Man. Life has just been crazy lately. I'm not even sure when the last time I posted to this thing was. But I figure it means things are on a roll that I don't have that much time to mull over all sorts of esoteric stuff. Hmmm....esoteric, good word!! :p Must be the word of the day.

As for a small recap of my life since my last post, it goes something like this.

*Work all week, sometimes at night too what with the book store.

*Find time to be with the girlfriend on weekends, preferably in bed, as I can kill two birds with one stone.

*After all that, find time to see family, do some chores, clean laundry, clean self, and paint. Not in anyspecific order mind you. Just whichever one I can do at that particular moment.

So now I have alloted myself 5 minutes to type. And now I'm done. Hopefully things will slow down a bit after the holiday, but I doubt it. I have to finish this book or Amy (ie. girlfriend) will disown me, and I have no idea what I'll be doing job-wise, except that it'll be through a temp agency. Whoopie!! Although I am going to New Orleans for the New Year. So there is that silver lining. :p

Yeah. Life is like a box of chocolates. You end up eating the whole damn thing way too fast, pass out for about a week, and wake up feeling like something between a car wreck and a pleasently plump Roman politician. Things have been good. Seems I have a girlfriend now (don't ask, its too complicated to put into words) and I think I had some good reviews from my teachers about the children's book, which is always good. Now I just have to finish some things out. Time shall tell about that. Right now I'm just trying to make sure I get what I need done done, and that should be enough to reach my goals. Which means I must go now to work out, and then do some painting, and then watch the Eagles beat the ever-lovin'-crap out of the Cowboys. Rah!!

How much can change in a day or two? Oh, just about a whole lot! I don't know where this is all going, but now it seems that I'm an addictive person to be around, and my lady friend is an addict. :p She is a wonderfully nice change from the list of crazies and snobs I've been seeing lately, and I would like to think something meaningful can come of this, but I'm not going to get ahead of the good times I'm having right now. And one of the nice parts is that she's so busy during the week, she really can't spare time for me, which will mean I can get some painting done during the week and have plans for the weekend! Woo!! I must now stop, before I get myself too excited and make an accident. lol

Man. Traffic is getting crazy out there. It's like Christmas. Only....not. People all over the place, flying here there and everywhere. Jumping lanes and cutting people off. Ah. It must be getting close to winter. Whenever the weather gets worse, people's driving does too. yay. Thank god I'm just staying in today and cleaning and working on some art. I don't think I can handle all the craziness. Of course this also means I have no social life, but what the hell. Where has that gotten me recently. :p I do appreciate the random call from time to time though. (hint hint)

LOL!! Well, if that doesn't beat all. And here I thought I could shake the curse of not saying anything about a girl I was dating without her immediatly dumping me! Yup! That's right! Not an hour after I posted that last bit, did she not get online and say she didn't think things would work out between us. Somethng about how I work jobs and she has a career and blah blah blah. I'm disappointed, yes. But I can't be mad at her. She is really cool, and we may end up being friends, but this is why I don't get attached anymore. She was wondering why I didn't put any moves on her in the first date. THIS IS THE REASON WHY!!! Because you get this idea that something's there, and as soon as you feel complacent, bam! There it goes. Bye bye, ciao ciao. So long. Oh well. Gives me more time to paint I guess.

I don't know why I did it, but I somehow got dragged back into this dating thing once again. Oddly enough, this new girl is quite nice. Very intelligent, very rich (lol, I'm not a gold-digger, she contacted me), and is quite cute, although somehwat overweight, but it works for her. But she's a workaholic, so it's tough sometimes figuring out whether I'm bothering her, or if she's just busy and can't take time to make sure I'm being treated like the inner child I want to be. :p I guess I'll just have to maintain. It's not like we've been together forever or anything, but you just know it could be good sometimes. Like you know about a good melon.

