I'm not, so this post won't be all happy and bubbley. It may still be funny as I seem to have a singular wit when I'm feeling nihilistic like this. By the way, nihilistic basically means a feeling of not believing in anything.

Anyway. (it's funny that I worry about my grammar at times like this, but I know that Natalie reads this thing from time to time, so I'm conscious of the words I use, and her criticisms) I hate the weekends because it gives me too much time to think. Which, if you talk to some of my EXes is a problem of mine. Of course, some of my other EXes would say that I don't think enough about things. What I've come to realize is that every woman is different, and I seem to have a problem with pleasing any of them. I don't really think it's me. I mean, I'm sure at some point it is me. Ask them, and it's always been my problem that ended the relationship. But in the last week or so, I've noticed that I have a real problem just talking to women. They irritate me so. I now work with soley with men at a flooring company, and while there is still little dramas and crap that some of the idiots that we deal with do, I find that I fit in very well with the 3 or 4 guys who are in the office on a constant basis. No Women. And maybe that's the problem. It's a comfort zone. I don't have to worry about percieved nuances of conversations, things don't have to be repeated to me 16 times for me to understand it (even though I understood it the first time), and there is none of the male bashing that goes on in a typical environment dominated by women. If you've never been in one, go to an event or something that has only women, or is female dominated. Male bashing is a favorite pasttime. So my personal ego has risen somewhat, but when I talk to women now, I see how superficial and petty they all are. I'm not saying this is a female-wide epidemic. Oddly enough, all of my female friends from college are quite genuine people, who don't seem to pander to the female aesthetic of being bitchy, whiney, and superficial. As far as girlfriends go, only Natalie came close, but she had a tendency to be condescending to my status as an American (which apparently meant I was an idiot and deserving of the rebukes I received on a regular basis about my use of the English language). But I chalk that up to the gap between the oceans more than (see, I typed then instead of than, but I knew she might see it, and I know it's wrong, so I went back and fixed it! I'm so pathetic! But it helps my grammar, so I fix it anyway!) the male/female problem.

So here I am on a Friday night, painting (at least I'm doing something constructive I guess) and drinking some good wine. If you ever decide to get some wine, buy Ecco Domani. It's very cheap (about $8 a bottle) and the Chianti is superb. I had the Pinot Grigiot tonight, and that was pretty darn good too. My weekend is pretty much shaping up to be the same, though maybe without the wine.

Oh, and some highlights of my week. My grandparents are more selfish then I thought, as buying a new lawnmower for them has turned into a fiasco because I told them I would use it on other lawns then theirs. Apparantly this means it wouldn't be theirs, and they would rather I just keep using the one that burns oil and creates this horrible cloud of smoke that I choke on every time I mow their lawn. There's a whole political thing behind it, but I don't feel like getting into it. I was so mad last night that the second I got home I went to my room and passed out, slept for 12 hours, woke up and went to work. At least at work I don't have to think about the crap in my personal life. But now it's the weekend.

And I got another rejection letter from a publisher. At least I know they looked at it. Better than nothing I suppose.

Days Off

It's good to have a day off from time to time. Wish I could have been paid for it, but such is life in the big world. So I tried to get some painting done. Only problem is that I was interrupted about every half an hour or so by people who needed me to do them a favor. Gar. I wish people would leave me alone from time to time. Either that, or I need to start being more needy!! Yeah! That's it! Start making people do things I would do normally, but feel the need to ask them to do. And making them feel guilty about it if they say no! HA! MWHAHAHAH!!! It's so crazy, it just might work!!

Hopeless Causes

I try to tell my drinking buddy that it's no use going above your station when you're at a bar. It seems to me that only certain kinds of people can talk to other kinds of people. Now in my case, it's either fat chicks, or the quiet types. I can't go and talk to some hot, blonde sun goddess. They're looking for something else I guess. I try to tell my friend this, but he persists in going after them when we're at bars. And, as wingman, I'm forced to watch the carnage that is his conversations with them. That is, when he actually gets to talk to them. Tonight being a perfect example. Every chick he talked to tonight blew him off. And I don't mean just acted nice and chatted for a bit before we all turned away to our seperate groups again. I mean, they put up hands, they completely turned away, and in most cases just ignored him completely like he wasn't there! I felt bad. I hate seeing it happen on TV, let alone in real life. Of course, I can change the channel at home. I have to stay there and witness it when I'm out at a bar. So I was forced to drink copious amounts of alcohol to numb myself to his pain, which usually leads to an overwhelming urge to dance, which I was doing when he said he wanted to leave. *sigh* Just when I'm starting to enjoy myself too. Oh well. I'll have to find something to do with this buzz now. Lord knows what that might be. Probably go and pass out in bed. Why not. I have a long day of shoveling dirt (for my grandfather) and drinking (at my cousin's house warming party) to do, so I might as well get some sleep.

