Painting's good, mmkay.

I wish I could do this all day every day. Eventually I will, and life will be good. But for now I only have Sayurdays to look forward to. I do get some drawing done during the week, which helps me prepare for painting on the weekend. Now I just have to finish my paintings. :p I think I'm going to see the Delaware Art Museum again tomorrow. I want to go a lot. See the early Illustrator's works as often as I can. It helps me keep focused.

Four years ago today my father passed away. Miss ya man.

This too, shall pass.

Hopefully sooner than later. It all started last Wednesday when my car stalled on one of the busier highways during rush hour. That was fun. Watching 20 cars and a couple semis either slam on their brakes or swerve at the last second. So I finally got it started again, and trundled it down to my uncle's shop (where it still resides). And not 20 minutes after I get home I get another surprise. Now this is very embaressing and quite awkward in nature, so if you have a light stomach, don't read until there's a break in the paragraph....still there?....ok. So I've had this rash around my lower abdomen, upper legs, yada yada yada, for the last few weeks. I thought it might be jock itch, as I've never had it before. Well, as some of the rash went away, I saw little brown spots in place of the red ones. I figured it was just dried skin, like a scab or something. That was until I saw one of them move!! I freaked. Crabs came to mind immediately. So I went to the pharmacy, got some lice shampoo and proceeded to cover my entire hairy ass body in this goo. At least they made it smell like watermelon. So I took the next day off, saw the doctor, and it seems you can't have crabs /all/ over your body. I had body lice. Yum. You can get it from staying in hotels or beds or touching clothing that has them on it. So be wary of strange bedrooms. ;)

Anyway, for those of you who skipped to this point, wussies. But you're probably not scarred for the rest of your life either, so good call. And so I go car shopping tomorrow, along with mowing the lawn! WOO!! I love it. Drrrroooooollll........

I don't understand people some times. One minute they're throwing cheeky little barbs at you about your job performance, the next they're singing your praises. It's all very confusing. Some day I may figure this all out. For now though, I need to draw, paint, be creative in general. So I shall keep this one short. (Also because nothing has happened to me lately.)

Ok. I lied. I just saw the coolest thing on TV. I love the Food Network. Some supermarkets have come out with a shopping buddy. You go to the store, place your personal key into the small, handheld device, and it'll basically allow you to do all your shopping through it. You can place an order with the deli, and it'll send you an email when it's ready, you can email home if you need to ask a question (though who doesn't have a cell phone now), it'll tell you your shopping history, give you coupons, recipes, and there's a local GPS for the store, so you can see where you are and where the item you're looking for is. Awesome. It even comes with a little scanner, so you can check yourself out. Coolness.

Update me!

So I took the good meds my cousin gave me. They didn't kick in till 3 in the morning. And my legs were still sore yesterday. I must have some freaky crazy immune system, because heavy duty drugs don't affect me like other people, and I must be the only person on the planet who can't get high from pot. I took about 5 good tokes from my cousins bowl a few weeks ago and didn't feel a damn thing. I guess it'll bode well if some terrorist tries to use a pot bomb on the US, but I don't think the odds are in my favor to become a national hero that way.
On a side note, that guy who called for me the other night had the wrong number. He was looking for someone to produce a show for the Washington D.C. Pops Orchestra. The "Mike" he was talking about was some dancer! I had this conversation with him at about 7:30 in the morning on my way to work, so I didn't really understand what he was talking about at first. I did try to tell him I could design the stage and what not (which I have absolutely not experience doing, but hey, I gotta try don't I?). I did however get a publisher to talk to me today, so I'm going to overnight my book to them tomorrow and see what kind of havoc I can wreak next week.

I HURT!!!

You know. You try to give 110%. You want to be a team player you know. So I ran home after work to cut the lawn before the daily rain shower from the 110% humidity hit. As I'm mowing along this small stone wall toward the front of the lawn, lo and behold a nest of yellow jackets attacks me!!! Now one yellowjacket is a nasty customer. I got about 8 of them. All in the back of my knees!!! Like the most sensitve part of my body outside of my balls and my facial orifices! Of course one or two lucky bees stung my temple too. Bastards. To give you an idea of what it feels like, think of getting stabbed by a sewing needle every 10 seconds. Now multiply that by about 8 or 10 different spots on my leg, and one on the head. I did however get a chance to take my first dose of some serious meds. My cousin has these pills called Duladin. Now from what I've been told, these little white pills are supposed to knock the hell out of you. Most people just take a half of a tablet that is half the size of an eraser head. I've taken a whole one, and the pain is a little less, but I'm doubtful that I can sleep it's so annoyingly painful. I did get a call today from some guy who directs an orchestra. Seems a "Mike" I know recommended me for some artwork they want to do. Don't know if that's Heroux or Wunder, but I'm appreciable either way. Plus I've put together a list of possible publishers I want to visit next month. I'd like to take two days and make a trip up there, see if I can't talk someone into giving me some work. Now I must go and whimper in my bedpillows.

Whine me and Dine me baby

I love my job. Oddly enough, working for a flooring company can be a relaxing thing. As long as I don't have any vested interest in how things go, life is grand. :) The guys are cool, we joke and poke fun at each other all day long (which, I think, is helping me get over my problem of being overly sensitive/defensive to such comments), and at the end of the day I go home. Though now I'm dreaming of work. Calling people and asking them why they haven't paid us yet apparantly fills up a large part of my mind these days. :p But it's good. No stress, ok pay, and good times. I even got free donuts and hot dogs for lunch today!! Rah!!

On a side note, I randomly talked to the ex the other night. She IMed me. Went well in that cordial, "Hey, how are you" sense. But I realized afterward how bitter and angry I still am about the whole thing. The idea that I'm not good enough for someone just sticks in my craw, but, since there's not a whole hell of a lot I can do about that now, no use in worrying about it. I have other plans and other things to occupy myself with for the time being, so life moves on. But I think I'm going to have to ask her to stop talking to me. I have two options. Tell her I've met someone else, and she doesn't like that I talk to my ex (which is what she says her new boyfriend tells her) or tell her my therapist said it was in my best interests to sever ties with her (which wouldn't be true, since I haven't seen a therapist yet, but I have a feeling that's what they would tell me to do). Ah! Decisions. Decisions.

Car Troubles

You've heard that old quip that goes "If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all." That seems to apply to me and my car these days. Poor little Rosey. She just can't make it through a month anymore without something breaking. Now it's the altinator. For real this time. Conked out on me while I was trying to limp it over to my uncle's shop. But i'm not really put out by it. Things happen. No use getting all mopey about it. Which is funny since I get bent out of shape about some of the silliest shit. :p LoL Hell. I don't even know what sets me off anymore. But apparantly getting stranded on the road isn't it.

Good Times

We had a surprise 50th birthday party for my uncle on Friday. This was my big coming out party with the bald head. My grandmother almost fell backward in the parking lot. My grandfather couldn't stop giggling (which for a gruff old Italian was kind of creepy), and my god-father says I must have done it to be more like him. (Though, to be honest, I'm about 1 of 3 people in my family who isn't bald anyway, so I don't know how much truth there is to that statement. This nice thing is, I can grow mine back if I want to. ;p )

Anyway, we get toward the end of the night, and my grandparents are drunk (they /never/ drink) and my grandfather's brother and his wife are alcoholics anyway. But my great uncle was completely gone. He would have fallen over, face first on the floor no less, if I hadn't been standing right next to him. So I take him and my great aunt back to their place. Now mind you, this man couldn't hear a 747 landing in his backyard, and she can't see how many fingers you're holding in front of her face in broad daylight. And here I am, sidestepping my way up the sidewalk to their house, him in my right arm, yelling her name to see where she's at and stumbling into the bushes and anything else that's remotely close to crash into, and her in my left, trying to judge the next step while yanking my arm out of it's socket. But like I told them, for all the times people have helped me through the same thing, I figure I'm due to help someone else. ;)

Then there was Sunday. Helped little sis move some stuff into the new place she has, but before that, we had to stop over my godfather's. He's digging this huge trench in his backyard for a patio and a brick oven (mmmm....brick oven pizzas). My brother and I decided to help him out since we're good guys like that. This would have worked out splendidly if I had brought some gloves with me. You see, when you use a pick ax to break up the ground for the shovels, it kind of turns your hands into a bloddy pulp. I didn't really notice it until they looked like they had been through a meat grinder, but hey, at least my uncle didn't have to throw his back out doing all this hard labor. :p Once the scabs heal I'm sure I'll be ok.....

I shaved my head. It came to me while I was running tonight. The hair was getting out of control again, looking like something out of a 90's pompadour hairdo movie. So I thought this would be different. It feels different. I'd like to say this will help me get into a mindset of change in my life, but I doubt it. Drastic things don't normally make me change all my bad habits in a day. I guess I'll actually have to work hard to do the things to make my life better. Damnit!! If only shaving my head would do it!!!

Bad Boys! Bad Boys! What ya gonna do?!!

The friggin' cops showed up at work this morning! It wasn't /completely/ like an episode of COPS, but it had that flavor. Seems this girl (who is 17 and a high school drop out/part time pot fiend/alcoholic/recreational drug user) was either harassed or sexually assaulted by one of the guys who works for the company. And this guy is the adult version of all her worst qualities. Full blown coke addict from what I hear. Drinks while doing that, and is a complete moron to boot (and I think that was a problem before the drug use started). Just an all around fuck up. So the cops show up and he saw them in the parking lot, but he /had/ to come into work, because he would have been even worse off if he ran. So here they are, in the parking lot, cuffing him up. All the while, one of our other guys who was in the van with him runs off. Seems he has some outstanding fines and what not (plus he's black) so he thought that they were after him. He ran to the Burger King down the street and called us from there. Craziness. Needless to say, the rest of the day wasn't nearly as interesting.