Some things aren't much sweeter then seeing the Yankees and their punk ass, jerk off fans, getting swept by the BoSox after being up 3-0 in a best of seven series. :p MWHAHAHA!!! Divine intervention is a wonderful thing. Other than that, my week has been pretty blah so far. I took the day off yesterday because of headaches and slept till about 12:30. Did nothing all day and that was good. Today I made up for it by working both jobs and drinking a crap load of coffee. And you know you've made it when the guy at Dunkin' Donuts remembers you on sight! He likes to give me freebies too! Too bad I'm trying to watch my girlish figure.

Sitting around, sick in bed all day will do three things to you. First, you'll watch a lot of TV. Second, you'll do a lot of thinking. And third, because of all the sleeping you've done during the day, you can't get to bed at night. So what better time to do a little blogging. I somehow managed to watch Down with Love, Something's Gotta Give, and When Harry Met Sally all in one day. And of course it does the one thing I don't really care to do right now, make me think about relationships. It's funny how you run so hard from something, yet it keeps pullin gyou back in. I feel like AL Pacino in the Godfather. Some day I'll have my head around my own life, and maybe I'll be able to enjoy life with someone else. Of course, the question begs to be asked, does anyone ever have a complete handle on their situation? I always laugh at people who say they aren't ready for kids yet. Either they don't have enough money, or time, or whatever to afford one, but in all honesty, no one is ever ready. You just do it because that's how it goes. You handle the situation, it becomes another part of your life that you deal with. Same thing with love. Too bad I seem to handle it badly. Case in point. This girl at the jewelers next door. Tried to ask her out, it bombed. Another girl I tried to meet up with, totally trashed when I got there and being hit on about 3 or 4 guys while she was in said condition. Not the kind of girl for me. And then there's the 54 year old who is most likely either too busy, or not interested. Whatever the case, it's funny how the comedy of errors piles up after a while. Not that I'm complaining. I don't have any regrets about how things have turned out. I just look at it all in retrospect and chalk it up to life's ups and downs. I've had great times, I've had bad times, but they all helped me be who I am today (for better or worse). And I think I'm at the point now where I'm just thinking out loud. So I should probably stop. There's always tomorrow..... ;)

Another crash and burn, you'd think I would learn. I've been talking to some people about a new girl at the jewler's next door. She's been in a few times, we talk we laugh, and I've talked to some of the people there, and they make it out like she's somewhat interested in me. Ok. Fine. I figure you can't be a pussy and not ask someone out for fear of rejection. It's not even that anymore, I just don't like making things awkward between customers and myself. Well, I tried. And I got about as much reaction as you would from hitting a parapalegic in the chest with a basbeall bat. She just said she's kind of busy and that was about it. I figure if she's playing hard to get, she's playing it with the wrong guy. I don't have time for petty shit like that. Let the next sucker chase after her. I have plenty of ho's waiting in the wings anyway. LoL. If nothing else, at least my personal life outside of relationships is going well. I did read this article on CNN.com yesterday that said 1 out of 100 people are potentially asexual. This means they have no preference for sex, not that they don't have sex organs. And their criteria for this was that the person responded as not having sex for over a year, and felt that they were either very happy with their lives as is, or extremely happy. I thought this was a very stupid way to determine if someone is asexaul. I mean, I've gone a couple years without sex and still have a very good idea of myself and my life. But that hasn't stopped me and my hand from having a very personal and one-on-one relatinship. Sheesh, being asexual is so confusing. Guess that's why they're making t-shirts now that say "Asexuality isn't just for Ameobas Anymore." It's a 2-celled organism problem now.

Yeah. It's been a while. Again. Seems I've been busy the last few weeks. Alumni weekend at the 'Cuse. Working two jobs. Painting up a storm (which basically works as a third job). And the longer my hair gets, the more women want me. MWHAHAHA!!! I'm like Samson or something. Went out for a nice date with an old friend while back at school. And now that I'm back is seems like every girl I walk into wants a date. But that's cool, because I'm not really looking, but I don't mind going out to do stuff with women. As always, when you could care less about it, that's when it comes looking for you. But enough about me. How about that presidential debate?!! I've never seen a country so divided over something like this before. Though I'm most definitely on Kerry's side, I almost wonder what kinds of troubles he's going to get us into. Because I'm sure his presidency won't be empty of stupid mistakes and faux pas'. But anything has to be better then Mr. Jackass Angry Man himself. Little bastard.