Other highlights of the week include:

My mother's graduation today (MBA in Accounting) in which my camera's batteries died about 2 minutes into the ceremony.

My good friends having their first child (Baby Zig has officially named itself Alexander apparently)

And I've managed to ingratiate myself to yet another group of retirees (the church choir has adopted me as the official young guy, though there is one cute 22 year old girl in it, so that at least gives me something to live for. :p )

Tada. There's my fucking life. Hoorah.

Give in to your hate!

Saw Star Wars. Liked it. Will have to see it again as my mother was sitting next to me, and was giggling and laughing the entire time. She wasn't drunk or anything, she's just amazingly happy these days with being in love. She's met a guy and they're getting married in November. We're doing the whole shebang too. White dress, tuxes, the whole deal. And guess who's in the wedding party. That's right, all of us kids (my brother, my sister and myself) and other family members. This is going to be such a weird friggin' event. I mean, who is part of the wedding party to theire mother's wedding?!! Maybe it's just because my parents were always together and there weren't any divorces and remarriages or anything, but it's just weird. I'm not saying anything though, because it's her life, her wedding, yada yada yada. Hopefully she'll remember that at my wedding. :) Anyway, Star Wars. Good stuff. I'll have to see it again to make sure it was, or if I'm just one of the mindless rabble who will say it's great because the title says "Star Wars".

Poker Anyone?

I soooo overplayed my hand today. I was told by my cousin Michelle a week or so ago that Citibank needed testers for their new programs and I would be a shoe-in for a job there. It pays a couple dollars more an hour then my current job at the flooring company, so I thought "Hey! Sounds great!" So I told the boss that I had an opportunity elsewhere and told him he might want to think about looking for a replacement for me. I made sure he knew I wouldn't just up and leave him (like my predecessor did) and that was a good thing. Because when I called the temp agency who deals with Citibank, the headhunter there was confused. Seems there weren't any spots open for them to even fill, let alone interview me for!! So I had to do some scrambling and talk my current boss into letting me take over the Office Manager position till the end of the year. This will probably work out well for my resume', but flooring just doesn't excite me like I think they want me to be excited about it. Soooooo....we'll see where this all goes. Hopefully I can make a little more than I am now, and eventually get on a better financial footing.

blah

Just the usual day in, day out crap going on. Nothing spectacular. I may be switching jobs again, unless the one I am at right now ponies up some serious cash for my services. I went from being a helper guy to office manager in less time then it takes to rip a fart. So that's been kind of grating on me. But the boss man did take myself and the other guys in the office to the Capital Grille last night. It's a super nice steak joint in Philly. I took it upon myself to have the porterhouse, because I figure if I'm going to have steak, I might as well do it right! So I did. And today I'm not eating at all to make up for the gorging that I put on yesterday. ( I also had donuts and sweetened coffe for breakfast and a horrible lunch of fast food, so it's not like I only had one meal of bad stuff) But I'll probably end up eating something sooner or later as my stomach is saying "You bastard! Don't tease me like this!"

Chasing Dreams, by Mark Spalding

Chasing Dreams is like
Catching a spider's web.
You know it's there, within your grasp.
But if you do not concentrate, and focus yourself
You will miss it more often then grab it.

Gossamar wings have more substance than a dream.
But if you chase after them, and hold tight to you dreams
They will be stronger then any stone wall, or iron bar.

Mr. Blackbird: Born, October 2002 Died, May 7th, 2005

It had to happen sooner or later. And Mr. Blackbird caught me on a bad weekend. Haven't been in the best of moods, and a freakishly spastic bird flying around the basement wasn't conducive to my recovery. I do feel bad that it had to happen, but I haven't seen any birds flying around the basement since. And it's not like I didn't give it a chance. I gave it two!! But, old habits die hard, and in this case the habit is what caused Mr. Blackbird's demise. Alas, poor Mr. Blackbird! I knew thee well! And so on and so forth.

Birds, Booze, and Star Wars

What with the impending arrival of the third and final prequel in the Star Wars series, I thought it would be a good idea to let the people I know that haven't seen any of the original movies yet (they are many oddly enough) get a chance to see them in High Definition! That's right! A long overdue Star Wars/drinking games movie night! Fun Fun Fun. And it can't come at a better time. Because that damn bird is back again!! You're gonna DIE BIRD!!!

You know you have a problem when....

...you sit in your car after an interview and wonder whether or not you were staring at the interviewer's cleavage for more then 5 seconds. And if the interviewer noticed it or not. Or if you did it more then the 3 or 4 times you remember doing it. God it's tough being a man!! It's not like she even had a big bosom or anything. I'm guessing it's engrained in my psyche. Probably in every man's psyche. If you see skin, look. Don't just look though. Stare. But don't stare, ogle! Now I doubt this had any bearing on my interview, as we pretty much decided I should contact them in November (it's a teaching job at the local art college, and they already have the next semester wrapped up), but you just have to wonder if she noticed!! Gah!