Just Another Day

Days come and they go. Life moves in it's own inimitable way. Nothing amazing to report, but I felt the need to post nonetheless. Had fun with the peeps last night. Had fun with the peeps today. I might be picking up a couple nights at a golf supply store. Seems the only place I would like to work at that wouldn't give me too much crap to deal with. Add that to the nights I'll be spending singing with another chorus (all men) and a barbershop quartet, and I have a full week it seems. :) Which will mean I'll have to find a way to work out around this new schedule, and find time to do some art work. I haven't given up. I don't know if I ever will. It's funny how something so difficult to achieve, and something that has hindered me so much financially and with relationships is the one thing that keeps me going. Hope I guess. Hope that this will all work out at some point. Hope that this life isn't wasted. That I'm not spinning my wheels and making a fool of myself. And, as irony would have it, everything I see these days reinforces this idea. Everything I see and hear reminds me not to give up. That we all have our own path, and mine might be a little more round-a-bout then the normal one people usually take. But it leads me to where I want to be. I just can't stray from it. Not now, when I feel I'm close to something. Something is going to break this dam sooner or later, and I'll be there to take advantage of it. Fucking Rah.

Diary of a Dogsitter

Day 1: Dogs and I have re-introduced ourselves to each other and have started off smashingly. They love me. The licking's a bit much (especially the face. Ick! Not the face!) but all in all, I think we're going to be good pals. And There are frogs to take care of too! Woo!

Day 2: I came home from work to find a steaming present from one of the dogs lying on the kitchen floor. Guess I didn't get home in time. I'll have to try harder to get home sooner. And one of the froggies died. :( It was really small, so maybe it was sick already. The larger one seems fine though, and is happily jumping about his newly single pad.

Day 3: Have come home to find another pile of poo on the floor, and the sofa cushions are everywhere! The dogs are becoming hard to control. The smaller one seems to grin when I walk in, as if it's waiting for me to turn my back. I do not turn my back anymore. The large frog is starting to nip at the dead one. I think I'm going to have to find a way to get the dead one out without getting bit.

Day 4: I need reinforcements now!! The dogs have taken the kitchen and the dining room! I have barricaded them from the rest of the house by using a baby fence, but the big one is already gnawing through that! Will have to seek higher ground if the wall fails. The frog definitely killed the little frog! I can see it in his eyes!

Day 5: Lord help us all!! Save the women and the children!! MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!!! AAAAAHH!!!!!!!!................gggrrrggllllleeee........

Sha-Poopey!

I thought the dogs has calmed down after that first night of jitters, but I guess they haven't. Every time I open the door to my cousin's place, I eagerly await to see what they have destroyed or pooped on next. Last night, after I got home from a friend's house warming party, there was cushion foam all over the floor. Yum. They've destroyed about 3 of their little dolls they like to drag around, and this morning I think they didn't like the fact that I wanted to sleep in, because there was a present waiting for me in the hallway. Yup. Me and dogs have some issues we need to work out.

Dog Sitting?

It's not my first choice, but I do what I can for my peeps. So i am the happy? custodian of an American Stratfordshire Terrier & a Pug. They're both very cool dogs. Old enough to be fairly docile and very lovable. Though the terrier thinks she's the size of the pug, and wants to sit in my lap the entire time. Which wouldn't be too bad if she didn't try to lick my face all the time. I don't mind licking. JUST NOT THE FACE!! I got my beautiful, sensitive looks to think of after all.

So I'll be at my cousin's for the next week. Doing.....nothing much. Which isn't so bad. Just some unwind time I guess. Wish I could find a way to work out though. I'll have to think up something....

No, No, Really

The only reason I left the last post intact is that I think it's an honest representation of what I've been going through recently. I'm also glad that I read these things after I post them because my life isn't nearly as horrible as it sounds!! I know it might look like I'm about to jump off a building or something, but I'm not. It's just the depression talking. :p But Time does heal all wounds, and I am bound and determined to succeed in my chosen profession, and as much as my friends like to call me out in public, they also care for me greatly, I just wish they told me what I need to work on in a more private way. I have trouble with group therapy. :p So this is my apology for the depressing blogs of the past week or so. I promise things will at least sound funnier in the near future. :)

Time does heal all wounds

It's just a bitch waiting for time to get its sweet ass in gear. I haven't posted much in the last few weeks because there hasn't been much in the positive going on. Got another rejection letter from a publisher last week. Then I got a text message from the ex saying I'm in her thoughts all the time, but her new boyfriend doesn't like her to talk to me. I'll have to talk to my shrink to see how I should react to that. You like to be the good guy and say "That's ok. I understand." But then I figure I should do what my brother and cousins like to do. Don't chase 'em, replace 'em. And to top it all off, I somehow managed to get myself into a situation where 5 people were telling me how much of an asshole I am. Here I am trying to explain to people that I'm not mad or angry, and they're telling me I'm defensive and overly sensitive. Well of course I am going to be defensive! It's everyone versus me! Of course I'm going to stick up for myself, seeing as no one else in the room is. I tell you, with friends like these, who needs enemies! I've also been told I have a negative outlook on things. And while I don't totally disagree with this idea, I don't agree with it in a few specific ways. I figure if I was that negative, I wouldn't keep fighting to be an artist. I would have given up long ago. I may have trouble seeing the sunny side of relationships, and that's something I have to work on. Can't have a good feeling about a relationship if you bring baggage into every one. Yet I still managed to get suckered into hitting on women with my friend Gary (His name is Gaurav, but we decided he needed a bar name, as no woman could hear his name in a noisy bar). We've also decided that we're only going to hit on hot chicks from now on, as being completely ignored by ugly girls sucks ass. I mean, this one girl had a square jaw. And I don't mean kind of square, I'm talking Frankenstein square, and she looked at me like I was a beggar (which I probably did, as I hadn't shaved that day and didn't really care if she turned me down or not). Anyway, I didn't want to ramble, but I figured this is my blog and I can do what I want with it! So Nyah!! Take that reader!! MWHAHAHAH!!!!

(tomorrow should be better as I've vented today)

Why I hate the Weekends

This is a disclaimer for any of you all who feel happy right now. I'm not, so this post won't be all happy and bubbley. It may still be funny as I seem to have a singular wit when I'm feeling nihilistic like this. By the way, nihilistic basically means a feeling of not believing in anything.

Anyway. (it's funny that I worry about my grammar at times like this, but I know that Natalie reads this thing from time to time, so I'm conscious of the words I use, and her criticisms) I hate the weekends because it gives me too much time to think. Which, if you talk to some of my EXes is a problem of mine. Of course, some of my other EXes would say that I don't think enough about things. What I've come to realize is that every woman is different, and I seem to have a problem with pleasing any of them. I don't really think it's me. I mean, I'm sure at some point it is me. Ask them, and it's always been my problem that ended the relationship. But in the last week or so, I've noticed that I have a real problem just talking to women. They irritate me so. I now work with soley with men at a flooring company, and while there is still little dramas and crap that some of the idiots that we deal with do, I find that I fit in very well with the 3 or 4 guys who are in the office on a constant basis. No Women. And maybe that's the problem. It's a comfort zone. I don't have to worry about percieved nuances of conversations, things don't have to be repeated to me 16 times for me to understand it (even though I understood it the first time), and there is none of the male bashing that goes on in a typical environment dominated by women. If you've never been in one, go to an event or something that has only women, or is female dominated. Male bashing is a favorite pasttime. So my personal ego has risen somewhat, but when I talk to women now, I see how superficial and petty they all are. I'm not saying this is a female-wide epidemic. Oddly enough, all of my female friends from college are quite genuine people, who don't seem to pander to the female aesthetic of being bitchy, whiney, and superficial. As far as girlfriends go, only Natalie came close, but she had a tendency to be condescending to my status as an American (which apparently meant I was an idiot and deserving of the rebukes I received on a regular basis about my use of the English language). But I chalk that up to the gap between the oceans more than (see, I typed then instead of than, but I knew she might see it, and I know it's wrong, so I went back and fixed it! I'm so pathetic! But it helps my grammar, so I fix it anyway!) the male/female problem.

So here I am on a Friday night, painting (at least I'm doing something constructive I guess) and drinking some good wine. If you ever decide to get some wine, buy Ecco Domani. It's very cheap (about $8 a bottle) and the Chianti is superb. I had the Pinot Grigiot tonight, and that was pretty darn good too. My weekend is pretty much shaping up to be the same, though maybe without the wine.

Oh, and some highlights of my week. My grandparents are more selfish then I thought, as buying a new lawnmower for them has turned into a fiasco because I told them I would use it on other lawns then theirs. Apparantly this means it wouldn't be theirs, and they would rather I just keep using the one that burns oil and creates this horrible cloud of smoke that I choke on every time I mow their lawn. There's a whole political thing behind it, but I don't feel like getting into it. I was so mad last night that the second I got home I went to my room and passed out, slept for 12 hours, woke up and went to work. At least at work I don't have to think about the crap in my personal life. But now it's the weekend.

And I got another rejection letter from a publisher. At least I know they looked at it. Better than nothing I suppose.

Days Off

It's good to have a day off from time to time. Wish I could have been paid for it, but such is life in the big world. So I tried to get some painting done. Only problem is that I was interrupted about every half an hour or so by people who needed me to do them a favor. Gar. I wish people would leave me alone from time to time. Either that, or I need to start being more needy!! Yeah! That's it! Start making people do things I would do normally, but feel the need to ask them to do. And making them feel guilty about it if they say no! HA! MWHAHAHAH!!! It's so crazy, it just might work!!