Hey!! How are ya?!! Doing good I hope. I myself have been a busy little bee. A busy little bee indeed. Sunday was awesome. The Nascar race was loud and fast as expected. The ride home was ironicly quiet and sloooooow. Way too much traffic. But the race itself was just crazy. Tuesday we had the storm of the year and I had to stay at my aunt's house because all the roads to my house were flooded. And ugh, this basement stunk for a few days. It's ok now, since we took the whole door off in anticipation of a replacement. :) And speaking of replacements, I moved into my sister's old room. Yay!! More space. Nice, hardwood flooring instead of the paper-thin rug. But I think I might buy an area rug, because sound just travels waaaay too easily in there. I need my privacy damnit!! So I've been spending what free time I've had up there, moving junk around and doing laundry (which needed to be done baaaadly) It was funny though. Some of my sister's pictures are still up on the wall. There is one set she has of all the Delaware cousins at a party a couple years ago. And right underneath of that is a pic of all the cousins from Kentucky. I'm wearing the same shirt in BOTH pictures!!! It's like I'm a hermit or something! I think I'm going to burn that shirt, just to make sure it doesn't end up in any more pictures. And now I must go.....do....something.

Well well well. Looks like picking up a few extra hours at Waldenbooks has turned into about 3 nights a week and less time to do anything around the house. Of course, this didn't stop me from going to Wal-Mart to pick up my copy of the Star Wars Trilogy! MWHAHAHAH!!! $40 no less! What a bargain! I don't care what people say about them being the evil empire and what not. They price according to my liking. :p I couldn't find it anywhere else for less then $60. So I will be watching that with what time I do have to myself. Though I should get some painting done sooner or later. Tough part is, I work tomorrow night too, then it's off to Reading, PA with a buddy of mine to see Jamie McMurray (Nascar driver) then Friday, well, it's Friday. And Saturday I'm off to see the races. (well, the race is actually on Sunday, but you usually make a whole weekend of it.) Ah, the busy life I lead. :p

I started working at a kiosk owned by Waldenbooks last night. It's just a calendar dealy, but I like it because I'm by myself and can just do my won thing. And apparently my own thing involves asking really odd questions to myself. For instance. Why is it that if you look at ears long enough, they seem to be completely aestetically displeasing to the eye. I mean, think about it! Here are these two pieces of cartlidge or whatever just hanging off the sides of our heads. They're not smooth or round or even remotely normal looking if you take them by themselves. And then there are the variations! Large ears on small heads. Small ears on large heads. Ears that come out for a mile from someone's head, or ears that seem to barely pull themselves away from the skull. I'm starting to sound like a Dr. Suess story, but it almost feels like you're staring at something out of one. Just try it some time. Find a bench or someplace to observe people sometime and just look at their ears. Don't focus on them so much as you do the ears and I think you'll see that it almost becomes some wierd alien growth coming off the side of people's heads more then it is the vessel of one of our 5 senses. **shudder**

If I could get through one week at work without having something come back to bite me in the ass, I just might be able to sleep easier at night. Today it was a customer who had made a large deposit we put a hold on. (Banks are legally allowed to put holds on funds from checks if we think the check may be bad) Well, I put the hold on, but didn't send them the letter that states we did it. So of course we got a call today and everyone went crazy that I hadn't sent the letter. It's probably the first time I've done that, but it just makes life that much less fun there. Going to Waldenbooks (which is like a mental ward in itself) is almost like a getaway compared to the stress of waiting for the next error in judgement to come back at me. I figure it'll come down to me not quitting, or getting fired, but ending up on the witness stand because I unkowingly helped someone defraud the bank or another person. Ah, life is just.......yummy. But besides that, things are well. :)