Another nice thing that did happen today is I found out it was just a faulty connection in my car's steering column, so it took them about 2 minutes to fix it!! Rah! So all I have to pay is the $45 for the tow job to my uncle's shop. Much better then the $600 I thought I was going to be paying.

Everybody Wins!

All of you PETA fans will be happy to know that Mr. Blackbird and I came to a reckoning this morning. He would fly upstairs to the kitchen, and then the family room. And I would allow him to fly out of the back to door to the relative safety of the woods behind the house. This way, I didn't have to brain the bastard again, and Mr. Blackbird didn't have to feel my wrath. Yay us! And the upside of me not having my car for the next few days (or week, depending on how much work my uncle has at his shop) is that I get to use my mom's camaro! RAH!! 2002 convertible? I'm awesome! Rah! RAH RAH RAH! Take that establishment!

And the Hits just keep on Comin'....

I'll keep this short, as I could go on at length as to the consequences and reprecussions of having no car.
Yesterday I woke up. My car battery was dead. Tried to jump it, but it wouldn't work.
Got a ride from my brother to work.
Got a ride from my brother to home.
Got a ride from my cousin Michelle to Sears for a new battery.
Went to change the battery, but decided to try and get my keys out of the ignition (which had somehow gotten stuck in the ignition that morning) and to my surprise, the car started.
Took the battery back to Sears with my car.
Went home in my car.
Tried to go to the store to buy groceries later, the car wouldn't start.
Now there's a weird clicking/buzzing noise coming from under the dash. Talked to my uncle, he says it sounds like altinator. B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.

Oh, and for those of you who were worried about the health of that bird from the other day? Fear not. He is alive and well. You know how I know? Because he somehow found his way back into the basement.

So if you have no other plans for the weekend....

THIS SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!!!

Mark vs. Mr. Blackbird
ROUND TWO!!!!

(Because I just can't deal with it today. Thank you, The Management)

Singin' in the Choir, Just Singin' in the Choir!

It always feels good to be a part of something, no matter how trivial or right or left wing it may be. Seeing as I'm the Jesus freak of my generation ( at least amongst the people I know ) I felt the need to be a part of a choir again. I don't miss going to church itself, because as you all well know, I don't believe that active participation denotes faith. Faith is what you make it, but a sense of purpose and a wanting to be a part of a growing process (ie. listening to the scriptures, the sermons, saying the prayers and devotions), it all helps me get a better knowledge of who I am, and who I want to be. Plus the new choir I joined is really good. They do have a certain penache (pronounced 'penash', long A) for wise-acre comments and goofy play. This doesn't bode well for me, since I have a really oddball sense of humor and might say something that offends more then entertains, but so far so good! It'll be a lesson in restraint I guess. :p They're already inviting me to retreats and parties for the summer. I highly recommend joining a church group if you're looking for things to do. Only nice people and well-wishers there.

New Look Blog!

Same great taste, with half the calories! And now I can get comments!! Woo! Plus it looks a lot nicer then the puke looking colors I had on the old one. Took me a bit to find out how to edit the settings so I could still have all my fun stuff on the side, but I got it now. So you'll be able to get your regular fix of the word of the day and all my other silly excentricities. If I've forgotten anything in the switch over, let me know. You can post a comment!! I'll read it! It'll be so much fun!! YAAAAAAYYY!!!! Now I have to go buy new shoelaces. I've broken off two different sets of laces from two different shoes in the last two weeks. Coincidence? I think not! Oh, and the bird problem got solved. I lulled it into a false sense of security (ie. it thought I was pansy and wouldn't fly away when I came near it today) and whacked it a few times over the head, giving it something of a horrible headache, then put it in a box and check it out into the woods behind the house. Not humane, I know, but the basement was already smelling like bird droppings after one day. Now way Jose'. Sorry all you PETA people. It's survival of the fittest with a broom in hand.