Hopeless Causes

I try to tell my drinking buddy that it's no use going above your station when you're at a bar. It seems to me that only certain kinds of people can talk to other kinds of people. Now in my case, it's either fat chicks, or the quiet types. I can't go and talk to some hot, blonde sun goddess. They're looking for something else I guess. I try to tell my friend this, but he persists in going after them when we're at bars. And, as wingman, I'm forced to watch the carnage that is his conversations with them. That is, when he actually gets to talk to them. Tonight being a perfect example. Every chick he talked to tonight blew him off. And I don't mean just acted nice and chatted for a bit before we all turned away to our seperate groups again. I mean, they put up hands, they completely turned away, and in most cases just ignored him completely like he wasn't there! I felt bad. I hate seeing it happen on TV, let alone in real life. Of course, I can change the channel at home. I have to stay there and witness it when I'm out at a bar. So I was forced to drink copious amounts of alcohol to numb myself to his pain, which usually leads to an overwhelming urge to dance, which I was doing when he said he wanted to leave. *sigh* Just when I'm starting to enjoy myself too. Oh well. I'll have to find something to do with this buzz now. Lord knows what that might be. Probably go and pass out in bed. Why not. I have a long day of shoveling dirt (for my grandfather) and drinking (at my cousin's house warming party) to do, so I might as well get some sleep.

Other highlights of the week include:

My mother's graduation today (MBA in Accounting) in which my camera's batteries died about 2 minutes into the ceremony.

My good friends having their first child (Baby Zig has officially named itself Alexander apparently)

And I've managed to ingratiate myself to yet another group of retirees (the church choir has adopted me as the official young guy, though there is one cute 22 year old girl in it, so that at least gives me something to live for. :p )

Tada. There's my fucking life. Hoorah.

Give in to your hate!

Saw Star Wars. Liked it. Will have to see it again as my mother was sitting next to me, and was giggling and laughing the entire time. She wasn't drunk or anything, she's just amazingly happy these days with being in love. She's met a guy and they're getting married in November. We're doing the whole shebang too. White dress, tuxes, the whole deal. And guess who's in the wedding party. That's right, all of us kids (my brother, my sister and myself) and other family members. This is going to be such a weird friggin' event. I mean, who is part of the wedding party to theire mother's wedding?!! Maybe it's just because my parents were always together and there weren't any divorces and remarriages or anything, but it's just weird. I'm not saying anything though, because it's her life, her wedding, yada yada yada. Hopefully she'll remember that at my wedding. :) Anyway, Star Wars. Good stuff. I'll have to see it again to make sure it was, or if I'm just one of the mindless rabble who will say it's great because the title says "Star Wars".

Poker Anyone?

I soooo overplayed my hand today. I was told by my cousin Michelle a week or so ago that Citibank needed testers for their new programs and I would be a shoe-in for a job there. It pays a couple dollars more an hour then my current job at the flooring company, so I thought "Hey! Sounds great!" So I told the boss that I had an opportunity elsewhere and told him he might want to think about looking for a replacement for me. I made sure he knew I wouldn't just up and leave him (like my predecessor did) and that was a good thing. Because when I called the temp agency who deals with Citibank, the headhunter there was confused. Seems there weren't any spots open for them to even fill, let alone interview me for!! So I had to do some scrambling and talk my current boss into letting me take over the Office Manager position till the end of the year. This will probably work out well for my resume', but flooring just doesn't excite me like I think they want me to be excited about it. Soooooo....we'll see where this all goes. Hopefully I can make a little more than I am now, and eventually get on a better financial footing.

blah

Just the usual day in, day out crap going on. Nothing spectacular. I may be switching jobs again, unless the one I am at right now ponies up some serious cash for my services. I went from being a helper guy to office manager in less time then it takes to rip a fart. So that's been kind of grating on me. But the boss man did take myself and the other guys in the office to the Capital Grille last night. It's a super nice steak joint in Philly. I took it upon myself to have the porterhouse, because I figure if I'm going to have steak, I might as well do it right! So I did. And today I'm not eating at all to make up for the gorging that I put on yesterday. ( I also had donuts and sweetened coffe for breakfast and a horrible lunch of fast food, so it's not like I only had one meal of bad stuff) But I'll probably end up eating something sooner or later as my stomach is saying "You bastard! Don't tease me like this!"

Chasing Dreams, by Mark Spalding

Chasing Dreams is like
Catching a spider's web.
You know it's there, within your grasp.
But if you do not concentrate, and focus yourself
You will miss it more often then grab it.

Gossamar wings have more substance than a dream.
But if you chase after them, and hold tight to you dreams
They will be stronger then any stone wall, or iron bar.

Mr. Blackbird: Born, October 2002 Died, May 7th, 2005

It had to happen sooner or later. And Mr. Blackbird caught me on a bad weekend. Haven't been in the best of moods, and a freakishly spastic bird flying around the basement wasn't conducive to my recovery. I do feel bad that it had to happen, but I haven't seen any birds flying around the basement since. And it's not like I didn't give it a chance. I gave it two!! But, old habits die hard, and in this case the habit is what caused Mr. Blackbird's demise. Alas, poor Mr. Blackbird! I knew thee well! And so on and so forth.

Birds, Booze, and Star Wars

What with the impending arrival of the third and final prequel in the Star Wars series, I thought it would be a good idea to let the people I know that haven't seen any of the original movies yet (they are many oddly enough) get a chance to see them in High Definition! That's right! A long overdue Star Wars/drinking games movie night! Fun Fun Fun. And it can't come at a better time. Because that damn bird is back again!! You're gonna DIE BIRD!!!

You know you have a problem when....

...you sit in your car after an interview and wonder whether or not you were staring at the interviewer's cleavage for more then 5 seconds. And if the interviewer noticed it or not. Or if you did it more then the 3 or 4 times you remember doing it. God it's tough being a man!! It's not like she even had a big bosom or anything. I'm guessing it's engrained in my psyche. Probably in every man's psyche. If you see skin, look. Don't just look though. Stare. But don't stare, ogle! Now I doubt this had any bearing on my interview, as we pretty much decided I should contact them in November (it's a teaching job at the local art college, and they already have the next semester wrapped up), but you just have to wonder if she noticed!! Gah!

Another nice thing that did happen today is I found out it was just a faulty connection in my car's steering column, so it took them about 2 minutes to fix it!! Rah! So all I have to pay is the $45 for the tow job to my uncle's shop. Much better then the $600 I thought I was going to be paying.

Everybody Wins!

All of you PETA fans will be happy to know that Mr. Blackbird and I came to a reckoning this morning. He would fly upstairs to the kitchen, and then the family room. And I would allow him to fly out of the back to door to the relative safety of the woods behind the house. This way, I didn't have to brain the bastard again, and Mr. Blackbird didn't have to feel my wrath. Yay us! And the upside of me not having my car for the next few days (or week, depending on how much work my uncle has at his shop) is that I get to use my mom's camaro! RAH!! 2002 convertible? I'm awesome! Rah! RAH RAH RAH! Take that establishment!

And the Hits just keep on Comin'....

I'll keep this short, as I could go on at length as to the consequences and reprecussions of having no car.
Yesterday I woke up. My car battery was dead. Tried to jump it, but it wouldn't work.
Got a ride from my brother to work.
Got a ride from my brother to home.
Got a ride from my cousin Michelle to Sears for a new battery.
Went to change the battery, but decided to try and get my keys out of the ignition (which had somehow gotten stuck in the ignition that morning) and to my surprise, the car started.
Took the battery back to Sears with my car.
Went home in my car.
Tried to go to the store to buy groceries later, the car wouldn't start.
Now there's a weird clicking/buzzing noise coming from under the dash. Talked to my uncle, he says it sounds like altinator. B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.

Oh, and for those of you who were worried about the health of that bird from the other day? Fear not. He is alive and well. You know how I know? Because he somehow found his way back into the basement.

So if you have no other plans for the weekend....

THIS SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!!!

Mark vs. Mr. Blackbird
ROUND TWO!!!!

(Because I just can't deal with it today. Thank you, The Management)

Singin' in the Choir, Just Singin' in the Choir!

It always feels good to be a part of something, no matter how trivial or right or left wing it may be. Seeing as I'm the Jesus freak of my generation ( at least amongst the people I know ) I felt the need to be a part of a choir again. I don't miss going to church itself, because as you all well know, I don't believe that active participation denotes faith. Faith is what you make it, but a sense of purpose and a wanting to be a part of a growing process (ie. listening to the scriptures, the sermons, saying the prayers and devotions), it all helps me get a better knowledge of who I am, and who I want to be. Plus the new choir I joined is really good. They do have a certain penache (pronounced 'penash', long A) for wise-acre comments and goofy play. This doesn't bode well for me, since I have a really oddball sense of humor and might say something that offends more then entertains, but so far so good! It'll be a lesson in restraint I guess. :p They're already inviting me to retreats and parties for the summer. I highly recommend joining a church group if you're looking for things to do. Only nice people and well-wishers there.

New Look Blog!

Same great taste, with half the calories! And now I can get comments!! Woo! Plus it looks a lot nicer then the puke looking colors I had on the old one. Took me a bit to find out how to edit the settings so I could still have all my fun stuff on the side, but I got it now. So you'll be able to get your regular fix of the word of the day and all my other silly excentricities. If I've forgotten anything in the switch over, let me know. You can post a comment!! I'll read it! It'll be so much fun!! YAAAAAAYYY!!!! Now I have to go buy new shoelaces. I've broken off two different sets of laces from two different shoes in the last two weeks. Coincidence? I think not! Oh, and the bird problem got solved. I lulled it into a false sense of security (ie. it thought I was pansy and wouldn't fly away when I came near it today) and whacked it a few times over the head, giving it something of a horrible headache, then put it in a box and check it out into the woods behind the house. Not humane, I know, but the basement was already smelling like bird droppings after one day. Now way Jose'. Sorry all you PETA people. It's survival of the fittest with a broom in hand.