If you haven't read the DaVinci Code yet, well, it ain't the most amazing book in the world. The story is pretty weak, but the concepts and issues it raises are awe-inspiring. I've actually moved on to another book called The DaVinci Code: Decoded. It covers all the research Dan Brown did on the book (because he basically states at the onset that all the concepts and theories he puts forth in the book are true) and tells you what the research is all about. He doesn't make judgements on Brown's book itself, he just tells you about the stories behind the theories. I'm also going to read some of the books that attack Brown's theories, but I like reading the ones that have an unbiased opinion first. So that's taken up a lot of my time recently. I actually had a long conversation with my mom and sister about it tonight, which was cool, since we haven't had a long discussion about anything in a pretty darn long time.

And my football teams all lost this week!! WAAAAAHH!!!! Oh well. It's not how you start, it's how you finish. :)

It's been one hell of a week, that's for sure. Had Monday off which always helps, but on Tuesday, right at the end of the dday (as it always does) this customer comes in all pissed off. Closes her accounts and we come to find out that her and her husband are on the outs and at some point he got a hold of an account number that he was not a part of. And a teller had given him the balance in that account. Now it eventually came out that it wasn't me, but she said he had told her a guy had given him the balance. ie; ME! And I think I actually did, but the dates don't match up on the stories. Anyway, I figured I should probably just quit to make it all better for everyone. I had my letter of resignation all ready and everything on Wednesday and spent the day debating whether or not I should turn it in. I ended up deciding that if I was going to get fired, they would have done it by now, but since they are in a bad spot staffing wise, they really can't. So I guess I'll stay around as long as they're willing to pay me (overtime no less because we're shortstaffed!). And so that was my week at work. Yippee doodah. And after that it's just been business as usual. Though now I have money!! YAY!! So I shall be eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Star Wars trilogy on September 21st!! MWHAHAH!!!! Oh, and football starts today. So my Sundays are full till February.

So I have shaved off the beard. Seems some grandmothers want to introduce me to their grandaughters and a beard is apparantly not my way to make a good first impression. So my face is back from vacation. Of course, work has been work, what with being shortstaffed and all. Though I am getting overtime which will help my pocketbook a bit. Plus Waldenbooks scheduled me for MOnday (Labor Day) and they pay time and a half also!! Yay!! So money money money. Now i need to figure out some time off! Hopefully New Hampshire will be in my sights later this month, or early next, and then Syracuse in October or November. It really depends. Schedules are a hell of a thing.

Things seem to be back to normal so to speak as I have been doing some working out, eating right, and working on the art. Don't you just wish the things you want and need would just magically appear instead of having to go through all of that nasty business of having to work for them?!! Though I guess I wouldn't appreciate them nearly as much if I didn't have to put all the work in. I just hope it's not all in vain. I mean, I have skills and abilities and a good head on my shoulders, but this whole art thing needs to work out or I would have wasted some serious time for nothing. And then it comes back to not being in a negative frame of mind. And I'm really not. I honestly believe this will all work out for me in some form or fashion. I just don't feel any other way. But, in a realistic sense, I do have to think about what to do if it falls through. Too bad I'm thinking of it all working out. :p

One heck of a week. Being shortstaffed at the bank doesn't help tension levels. I've actually started growing a beard in hopes to a.) give my face a rest from having to shave it twice in one sitting to get a smooth shave, and b.) to cover up all of the stress zits. Who knows how things will go, I just have to make sure I cover my assets. :) Though job security isn't a problem right now as other people seem to be burning bridges a lot faster then I am. As far as anything else, the fantasy football draft is tomorrow, so all eyes are focused on that. All else is secondary. (oooooo.....sounds so menacing, don't it.)