It truly can be said that I have a bird in my basement. Yup. Your typical, garden variety black bird has taken up residence at the Spalding household. Not the brightest thing in the world. Keeps ramming itself into light fixtures and windows. I've tried to entice it up the stairs so I can get it out the door, but no can do. I need bird seed!! All I have to offer it is some anise seed. Ever taste licorice? Yeah, that's the seed it comes from. So we'll see if mr. black bird likes licorice! Of course my brother said I should lay out a fare more favorable to our needs. Something along the lines of alka-seltzer, rice, or rat poison. For all I know the thing has already pecked at some of the poison we have around here. That'd definitely fix my problem of having to beat it into submission to get it out of here. I can just wait till it's dead, follow the stench, and dispose accordingly. *sigh*

It's been something of a crappy personal weekend. Nothing happened perse', just felt crappy all weekend and the week hasn't started off smashingly either. But I'm tired of being negative so I'll talk about the postives. The push toward a career in the art field (no matter where that might be) is a "Come Hell or High Water" affair. I may have a chance to work with the News Journal (the local newspaper) if the new Temp Agency I'm using gets me an interview. I've talked to the local Art College about teaching drawing classes and the person in charge has been nice enough to give me an interview. It may be just a nicety she's giving me, but maybe I can wow her with my depthless knowledge of the art of using a pencil!! And I've made a tear sheet of some of my best work to send to magazine editors. For the uninformed, a tearsheet is a way to let editors get a taste of your work, let them know who you are (by the large print of your name on the top of the page) and some text at the bottom that gives the website or phone number (in my case both) for them to contact you. So that's going out to a couple magazines in the next few days. Keep plugging away. Keep going after that prize. Keep making myself an artist people need to.....OOPS!! Iron Chef is on!! I have to go now! Must watch badly dubbed, asian cooking show!!

Oh, and it's self deprEcation, not self deprIcation. Figures the one time I don't make absolutely certain of it, a certain language lover would point it out to me. :p But it's better to know then not, eh? (I'm all Canadian now.)

I am down to 21o pounds, which is pretty good considering I was about 220 at New Year's time. I'm on my way to my goal of 185! (my college weight) The toughest part is not eating at night. I can handle it most nights, but some times I just need chocolate!! And now that it's getting hotter, all the ice cream joints are in full swing, so I have that to look forward to. :) Ah, summer. Now if I can just get my base tan going........

I have taken it on the advice of a couple people recently to stop being so self-depricating. To those of you who may not know what that means, it goes something like this....

Friend: "Hey Mark, How's it going?"

Me: "I'm boring, aren't I?! Why do you even talk to me? I'm just a fat, hairy, loathesome, pathetic excuse for a human being!! Why do I do this to myself all the time?!! WAAAAAAHH!!!!"

Friend: "Ok. Good talking to you." (walks away)

And so. I am now actively working on having a more postive image of myself. I mean, people say I'm cool and all. Right? RIGHT?!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

(be back when meltdown stops ..... )

I can't get it so comments appear on my blog!!! WAAAHH!!! So you have to email me if you want to compliment me on my wonderfully funny/witty blog! (Because I know I am, and my mommy tells me so).

OK. Now that I've recovered a bit.

My day consisted of going to play golf and getting outplayed by a man who is dying of enphysima, carrying a portable oxygen tank around with him on the course!!! Now I'm not saying I didn't have fun (basically because everyone else was playing like crap too), but it would have been a bit of a boost to know I can play better then a man with more then just a foot in the grave. :p And I got to follow it up with a nice pasta dinner at my grandparents! Of course, I payed for it by moving my grandmother's bed into another room, and moving furniture that's older then my mom! (She ain't no spring chicken) Add that up with moving my cousin into her new house yesterday, and we're talking some serious muscle soreness! I'm waiting for the cramping at 2 am. Ever been woken up by a cramp? It's about as shocking as the time when I woke up half way to the floor as I fell out of bed. It's a definite sinking feeling. The one good thing is that my cousin gave me $40 bucks instead of $20 for my efforts! I thought it was one bill, but found out today that it was two folded together! which means coffee for me to wake up this week!! Good coffee. Nice coffee. Happy Mark. :p

Helped move my cousin and her man into their new house today. That was a workout. Especially since we were trying to fit square things through rectangular holes half the time. But it's all in there and I got $20 for my efforts! Wooh!! I'm not completely poor anymore! And my aunt is treating me to a movie tonight! What movie you ask? Hell if I know, but it's free!! WHIPPEE!!! Ok. I need to crash now because I'm dead tired........**thump**

Woo!! I'm back!!! (Was I ever really gone though? Now there's a question for you. :p )

So I did my taxes last night. I had to wait till this week because Waldenbooks messed up my ss# when they filed my wages, and I wanted to make sure the IRS couldn't get me 3 years from now for less then $2,000. Of course, I still OWE!!! GAH!! I have $5 to my name and I just wrote 2 checks that are sure to bounce like a radial tire if I don't get some cash in my account before Tuesday! I did my best to find a way to get a return though. I tried the 1040EZ, the 1040 (which is a convoluted mess by the way), and finally, the 1040a. The last one was the charm. I only owed $27 to federal, which was a far cry from the $164. And Delaware slapped me good because Waldenbooks only took out $16 worth of Federal tax, and NO state tax! LoL! Whew. Oh, good times here. Good times. :) At least I have my health! And my womanly charms. :p