It truly can be said that I have a bird in my basement. Yup. Your typical, garden variety black bird has taken up residence at the Spalding household. Not the brightest thing in the world. Keeps ramming itself into light fixtures and windows. I've tried to entice it up the stairs so I can get it out the door, but no can do. I need bird seed!! All I have to offer it is some anise seed. Ever taste licorice? Yeah, that's the seed it comes from. So we'll see if mr. black bird likes licorice! Of course my brother said I should lay out a fare more favorable to our needs. Something along the lines of alka-seltzer, rice, or rat poison. For all I know the thing has already pecked at some of the poison we have around here. That'd definitely fix my problem of having to beat it into submission to get it out of here. I can just wait till it's dead, follow the stench, and dispose accordingly. *sigh*

It's been something of a crappy personal weekend. Nothing happened perse', just felt crappy all weekend and the week hasn't started off smashingly either. But I'm tired of being negative so I'll talk about the postives. The push toward a career in the art field (no matter where that might be) is a "Come Hell or High Water" affair. I may have a chance to work with the News Journal (the local newspaper) if the new Temp Agency I'm using gets me an interview. I've talked to the local Art College about teaching drawing classes and the person in charge has been nice enough to give me an interview. It may be just a nicety she's giving me, but maybe I can wow her with my depthless knowledge of the art of using a pencil!! And I've made a tear sheet of some of my best work to send to magazine editors. For the uninformed, a tearsheet is a way to let editors get a taste of your work, let them know who you are (by the large print of your name on the top of the page) and some text at the bottom that gives the website or phone number (in my case both) for them to contact you. So that's going out to a couple magazines in the next few days. Keep plugging away. Keep going after that prize. Keep making myself an artist people need to.....OOPS!! Iron Chef is on!! I have to go now! Must watch badly dubbed, asian cooking show!!

Oh, and it's self deprEcation, not self deprIcation. Figures the one time I don't make absolutely certain of it, a certain language lover would point it out to me. :p But it's better to know then not, eh? (I'm all Canadian now.)

I am down to 21o pounds, which is pretty good considering I was about 220 at New Year's time. I'm on my way to my goal of 185! (my college weight) The toughest part is not eating at night. I can handle it most nights, but some times I just need chocolate!! And now that it's getting hotter, all the ice cream joints are in full swing, so I have that to look forward to. :) Ah, summer. Now if I can just get my base tan going........

I have taken it on the advice of a couple people recently to stop being so self-depricating. To those of you who may not know what that means, it goes something like this....

Friend: "Hey Mark, How's it going?"

Me: "I'm boring, aren't I?! Why do you even talk to me? I'm just a fat, hairy, loathesome, pathetic excuse for a human being!! Why do I do this to myself all the time?!! WAAAAAAHH!!!!"

Friend: "Ok. Good talking to you." (walks away)

And so. I am now actively working on having a more postive image of myself. I mean, people say I'm cool and all. Right? RIGHT?!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

(be back when meltdown stops ..... )

I can't get it so comments appear on my blog!!! WAAAHH!!! So you have to email me if you want to compliment me on my wonderfully funny/witty blog! (Because I know I am, and my mommy tells me so).

OK. Now that I've recovered a bit.

My day consisted of going to play golf and getting outplayed by a man who is dying of enphysima, carrying a portable oxygen tank around with him on the course!!! Now I'm not saying I didn't have fun (basically because everyone else was playing like crap too), but it would have been a bit of a boost to know I can play better then a man with more then just a foot in the grave. :p And I got to follow it up with a nice pasta dinner at my grandparents! Of course, I payed for it by moving my grandmother's bed into another room, and moving furniture that's older then my mom! (She ain't no spring chicken) Add that up with moving my cousin into her new house yesterday, and we're talking some serious muscle soreness! I'm waiting for the cramping at 2 am. Ever been woken up by a cramp? It's about as shocking as the time when I woke up half way to the floor as I fell out of bed. It's a definite sinking feeling. The one good thing is that my cousin gave me $40 bucks instead of $20 for my efforts! I thought it was one bill, but found out today that it was two folded together! which means coffee for me to wake up this week!! Good coffee. Nice coffee. Happy Mark. :p

Helped move my cousin and her man into their new house today. That was a workout. Especially since we were trying to fit square things through rectangular holes half the time. But it's all in there and I got $20 for my efforts! Wooh!! I'm not completely poor anymore! And my aunt is treating me to a movie tonight! What movie you ask? Hell if I know, but it's free!! WHIPPEE!!! Ok. I need to crash now because I'm dead tired........**thump**

Woo!! I'm back!!! (Was I ever really gone though? Now there's a question for you. :p )

So I did my taxes last night. I had to wait till this week because Waldenbooks messed up my ss# when they filed my wages, and I wanted to make sure the IRS couldn't get me 3 years from now for less then $2,000. Of course, I still OWE!!! GAH!! I have $5 to my name and I just wrote 2 checks that are sure to bounce like a radial tire if I don't get some cash in my account before Tuesday! I did my best to find a way to get a return though. I tried the 1040EZ, the 1040 (which is a convoluted mess by the way), and finally, the 1040a. The last one was the charm. I only owed $27 to federal, which was a far cry from the $164. And Delaware slapped me good because Waldenbooks only took out $16 worth of Federal tax, and NO state tax! LoL! Whew. Oh, good times here. Good times. :) At least I have my health! And my womanly charms. :p

Man. Life has just been crazy lately. I'm not even sure when the last time I posted to this thing was. But I figure it means things are on a roll that I don't have that much time to mull over all sorts of esoteric stuff. Hmmm....esoteric, good word!! :p Must be the word of the day.

As for a small recap of my life since my last post, it goes something like this.

*Work all week, sometimes at night too what with the book store.

*Find time to be with the girlfriend on weekends, preferably in bed, as I can kill two birds with one stone.

*After all that, find time to see family, do some chores, clean laundry, clean self, and paint. Not in anyspecific order mind you. Just whichever one I can do at that particular moment.

So now I have alloted myself 5 minutes to type. And now I'm done. Hopefully things will slow down a bit after the holiday, but I doubt it. I have to finish this book or Amy (ie. girlfriend) will disown me, and I have no idea what I'll be doing job-wise, except that it'll be through a temp agency. Whoopie!! Although I am going to New Orleans for the New Year. So there is that silver lining. :p

Yeah. Life is like a box of chocolates. You end up eating the whole damn thing way too fast, pass out for about a week, and wake up feeling like something between a car wreck and a pleasently plump Roman politician. Things have been good. Seems I have a girlfriend now (don't ask, its too complicated to put into words) and I think I had some good reviews from my teachers about the children's book, which is always good. Now I just have to finish some things out. Time shall tell about that. Right now I'm just trying to make sure I get what I need done done, and that should be enough to reach my goals. Which means I must go now to work out, and then do some painting, and then watch the Eagles beat the ever-lovin'-crap out of the Cowboys. Rah!!

How much can change in a day or two? Oh, just about a whole lot! I don't know where this is all going, but now it seems that I'm an addictive person to be around, and my lady friend is an addict. :p She is a wonderfully nice change from the list of crazies and snobs I've been seeing lately, and I would like to think something meaningful can come of this, but I'm not going to get ahead of the good times I'm having right now. And one of the nice parts is that she's so busy during the week, she really can't spare time for me, which will mean I can get some painting done during the week and have plans for the weekend! Woo!! I must now stop, before I get myself too excited and make an accident. lol

Man. Traffic is getting crazy out there. It's like Christmas. Only....not. People all over the place, flying here there and everywhere. Jumping lanes and cutting people off. Ah. It must be getting close to winter. Whenever the weather gets worse, people's driving does too. yay. Thank god I'm just staying in today and cleaning and working on some art. I don't think I can handle all the craziness. Of course this also means I have no social life, but what the hell. Where has that gotten me recently. :p I do appreciate the random call from time to time though. (hint hint)

LOL!! Well, if that doesn't beat all. And here I thought I could shake the curse of not saying anything about a girl I was dating without her immediatly dumping me! Yup! That's right! Not an hour after I posted that last bit, did she not get online and say she didn't think things would work out between us. Somethng about how I work jobs and she has a career and blah blah blah. I'm disappointed, yes. But I can't be mad at her. She is really cool, and we may end up being friends, but this is why I don't get attached anymore. She was wondering why I didn't put any moves on her in the first date. THIS IS THE REASON WHY!!! Because you get this idea that something's there, and as soon as you feel complacent, bam! There it goes. Bye bye, ciao ciao. So long. Oh well. Gives me more time to paint I guess.

I don't know why I did it, but I somehow got dragged back into this dating thing once again. Oddly enough, this new girl is quite nice. Very intelligent, very rich (lol, I'm not a gold-digger, she contacted me), and is quite cute, although somehwat overweight, but it works for her. But she's a workaholic, so it's tough sometimes figuring out whether I'm bothering her, or if she's just busy and can't take time to make sure I'm being treated like the inner child I want to be. :p I guess I'll just have to maintain. It's not like we've been together forever or anything, but you just know it could be good sometimes. Like you know about a good melon.

Some things aren't much sweeter then seeing the Yankees and their punk ass, jerk off fans, getting swept by the BoSox after being up 3-0 in a best of seven series. :p MWHAHAHA!!! Divine intervention is a wonderful thing. Other than that, my week has been pretty blah so far. I took the day off yesterday because of headaches and slept till about 12:30. Did nothing all day and that was good. Today I made up for it by working both jobs and drinking a crap load of coffee. And you know you've made it when the guy at Dunkin' Donuts remembers you on sight! He likes to give me freebies too! Too bad I'm trying to watch my girlish figure.