Same 'ol same 'ol I guess. Nothing spectacular happening, which isn't bad, just not newsworthy. I've been reading a lot of articles on cnn.com over the past week and it's all craziness. People being raped and stabbed, or a child choking to death on a piece of popcorn. The sickest one was this homicide down in Florida they dubbed "The X-box slayings". These guys were squatting at a house and were kicked out by the granddaughter of the owners. They threatened her and her friends for about a week or so, saying they were going to come to the house and beat them with baseball bats while they were sleeping. The girl called the police a half a dowzen times but they couldn't do anything. So one night, these guys came to the house with aluminum bats and beat her and her friends to death. Then took some of the house knives and stabbed them a shitload of times. They said there was blood on the walls, the ceilings, everywhere. While I was reading itI just kept thinking of Manson. Sounded just like it. They said the girl was beaten so bad, she couldn't be identified with dental records. And by the way. there was an x-box in the house that had belonged to the squatters, so I guess the media needed a reason to tie these murders to Bill Gates. Assholes. Anyway, my life is much better then that, when putting it in perspective.

Went to the mall today to see my 54 year old wannabe date. LOL. Yes. I know. I'm a sad sad little man sometimes. But I think she's hot and that's all the matters. But I think people have a problem with the age difference, her being one of them. So I'm going to let her get hit on by fat, greasy old men, like she has been. It'll be good for her I'm sure. :) I myself have many prospects. They all don't pan out to anything, but some day they might. LOL. No rush on that. I have started paintings 7 & 8 which is good. I'm still painting #6, but it's easier to stay occupied if I have 2 or 3 things going at once. Boredome doesn't set in nearly as quick. And we all know how boredom can be. DAMN YOU BOREDOM!!!

Met a girl this week during my teller training classes. Too bad she works and lives in Jersey. I figure she's about an hour away from me as it is right now. That wouldn't be too horrible, but having to pay tolls on the Jersey Turnpike every time I go to see her just seems either A.) extremely desperate, or B.) extremely expensive just to get some ass. She is pretty cool though. Of course, as the older I get, the more likely it is that the women I meet will already have children. This is one of those cases. She has a little baby boy. How cute. Too bad I can't afford that shit! LOL! So here I am, somewhat poor, but will soon be working at Waldenbooks again, which means I can pay off some shit, save up for vacations (ie. Mike's wedding next year and various other trips) and save some money in general. It's not good going from paycheck to paycheck. Just FYI. ;)

Saw one of those billboards you see outside of chuches on the side of the road today. Usually the messages they have are pretty corny, but I thought the one this particular church had was very good.

"There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going"

True dat. True dat.

I can't run outside anymore!! WAAAAAHHH!!!! My legs have become too brittle to take chances on cross-country type running. I pulled a muscle in my calf last week, and did it again tonight. And for the last few weeks, my right ankle (the left one is the one I rolled down at the beach) feels hollow. So I don't need to roll another ankle, or get some kind of weird muscle, joint, bone injury. My legs are screwed enough as it is. Alas, I will be relegated to using the nordictrac. It's a much less high-impact workout, and it can get pretty damn tiring, but I felt really good about myself when I ran. It's a tough run, all those hills I was going up and down. But a workout is a workout, so I'll get over it. Now to paint. Must paint. Must paint. Must paint.

So. It's been one hell of a week. Started and finished a whole bottle of wine on Sunday, which led to me being extremely late for work on Monday, which means no more drinking on Sunday nights. I was on a shoe string there for a bit, but considering my coworker is basically forcing the company's hand with her antics, I think I'm still flying under the radar a bit. Monday night I went running, and didn't think to stretch out before I started, so I pulled the muscle in my calf. That was an odd experience. Never pulled a muscle before. It's like a permanent cramp. So I was laid up half the night. Luckily it only lasted a few days and things seem back to normal now. On Tuesday, I had to get an ultrasound on my lower extremeties (yes, the private ones you don't care to show people in public) to see if the growth I'd been feeling since January was something to worry about. Luckily it isn't, just some inflamation of the epididimus (say it three times fast), but the funny thing was, the girl who did the test remembered me from two years ago! She's cute and all, but having your tea bag scoped doesn't really lend itself well to talking all smooth and suave. Anyway, I had had an ultrasound on my liver two years ago, and I had one of my famous laughing fits while she was running this probe all over my stomach. At one point she had to stop because she was laughing so hard. So it's nice that I'm remembered. :) I'm thinking of sending some flowers over there with a thank you card. But that will have to wait till I have money!. So let's see. Wednesday......Wednesday was hump day, you decide how to take that. Thursday was recovery from hump day and last night we had our fantasy football draft. (One of 3 for me, ans I will have 2 more before the month is out.) Had a good time with the peeps who showed up. One guy was a no-show, but my cousin filled in. Her and her friend (yes, we have women in our league!) managed to put together a nice little team. Thank god, because it would have been a mess if they couldn't. That leads me to today, and dragging my ass around all day since I stayed up till almost 2 doing the draft last night.

All in all, a fairly active week for a guy who has $4 in his checking account. :)

To Try is to Risk Failure.

To Do Nothing Guarantees It.

So I was running again today (more like run-wheeze-walkforabit-run-wheeze-walkforabit, you get the idea) and I was getting all existential with myself. I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I am lazy by nature, and while I have large ideas, and grandiose plans for myself, my apparant lack of motivational skills is seriously hampering my ability to get them accomplished. For instance. Last night. I wanted to drink. I eventually didn't (which is a good thing as I shouldn't be drinking on my medication, and I've been having bad reactions to alcohol in general when I drink too much anyway). But the only reason I didn't is because I was too lazy to figure out where I wanted to go to buy it. So I ended up going to 7-11 and bought, a mocha frappaccino, a smore's pop tart pack (just 2 of 'em in the pack, not the whole box. :p ) and an ice cream sandwich. The good kind with the big chocolate chip cookies on either end. And I ate it all, expecpt for one pop tart. I started to watch Bend it Like Beckham and whenever I watch movies, I always get guilty about my laziness. Because here are people who take care of their bodies and have discipline and the like. Especially in this movie, where they're playing soccer all the time. So I felt doubly fat and lazy. I've been painting, which is good, but I need to do more. I'm already behind on my self-imposed schedule, so I need to work hard to get back on it. But do I have the will to? I want to, no doubt about that. I just wish it wasn't so hard to get myself to do the things I know I have to do to succeed in life. Of course, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride, and I'd own a whole stable full of horses.

Had a really crappy day at work today, but I've decided there's not much I can do about how things shake out there, so no use complaining.  So I've decided to talk about a dream I had last night that involved my dad.  The anniversary of his death is coming up on the 4th, and I guess it's on the mind, but I had this crazy dream that had me laughing one second and crying the next.  It started out with me and some other people (never really saw them, but it felt like other family members)  in this house out in the country or somewhere non-city-like and we get this call from some guy who says he's got our father.  Not like ransom or anything like that, but that he cloned him or found some way to bring him back.  Something like that.  So we decide to go meet up with him.  And I know my mom was with me in the car, and maybe someone else, but I only remember her sitting next to me.  So we get to this restaurant that has a serving window, and I ask about my dad.  And the guy at the window says "He's right there."  And points to this plate of eggrolls!  I think my jaw hit the floor.  I was thinking "What the F is this?!!"  I picked one up and almost said "Dad?" when some people yelled over to me from a table over the way.  A wave of relief flooded through me when I realized my father hadn't been brought back as a chinese apetizer, but once I got to the table and saw my dad sitting there eating, laughing, talking, I just lost it.  I'm amazed I didn't wake up from how bad I felt in the dream.  It just hurt a lot.  Then I noticed he had these orangey type highlights in his otherwise black hair.  Of course, anyone who saw him before he died knew he had this reddish color or something dyed in his hair.  I had never seen it before and thought they had done it to get the grey out, until my mom told me he had done it himself.  I thought it was amazingly silly looking, so maybe that's why he looked a bit odd in the dream.  But it was just a very weird dream.  I miss the guy a lot.  Don't think about it like that as much anymore, but I think about him every day, one way or another.  Guess that means something.