Sitting around, sick in bed all day will do three things to you. First, you'll watch a lot of TV. Second, you'll do a lot of thinking. And third, because of all the sleeping you've done during the day, you can't get to bed at night. So what better time to do a little blogging. I somehow managed to watch Down with Love, Something's Gotta Give, and When Harry Met Sally all in one day. And of course it does the one thing I don't really care to do right now, make me think about relationships. It's funny how you run so hard from something, yet it keeps pullin gyou back in. I feel like AL Pacino in the Godfather. Some day I'll have my head around my own life, and maybe I'll be able to enjoy life with someone else. Of course, the question begs to be asked, does anyone ever have a complete handle on their situation? I always laugh at people who say they aren't ready for kids yet. Either they don't have enough money, or time, or whatever to afford one, but in all honesty, no one is ever ready. You just do it because that's how it goes. You handle the situation, it becomes another part of your life that you deal with. Same thing with love. Too bad I seem to handle it badly. Case in point. This girl at the jewelers next door. Tried to ask her out, it bombed. Another girl I tried to meet up with, totally trashed when I got there and being hit on about 3 or 4 guys while she was in said condition. Not the kind of girl for me. And then there's the 54 year old who is most likely either too busy, or not interested. Whatever the case, it's funny how the comedy of errors piles up after a while. Not that I'm complaining. I don't have any regrets about how things have turned out. I just look at it all in retrospect and chalk it up to life's ups and downs. I've had great times, I've had bad times, but they all helped me be who I am today (for better or worse). And I think I'm at the point now where I'm just thinking out loud. So I should probably stop. There's always tomorrow..... ;)

Another crash and burn, you'd think I would learn. I've been talking to some people about a new girl at the jewler's next door. She's been in a few times, we talk we laugh, and I've talked to some of the people there, and they make it out like she's somewhat interested in me. Ok. Fine. I figure you can't be a pussy and not ask someone out for fear of rejection. It's not even that anymore, I just don't like making things awkward between customers and myself. Well, I tried. And I got about as much reaction as you would from hitting a parapalegic in the chest with a basbeall bat. She just said she's kind of busy and that was about it. I figure if she's playing hard to get, she's playing it with the wrong guy. I don't have time for petty shit like that. Let the next sucker chase after her. I have plenty of ho's waiting in the wings anyway. LoL. If nothing else, at least my personal life outside of relationships is going well. I did read this article on CNN.com yesterday that said 1 out of 100 people are potentially asexual. This means they have no preference for sex, not that they don't have sex organs. And their criteria for this was that the person responded as not having sex for over a year, and felt that they were either very happy with their lives as is, or extremely happy. I thought this was a very stupid way to determine if someone is asexaul. I mean, I've gone a couple years without sex and still have a very good idea of myself and my life. But that hasn't stopped me and my hand from having a very personal and one-on-one relatinship. Sheesh, being asexual is so confusing. Guess that's why they're making t-shirts now that say "Asexuality isn't just for Ameobas Anymore." It's a 2-celled organism problem now.

Yeah. It's been a while. Again. Seems I've been busy the last few weeks. Alumni weekend at the 'Cuse. Working two jobs. Painting up a storm (which basically works as a third job). And the longer my hair gets, the more women want me. MWHAHAHA!!! I'm like Samson or something. Went out for a nice date with an old friend while back at school. And now that I'm back is seems like every girl I walk into wants a date. But that's cool, because I'm not really looking, but I don't mind going out to do stuff with women. As always, when you could care less about it, that's when it comes looking for you. But enough about me. How about that presidential debate?!! I've never seen a country so divided over something like this before. Though I'm most definitely on Kerry's side, I almost wonder what kinds of troubles he's going to get us into. Because I'm sure his presidency won't be empty of stupid mistakes and faux pas'. But anything has to be better then Mr. Jackass Angry Man himself. Little bastard.

Hey!! How are ya?!! Doing good I hope. I myself have been a busy little bee. A busy little bee indeed. Sunday was awesome. The Nascar race was loud and fast as expected. The ride home was ironicly quiet and sloooooow. Way too much traffic. But the race itself was just crazy. Tuesday we had the storm of the year and I had to stay at my aunt's house because all the roads to my house were flooded. And ugh, this basement stunk for a few days. It's ok now, since we took the whole door off in anticipation of a replacement. :) And speaking of replacements, I moved into my sister's old room. Yay!! More space. Nice, hardwood flooring instead of the paper-thin rug. But I think I might buy an area rug, because sound just travels waaaay too easily in there. I need my privacy damnit!! So I've been spending what free time I've had up there, moving junk around and doing laundry (which needed to be done baaaadly) It was funny though. Some of my sister's pictures are still up on the wall. There is one set she has of all the Delaware cousins at a party a couple years ago. And right underneath of that is a pic of all the cousins from Kentucky. I'm wearing the same shirt in BOTH pictures!!! It's like I'm a hermit or something! I think I'm going to burn that shirt, just to make sure it doesn't end up in any more pictures. And now I must go.....do....something.

Well well well. Looks like picking up a few extra hours at Waldenbooks has turned into about 3 nights a week and less time to do anything around the house. Of course, this didn't stop me from going to Wal-Mart to pick up my copy of the Star Wars Trilogy! MWHAHAHAH!!! $40 no less! What a bargain! I don't care what people say about them being the evil empire and what not. They price according to my liking. :p I couldn't find it anywhere else for less then $60. So I will be watching that with what time I do have to myself. Though I should get some painting done sooner or later. Tough part is, I work tomorrow night too, then it's off to Reading, PA with a buddy of mine to see Jamie McMurray (Nascar driver) then Friday, well, it's Friday. And Saturday I'm off to see the races. (well, the race is actually on Sunday, but you usually make a whole weekend of it.) Ah, the busy life I lead. :p

I started working at a kiosk owned by Waldenbooks last night. It's just a calendar dealy, but I like it because I'm by myself and can just do my won thing. And apparently my own thing involves asking really odd questions to myself. For instance. Why is it that if you look at ears long enough, they seem to be completely aestetically displeasing to the eye. I mean, think about it! Here are these two pieces of cartlidge or whatever just hanging off the sides of our heads. They're not smooth or round or even remotely normal looking if you take them by themselves. And then there are the variations! Large ears on small heads. Small ears on large heads. Ears that come out for a mile from someone's head, or ears that seem to barely pull themselves away from the skull. I'm starting to sound like a Dr. Suess story, but it almost feels like you're staring at something out of one. Just try it some time. Find a bench or someplace to observe people sometime and just look at their ears. Don't focus on them so much as you do the ears and I think you'll see that it almost becomes some wierd alien growth coming off the side of people's heads more then it is the vessel of one of our 5 senses. **shudder**

If I could get through one week at work without having something come back to bite me in the ass, I just might be able to sleep easier at night. Today it was a customer who had made a large deposit we put a hold on. (Banks are legally allowed to put holds on funds from checks if we think the check may be bad) Well, I put the hold on, but didn't send them the letter that states we did it. So of course we got a call today and everyone went crazy that I hadn't sent the letter. It's probably the first time I've done that, but it just makes life that much less fun there. Going to Waldenbooks (which is like a mental ward in itself) is almost like a getaway compared to the stress of waiting for the next error in judgement to come back at me. I figure it'll come down to me not quitting, or getting fired, but ending up on the witness stand because I unkowingly helped someone defraud the bank or another person. Ah, life is just.......yummy. But besides that, things are well. :)

If you haven't read the DaVinci Code yet, well, it ain't the most amazing book in the world. The story is pretty weak, but the concepts and issues it raises are awe-inspiring. I've actually moved on to another book called The DaVinci Code: Decoded. It covers all the research Dan Brown did on the book (because he basically states at the onset that all the concepts and theories he puts forth in the book are true) and tells you what the research is all about. He doesn't make judgements on Brown's book itself, he just tells you about the stories behind the theories. I'm also going to read some of the books that attack Brown's theories, but I like reading the ones that have an unbiased opinion first. So that's taken up a lot of my time recently. I actually had a long conversation with my mom and sister about it tonight, which was cool, since we haven't had a long discussion about anything in a pretty darn long time.

And my football teams all lost this week!! WAAAAAHH!!!! Oh well. It's not how you start, it's how you finish. :)

It's been one hell of a week, that's for sure. Had Monday off which always helps, but on Tuesday, right at the end of the dday (as it always does) this customer comes in all pissed off. Closes her accounts and we come to find out that her and her husband are on the outs and at some point he got a hold of an account number that he was not a part of. And a teller had given him the balance in that account. Now it eventually came out that it wasn't me, but she said he had told her a guy had given him the balance. ie; ME! And I think I actually did, but the dates don't match up on the stories. Anyway, I figured I should probably just quit to make it all better for everyone. I had my letter of resignation all ready and everything on Wednesday and spent the day debating whether or not I should turn it in. I ended up deciding that if I was going to get fired, they would have done it by now, but since they are in a bad spot staffing wise, they really can't. So I guess I'll stay around as long as they're willing to pay me (overtime no less because we're shortstaffed!). And so that was my week at work. Yippee doodah. And after that it's just been business as usual. Though now I have money!! YAY!! So I shall be eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Star Wars trilogy on September 21st!! MWHAHAH!!!! Oh, and football starts today. So my Sundays are full till February.

So I have shaved off the beard. Seems some grandmothers want to introduce me to their grandaughters and a beard is apparantly not my way to make a good first impression. So my face is back from vacation. Of course, work has been work, what with being shortstaffed and all. Though I am getting overtime which will help my pocketbook a bit. Plus Waldenbooks scheduled me for MOnday (Labor Day) and they pay time and a half also!! Yay!! So money money money. Now i need to figure out some time off! Hopefully New Hampshire will be in my sights later this month, or early next, and then Syracuse in October or November. It really depends. Schedules are a hell of a thing.

Things seem to be back to normal so to speak as I have been doing some working out, eating right, and working on the art. Don't you just wish the things you want and need would just magically appear instead of having to go through all of that nasty business of having to work for them?!! Though I guess I wouldn't appreciate them nearly as much if I didn't have to put all the work in. I just hope it's not all in vain. I mean, I have skills and abilities and a good head on my shoulders, but this whole art thing needs to work out or I would have wasted some serious time for nothing. And then it comes back to not being in a negative frame of mind. And I'm really not. I honestly believe this will all work out for me in some form or fashion. I just don't feel any other way. But, in a realistic sense, I do have to think about what to do if it falls through. Too bad I'm thinking of it all working out. :p

One heck of a week. Being shortstaffed at the bank doesn't help tension levels. I've actually started growing a beard in hopes to a.) give my face a rest from having to shave it twice in one sitting to get a smooth shave, and b.) to cover up all of the stress zits. Who knows how things will go, I just have to make sure I cover my assets. :) Though job security isn't a problem right now as other people seem to be burning bridges a lot faster then I am. As far as anything else, the fantasy football draft is tomorrow, so all eyes are focused on that. All else is secondary. (oooooo.....sounds so menacing, don't it.)

Same 'ol same 'ol I guess. Nothing spectacular happening, which isn't bad, just not newsworthy. I've been reading a lot of articles on cnn.com over the past week and it's all craziness. People being raped and stabbed, or a child choking to death on a piece of popcorn. The sickest one was this homicide down in Florida they dubbed "The X-box slayings". These guys were squatting at a house and were kicked out by the granddaughter of the owners. They threatened her and her friends for about a week or so, saying they were going to come to the house and beat them with baseball bats while they were sleeping. The girl called the police a half a dowzen times but they couldn't do anything. So one night, these guys came to the house with aluminum bats and beat her and her friends to death. Then took some of the house knives and stabbed them a shitload of times. They said there was blood on the walls, the ceilings, everywhere. While I was reading itI just kept thinking of Manson. Sounded just like it. They said the girl was beaten so bad, she couldn't be identified with dental records. And by the way. there was an x-box in the house that had belonged to the squatters, so I guess the media needed a reason to tie these murders to Bill Gates. Assholes. Anyway, my life is much better then that, when putting it in perspective.

Went to the mall today to see my 54 year old wannabe date. LOL. Yes. I know. I'm a sad sad little man sometimes. But I think she's hot and that's all the matters. But I think people have a problem with the age difference, her being one of them. So I'm going to let her get hit on by fat, greasy old men, like she has been. It'll be good for her I'm sure. :) I myself have many prospects. They all don't pan out to anything, but some day they might. LOL. No rush on that. I have started paintings 7 & 8 which is good. I'm still painting #6, but it's easier to stay occupied if I have 2 or 3 things going at once. Boredome doesn't set in nearly as quick. And we all know how boredom can be. DAMN YOU BOREDOM!!!

Met a girl this week during my teller training classes. Too bad she works and lives in Jersey. I figure she's about an hour away from me as it is right now. That wouldn't be too horrible, but having to pay tolls on the Jersey Turnpike every time I go to see her just seems either A.) extremely desperate, or B.) extremely expensive just to get some ass. She is pretty cool though. Of course, as the older I get, the more likely it is that the women I meet will already have children. This is one of those cases. She has a little baby boy. How cute. Too bad I can't afford that shit! LOL! So here I am, somewhat poor, but will soon be working at Waldenbooks again, which means I can pay off some shit, save up for vacations (ie. Mike's wedding next year and various other trips) and save some money in general. It's not good going from paycheck to paycheck. Just FYI. ;)

Saw one of those billboards you see outside of chuches on the side of the road today. Usually the messages they have are pretty corny, but I thought the one this particular church had was very good.

"There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going"

True dat. True dat.

I can't run outside anymore!! WAAAAAHHH!!!! My legs have become too brittle to take chances on cross-country type running. I pulled a muscle in my calf last week, and did it again tonight. And for the last few weeks, my right ankle (the left one is the one I rolled down at the beach) feels hollow. So I don't need to roll another ankle, or get some kind of weird muscle, joint, bone injury. My legs are screwed enough as it is. Alas, I will be relegated to using the nordictrac. It's a much less high-impact workout, and it can get pretty damn tiring, but I felt really good about myself when I ran. It's a tough run, all those hills I was going up and down. But a workout is a workout, so I'll get over it. Now to paint. Must paint. Must paint. Must paint.

So. It's been one hell of a week. Started and finished a whole bottle of wine on Sunday, which led to me being extremely late for work on Monday, which means no more drinking on Sunday nights. I was on a shoe string there for a bit, but considering my coworker is basically forcing the company's hand with her antics, I think I'm still flying under the radar a bit. Monday night I went running, and didn't think to stretch out before I started, so I pulled the muscle in my calf. That was an odd experience. Never pulled a muscle before. It's like a permanent cramp. So I was laid up half the night. Luckily it only lasted a few days and things seem back to normal now. On Tuesday, I had to get an ultrasound on my lower extremeties (yes, the private ones you don't care to show people in public) to see if the growth I'd been feeling since January was something to worry about. Luckily it isn't, just some inflamation of the epididimus (say it three times fast), but the funny thing was, the girl who did the test remembered me from two years ago! She's cute and all, but having your tea bag scoped doesn't really lend itself well to talking all smooth and suave. Anyway, I had had an ultrasound on my liver two years ago, and I had one of my famous laughing fits while she was running this probe all over my stomach. At one point she had to stop because she was laughing so hard. So it's nice that I'm remembered. :) I'm thinking of sending some flowers over there with a thank you card. But that will have to wait till I have money!. So let's see. Wednesday......Wednesday was hump day, you decide how to take that. Thursday was recovery from hump day and last night we had our fantasy football draft. (One of 3 for me, ans I will have 2 more before the month is out.) Had a good time with the peeps who showed up. One guy was a no-show, but my cousin filled in. Her and her friend (yes, we have women in our league!) managed to put together a nice little team. Thank god, because it would have been a mess if they couldn't. That leads me to today, and dragging my ass around all day since I stayed up till almost 2 doing the draft last night.

All in all, a fairly active week for a guy who has $4 in his checking account. :)

To Try is to Risk Failure.

To Do Nothing Guarantees It.

So I was running again today (more like run-wheeze-walkforabit-run-wheeze-walkforabit, you get the idea) and I was getting all existential with myself. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I am lazy by nature, and while I have large ideas, and grandiose plans for myself, my apparant lack of motivational skills is seriously hampering my ability to get them accomplished. For instance. Last night. I wanted to drink. I eventually didn't (which is a good thing as I shouldn't be drinking on my medication, and I've been having bad reactions to alcohol in general when I drink too much anyway). But the only reason I didn't is because I was too lazy to figure out where I wanted to go to buy it. So I ended up going to 7-11 and bought, a mocha frappaccino, a smore's pop tart pack (just 2 of 'em in the pack, not the whole box. :p ) and an ice cream sandwich. The good kind with the big chocolate chip cookies on either end. And I ate it all, expecpt for one pop tart. I started to watch Bend it Like Beckham and whenever I watch movies, I always get guilty about my laziness. Because here are people who take care of their bodies and have discipline and the like. Especially in this movie, where they're playing soccer all the time. So I felt doubly fat and lazy. I've been painting, which is good, but I need to do more. I'm already behind on my self-imposed schedule, so I need to work hard to get back on it. But do I have the will to? I want to, no doubt about that. I just wish it wasn't so hard to get myself to do the things I know I have to do to succeed in life. Of course, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride, and I'd own a whole stable full of horses.

Had a really crappy day at work today, but I've decided there's not much I can do about how things shake out there, so no use complaining.  So I've decided to talk about a dream I had last night that involved my dad.  The anniversary of his death is coming up on the 4th, and I guess it's on the mind, but I had this crazy dream that had me laughing one second and crying the next.  It started out with me and some other people (never really saw them, but it felt like other family members)  in this house out in the country or somewhere non-city-like and we get this call from some guy who says he's got our father.  Not like ransom or anything like that, but that he cloned him or found some way to bring him back.  Something like that.  So we decide to go meet up with him.  And I know my mom was with me in the car, and maybe someone else, but I only remember her sitting next to me.  So we get to this restaurant that has a serving window, and I ask about my dad.  And the guy at the window says "He's right there."  And points to this plate of eggrolls!  I think my jaw hit the floor.  I was thinking "What the F is this?!!"  I picked one up and almost said "Dad?" when some people yelled over to me from a table over the way.  A wave of relief flooded through me when I realized my father hadn't been brought back as a chinese apetizer, but once I got to the table and saw my dad sitting there eating, laughing, talking, I just lost it.  I'm amazed I didn't wake up from how bad I felt in the dream.  It just hurt a lot.  Then I noticed he had these orangey type highlights in his otherwise black hair.  Of course, anyone who saw him before he died knew he had this reddish color or something dyed in his hair.  I had never seen it before and thought they had done it to get the grey out, until my mom told me he had done it himself.  I thought it was amazingly silly looking, so maybe that's why he looked a bit odd in the dream.  But it was just a very weird dream.  I miss the guy a lot.  Don't think about it like that as much anymore, but I think about him every day, one way or another.  Guess that means something.

Went to Kahunaville (caribbean themed restaurant/bar) last night with the girls from work.  It has a deck on the riverfront and has a nice little ambiance.  Around 9 or so the band started up and the girls just kept pouring in.  Lots of young ladies there.  It's fun to look.  Definitely fun.  Wish I could do more, but as with all things, you come up with reasons as to why you can't.  Mine is usually money right now.  Especially now since I think my car is telling me I need new breaks, and oil change, and maybe a new battery.  Ah, the spice of life.  Of well, I'm probably not in a good frame of mind to be dating anyway. I had a dream the other night that I was at this party with friends and was with a girl.  But I ended up dumping her at the end and gave her a list of reasons as to why I didn't want to see her any more. I even signed the damn thing!  And I'm not sure if I needed her to sign it to, but I wouldn't be surprised.  Like I had to have her written consent to agree to the reasons for me dumping her!  It was funny to think about, but I wonder if maybe I'm coming up with reasons why I can't date people.  Things that make you go hmmmmmmm......

Got back to running today.  And it actually felt like running, not glorified jogging.  Though with the bad wheel and all, the first part of it was trying to make sure I didn't hurt my ankle any more then I already have.  Everything seems to be ok though.  Now, if I could just figure out how to lose the gut.  Now that will be a challenge.

I went walking last night because I couldn't run.  When I got back I went to rest in my bed for a bit and promptly passed out.  THis was at 7:30.  I woke up at 11 or so and figured I might as well stay in bed, seeing as staying up till 2 in the morning wouldn't help me in the least.  So I had a nice, full night of rest.  Actually showed up to work early this morning instead of just in time!  Go me right?!  Wrong.  I had to be at a company-wide meeting at 8 am at another branch.  It was already getting toward 8:30.  So I hauled ass over to the other branch and of course EVERY branch manager in the northern district was there.  Including mine!  I figure I'm in for it tomorrow when she gets back from all the other meetings she had today.  But I haven't messed up much of anything recently, so I shouldn't get yelled at too much.....I hope. :P

Had a pretty good weekend.  Though my grandmother ended up in the hospital again.  Of course, when you're 83, things like that have to be expected.  Nothing serious, just some vertigo that they're trying to get figured out.  As for the beach, things were good.  But I have to say, that when you're surrounded by beautiful girl after beautiful girl, it all seems to just run into each other in the end.  I mean, I am by no means belittling what these girls do to keep themselves in shape.  They look wonderful, but is it bad of me to not seem interested in staring at every one of them?  I like to zero in on a few that strike my fancy and completely stalk them.  lol.  No, I just like to look right now.  I have to work at making more money so I can afford one first.  Can't take a girl out on one date and blow your entire two weeks worth of money that you've alloted yourself after bills.  And no girl wants to go out on one date every 2 weeks and then do nothing else after that.  Some day maybe, but right now I think I have to focus on my career.  Or I'll never be able to get out of this dangerous circle.

Seems I've been tagged to go to the Rehobeth branch tomorrow to do a day of power cold calling!!  Nothing like calling random fucking strangers to ask them to talk to some guy I barely know while working with a bunch of banking psychophants.  I hear these people down at the shore branches are fanatical about being bankers.  Whoopdy-frickin-doo.  Anyway, it gave me a good excuse to get down there before the real beach traffic hits tomorrow, and maybe hijinks will ensue. :)  Actually, I just did this post for the sole purpose of using the word ensue.  Just say it a few times.  Ensue.  Ensue.  Rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? :p

Wow. I might actually host something that people will actually, you know, show up to. How novel. This will be the first time in as long as I can remember where I put something together (a fantasy football league to be exact) that people A.) agreed to do. & B.) seem genuinely willing to participate in. Now as long as the world doesn't implode between now and Auguest 6th (the day of the draft for our teams) all should go well. Go me!

You know what is good? Spaghetti dinner with your grandparents. I go over there every Wednesday to see them and keep them some company. And they love it as much as I do. My grandfather looks forward to it like a child at Christmas. I get calls on my cell if I'm late. They really look forward to it, and so do I. Though today the sauce wasn't burnt. Pop has a nasty habit of leaving the burner on forever and a day, so the sauce kind of gets this very toasty type flavor to it. Today, I could actually taste the tomato in the sauce! LoL. I think it's funny, because my mother and aunt won't even touch his food, but I like the change from non-burnt food. Even his bread is burnt! You'd think the man would check in on his culinary efforts!! But I eat it with relish (not real relish, just a figure of speech kind of relish) and enjoy the crazy stories he tells me afterwards. Like today. He noticed my spiderman tie (which I need a replacement for as this one is getting a little long in the tooth) and immediately broke into a story about how he went to this party once with this HUGE tie! I couldn't think of him wearing something as goofy as that, but he's like that now. He talks all the time. Almost can't get him to shut up at times! Which is funny, because he didn't say word one to anyone when I was a kid. Maybe senility is setting in.....

And here I am again!! Aren't I just wonderful? Life moves on from the whole "relationship" thing. Played golf with the guys yesterday, got trashed afterwards. Ate good food, saw some fireworks. All in all a pretty good 4th of July. Now back to work and workouts. Too bad I couldn't get myself to do that tonight. *sigh* If only I could find a way to lose weight that didn't involve eating like a rabbit and running till I had a coronary. If you find something, let me know!

Hey! It's been a while. I've missed you so.....

Anyway, girls take up a lot of time. Just FYI. But I seem to have managed to meet someone, have a relationship, and break up with her within the span of two weeks. I don't know if it's a good thing or bad that my relationships are getting exponentially smaller in size time-wise or not. At least now I'll have money and time to spend on painting!! But getting a piece of ass would be nice once in a while. *sigh*. Ass. Anyway! My computer still hates my guts, so at least some things never change! :)

After 1 and a half years (and if you count actual sex it would be over 2) I have been with a women in a more then familiar way. Yay me! Not like I seduced her or anything. It was very much a mutual thing, but sometimes you just need to get laid, and I have. So MWHHAAHHAA!! Anyway, I'm spent. So more will come later.

If there is such a thing as someone's double, I think I've found Jenn's (My ex-fiancee') This girl doesn't look or sound like Jenn, but she talks, acts, thinks, and pretty much does everything the way Jenn used to. Very opinionated about everything, doesn't want to make decisions, but loves to criticize yours, and has a nasty habit of pointing out everything you do wrong and laughing at it. I'm still trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she is falling dangerously close to that line where I can't even fathom something long term with her. It'd be too much like living in hell. But I'll do her. Don't get me wrong. As long as I've been without, I think I'm due for a little action. And that might sound like an asshole thing to say, but I think I've been on this end of the stick long enough. Time to enjoy the comforts of a woman for a while. And don't fret for her. If she's anything like Jenn, she needs to be taken down a notch or two anyway from that pedestal she's on.

P.S. Yes, I'm an asshole, but fuck it. Gotta be sometime.

I ran again today!! And I ran well!! Of course I still felt like I was going to die, but I felt good about the accomplishment. I also had a "drink" (which was more like 3 or 4) with a nice girl last night. Better then I thought it would be. We're going out tomorrow to see Dodgeball!! Rah! Updates shall ensue.

Oh jogging, how I hate thee. Let me count the ways.

1.) The feeling like my heart is going to burst out of my chest like the alien from the alien movies at any moment.

2.) Assholes who feel a need to say shit to you as you jog by them in the park.

3.) the shin splints, hip pointers, muscle cramps, and various other physical ailments that come with doing something you rarely have done and are almost unwilling to do.

Please let this all pass, as I am running out of interesting ways to lose weight other then eating like a rabbit which is against my religion and most any other fiber in my being.

Sincerely,
Me.

P.S. bastard.

Went to the Italian Festival tonight. Had a good time. Went with my uncle, met up with some family, but he and I basically walked around and ran into people we knew, ate some food, drank some spirits, and really just did what us Italians do. Mingle. We're minglers. ;P Saw some cute girls, and dodged raindrops. All in all a good time. I like running into people I know. Makes me fell like I'm a part of something. And I guess that's what it's really all about. Even people you don't like. I ran into our financial advisor, who I think is a prick and not very good at his job, but I'm sure he liked that I came up and said somethng (since he was alone with his wife and looked like he could use the conversation) and I liked that I knew someone there. Of course after that I ran into like 50 people, but you have to start somewhere. :p

Fuck me in the goat ass!! This virus is just a pain. But at least I can get online. Not in the way I want to, but something is better then nothing. I'll say something tomorrow, when i'm not as angry about all this crap.

Yes, it has been a while, hasn't it. That's what happens when your computer gets a virus that shuts the fucker down, then when you restart it, it has all these critical function errors. Huzzah. fuckers. So I'm using the old computer here and there, and figured now might be a good time to post something. PLayed golf today. You get one heck of a workout when you take 104 shots. :p And my brother's 30th birthday is Tuesday. We're supposed to be surprising him with a trip to see the Phillies in the new ballpark, though I don't see why we can't just tell him outright and go. oh well. I need to scrounge up some cash to pay for his ticket. I think that would be something nice. let everyone else try and get him drunk. :p And I'm running now. Not like now, now. But every night. For about 45 minutes or so. Usually I just do about two circuits around the neighborhood and the park. That pretty much does me in as it is. :p Some day I might lose weight. Have to go eat revioli now though. LOL

Well, life is just fucking roses sometimes. :) I mean, how I manage not to get fired is beyond me. Had another difference the other day, but they decided it was a recovery of a difference from a couple weeks ago. Which it obviously wasn't, but these women love me way too much to let me go. MWAHAHAHAH!!! Of course this also means I've had a serious craving for alcohol the last week or so. I've had some beers, but I think I've managed pretty well. Then this whole fucking woman thing. I've decided internet women are worse then the ones you meet at bars. These chicks have no time for dicking around and get mad if you're not their boyfriend by the third date. And god forbid you should be on time!! They say call. I call, no one's home. Then they have the fucking gall to ask me what I've been up to. FUCKING TRYING TO CALL YOU WHORE!!! Agh!! Oh well. Gives me time to paint. Too bad I don't paint angry anymore. It's all children's book stuff now. huzzah.

YEs. I've been busy. Busy trying to not get fired (read previous posts), busy playing this whole dating game, busy taking people's money on the golf course. Just busy busy busy. Went out Friday night with some peeps from the fam. We bowled. I made them sweat for a few frames as I dazzled with my amazingly straight throws and knockout strikes. Then the wheels came off the cart and I stunk it up from there on out. I guess my average score is about an 85. I'm great at bowling. Last night I went out with my yahoo girlfriend again. She wants me bad. She has big boobs. I almost gave in and did it with her, but I just don't think it would be right. DAMN MY MORALS!! And today I played golf. Woke up late so I was doing 90 down I-95 to get to the course on time. I just barely made it. And my team won our round, so I picked up $30 in the process. Huzzah!! And now I am fat and happy from the barbeque at my uncle's place. All hail baby back ribs.

You'd be surprised how much a simple thing as a tshirt design can become a major headache. The first one I did a month ago was fine. I did it, emailed it, and boom, done. This latest one is in it's third form now, and it's just frustrating. I had to break it up into layers. Stupid me thought they meant layers of objects (like this character has his own layer and that character has theirs) but the printers needed it broken up by color. Fucking duh!! It's screenprinting, I should I have known that. They print from the lightest color to the darkest, black being the last (which would be all the line drawing). So I got that done. NOw they can't read the disk I put it on. So I have to email them this file which is about 4 MEG!!! It's huge!! Even compressing it into a zip file (too much to explain if you don't already know what it is) it'll be like a MEG. Then I have to email it to them. ugh. Good luck downloading that bitch. :p
Anyway, that's my dilemma. yippee.

Went out on another date last night. We saw Shrek 2. Really great movie, though I think I'm going to see it again some time, because we were about 2 rows back, so we were WAY too close, and it was like social hour. There were all these kids and teenagers, and no one wants to shut the f up. That's why I hate going to opening weekend movies. Unless it's during the day. Usually you don't get as many kids. Adults at least know when to shut up. (mostly :p )

After that, it's basically survival mode at the job. Ran into some troubl yesterday when I took some money from the vault to make change for a customer and couldn't remember that I took a tray of quarters (which equals $100) or a wrap of $1 bills (which also equals $100) and we were trying to figure this all out after we closed. Took us till 7 o clock, but it got fixed, thank god. Of course this also meant I was scrambling to get to the date. ah. the spice of life. :)

I think I've finally figured out my little "bug" problem. I've had this damn website insinuate itself as my home page a week or so ago, and after many updates to my spyware detectors, I think I've managed to at least quarentine the problem if not destroy it. Huzzah!! Now if only my job were going so well. Seems I may have to look for a new one soon. See, when you work for a bank, you only get so many mistakes in a year. And you're only allowed so much money to be off in a year. And I have somehow managed to hit my limits on both in only 5 months. :\ So if I make one or two more mistakes within the calendar year, they have to fire me. No matter how much they like me. So I'm a little ticked at myself for that. Someday I'll find a job I like and can keep I guess. Just not today. :p Though being sick hasn't helped other. Just a nasal thing, but I think that's the reason I missed $20 today and had to take the hit. I hate the mornings. :\

Didn't wake up till 2 today. Oh, I opened my eyes a few times, tossed and turned a bit, but for the most part, I enjoyed my bed overly much. Ren into an old friend today which was good. Haven't seen him in about 10 years or so. Seems I've been talking to a lot of people lately that I didn't expect to talk to ever again. Jenn, Michelle (my first girlfriend), TOny (the guy I ran into today). World is quite crazy like that. What goes around comes around. Must mean I didn't piss anyone off too much. :p

Went out on a date for the first time in a long time last night. It was a pretty good time. She's pretty enough I guess. Likes to talk. Has things to say. Good enough for me right now. :) (can't be too picky these days). Saw Van Helsing. NOt as bad as people have made it out to be. Some of the story was kind of goofy, but nothing horrible. Today is my sister's engagement party. Have some family in from Kentucky which is nice. We'll see how this all pans out, what with severe thunderstorms due by the time the thing starts. But I must be responsible now and help set up, so ciao!

Ah, life. It's a fickle thing. Things have been good. Played pretty well on the course yesterday, though I managed to sprain my ankle on the 17th fairway. And it sucked, because I had a 60 pound bag on my back!! Luckily today it's better. I can't afford any more bad ankle injuries. They'll need to amputate on the next one! Going to see the Blue Rocks tomorrow night. They're the local baseball team by the way. Single-A affiliate for the Kansas City Royals. It's a good family event sort of thing, so a bunch of the peeps from work and I are going to go. Should be fun. And finally, in the "work is futile" department, I was working on another t-shirt design Saturday night and had it working great. It was about two thirds of the way done and I decided to take a break and come back to it. Well, when I came back and went to save it THE FUCKING PROGRAM CRASHED!!! GAH!!!! And I told them I would have it done by Tuesday!! So I am now going to spend the rest of the night trying to get this damn thing done. Wish me luck......ugh

Well. It was just about everything I expected. there were about 240,000 people at Churchill Downs between the two days of racing and it was packed!! I spent about 16 hours on average at the track since we had to man a booth at the paddock selling memorabilia to get in for free, but most of my time was spent running around with Nick (my cousin for those who aren't in the know), seeing how many places our employee passes could get us into. Pretty much everywhere it seems. :) I think I saw races from every angle on the track. The infield. Millionaire's row (were the important people are supposed to be I guess), different parts of the grandstand, and the paddock. Big screen TVs everywhere so you can see the race while they run on the other side of the track from you. The weather was utter crap, but it didn't stop people from having a good time. Even when it was raining like the end of the world! I loved it. I have tons of stories, but they'd take forever to tell on here. Good times though. And some awesome pics. :)

Yeah. So I've been EXTREMELY lazy about this the last few days. I wanted to write something, since I actually did stuff this weekend, but just didn't feel up to typing. So now I have to type even more to catch up!!! I went down to the beach Friday night in a huge rain storm, and of course, my windshield wipers weren't working right, I was driving in a place i didn't know that well with ALL THIS FUCKING CONSTRUCTION going on, and i had to pee like it was going to come out my eyeballs!! So I took care of what I could first, then made the rest of the journey to aunt jeanette's beach house. Stayed for a few hours the next day to do some PR for my t-shirt design, then came home. And managed to get my nose sunburned in just over an hour in the sun. ugh. sunscreen, must remember the sunscreen. So I played golf with the guys on Sunday, and was paired with my brother, which is usually a volatile combination. But I had the best round of my life I think, and we both walked away with $40 each! HUZZAH!! Now it's on to Kentucky for the Derby. I leave tomorrow night and will stay till Monday. And the best part is I'll get in for free!! I'll be able to go anywhere in the complex during the derby, even millionaire's row, which is where all the celebrities go!! Must have camera handy!! But fear drunk people when I go to the infield. I shall cross my fingers and hope for the best. :)

Nothing of interest to note really. Went to the grandparent's for lunch, came home and powerwashed the siding on the house, was dead tired when I returned the ladder to the guy I borrowed it from, which of course meant he would want to talk to me for 2 hours!!! Oh well, I learned some new things, so it wasn't so bad. Had crabs for dinner at the cousin's place, then back home to promptly pass the hell out. Only to do it all again today!! HURRAH!!! Well, not really. Just amazingly tired.

I cleaned!!! Yes. Me. I. Clean. Deliciousness.

At least a good portion of the mess that I have managed to create here in the basement has been either eliminated or otherwise disposed of. Be that actually putting it away or throwing it out, or just making a neater pile of it, it's all at least out of the way!! Hopefully I'll have enough room now to make some work. I really need to get off my ass. Some day I'll realize that you can't just half-ass your way through things and hope to have shit come out rosey. I just wish I could motivate myself on a regular basis. I need a muse. Or maybe I need to be my own muse. Some direction in general would help too. Alas, direction seems to be the one thing I can't give to myself. If I put as much effort into anything else as I do with looking at porn (ie. everything that comes with looking at porn) I'd be well on my way to a career. Sweet irony I guess.

I don't think it's a whole lot to ask to want to be invited to something instead of being expected to show up on account of it being family. My cousin had a birthday party yesterday, and I didn't even know she was having one till about 4 hours before it happened. The only reason I found out at all was from shooting the shit with my sister's man. So I wasn't very pleased. Then my cousin calls me FROM the party. It's already started and she decides it's time to call and ask me to come up. I politely declined. Now I can see a lot of people would say "She /did/ ask you. And you still didn't go. Why are you acting like a baby about this?" And I say, if I did go, the only thing it would have proved was that it was ok for her to completely forget about me. I would be condoning what she did, and I can't do that. I don't know which is worse. Not being asked at all, or being forgotten completely. It's a wonderful life.

Bitches ain't nuthin' but hos an' tricks. I asked her out today. She's just started seeing someone. Or so she says. I figure it could be one of many reasons. All of which are less then ego-boosting and don't help me feel any better about the situation at all. So I've decided to just forget about it and move on to something else which I hope will be more productive and give me more tangible results. I really need to get some art done. I would like to think that I can get something done. Here's to hoping once again.

Went to see the peeps up at the OPS center in New Jersey today after work. And the girl I've been talking to is CUTE. Petite. Young. Very nice. And there are a lot of girls like her up there. I had the whole place going. People looking over cubicles to see who everyone was talking to. I must have been really loud, because no one looked like they were getting anything done. hehehe. Anyway, I had fun, and we'll see tomorrow if she wants to do something a little more one on one with me. (Please God. Can a brother just get a little hook up?!!)

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. Now there's a saying I like. I don't put much into it, but just say it a few times. It certainly has a way of rolling off the tongue. Though a great writer (who's name escapes me at the moment) once said that "cellar door" is the most eloquent phrase in the English language. I don't personally think it rolls off the tongue nearly as well as my phrase, but then again, I'm not a great writer, so what the hell do I know?! LoL.

I'm back!! And it seems that the weather up here is just the same as it was down there. Cold, and mostly wet. There were a few days that were quite nice, but the nights were cold, and the rain seemed to appear more often then not. But, good times were had. Lots of beer was consumed, lots of money spent, and lots of balls smacked around the golf course. I played like utter crap, but I still managed to have fun the entire time. And now I'm back to work for a few weeks before going to Kentucky for the Derby! MWHAHAHAH!! You /so/ wish you were me! lol.