Went to Kahunaville (caribbean themed restaurant/bar) last night with the girls from work.  It has a deck on the riverfront and has a nice little ambiance.  Around 9 or so the band started up and the girls just kept pouring in.  Lots of young ladies there.  It's fun to look.  Definitely fun.  Wish I could do more, but as with all things, you come up with reasons as to why you can't.  Mine is usually money right now.  Especially now since I think my car is telling me I need new breaks, and oil change, and maybe a new battery.  Ah, the spice of life.  Of well, I'm probably not in a good frame of mind to be dating anyway. I had a dream the other night that I was at this party with friends and was with a girl.  But I ended up dumping her at the end and gave her a list of reasons as to why I didn't want to see her any more. I even signed the damn thing!  And I'm not sure if I needed her to sign it to, but I wouldn't be surprised.  Like I had to have her written consent to agree to the reasons for me dumping her!  It was funny to think about, but I wonder if maybe I'm coming up with reasons why I can't date people.  Things that make you go hmmmmmmm......

Got back to running today.  And it actually felt like running, not glorified jogging.  Though with the bad wheel and all, the first part of it was trying to make sure I didn't hurt my ankle any more then I already have.  Everything seems to be ok though.  Now, if I could just figure out how to lose the gut.  Now that will be a challenge.

I went walking last night because I couldn't run.  When I got back I went to rest in my bed for a bit and promptly passed out.  THis was at 7:30.  I woke up at 11 or so and figured I might as well stay in bed, seeing as staying up till 2 in the morning wouldn't help me in the least.  So I had a nice, full night of rest.  Actually showed up to work early this morning instead of just in time!  Go me right?!  Wrong.  I had to be at a company-wide meeting at 8 am at another branch.  It was already getting toward 8:30.  So I hauled ass over to the other branch and of course EVERY branch manager in the northern district was there.  Including mine!  I figure I'm in for it tomorrow when she gets back from all the other meetings she had today.  But I haven't messed up much of anything recently, so I shouldn't get yelled at too much.....I hope. :P

Had a pretty good weekend.  Though my grandmother ended up in the hospital again.  Of course, when you're 83, things like that have to be expected.  Nothing serious, just some vertigo that they're trying to get figured out.  As for the beach, things were good.  But I have to say, that when you're surrounded by beautiful girl after beautiful girl, it all seems to just run into each other in the end.  I mean, I am by no means belittling what these girls do to keep themselves in shape.  They look wonderful, but is it bad of me to not seem interested in staring at every one of them?  I like to zero in on a few that strike my fancy and completely stalk them.  lol.  No, I just like to look right now.  I have to work at making more money so I can afford one first.  Can't take a girl out on one date and blow your entire two weeks worth of money that you've alloted yourself after bills.  And no girl wants to go out on one date every 2 weeks and then do nothing else after that.  Some day maybe, but right now I think I have to focus on my career.  Or I'll never be able to get out of this dangerous circle.

Seems I've been tagged to go to the Rehobeth branch tomorrow to do a day of power cold calling!!  Nothing like calling random fucking strangers to ask them to talk to some guy I barely know while working with a bunch of banking psychophants.  I hear these people down at the shore branches are fanatical about being bankers.  Whoopdy-frickin-doo.  Anyway, it gave me a good excuse to get down there before the real beach traffic hits tomorrow, and maybe hijinks will ensue. :)  Actually, I just did this post for the sole purpose of using the word ensue.  Just say it a few times.  Ensue.  Ensue.  Rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? :p

Wow. I might actually host something that people will actually, you know, show up to. How novel. This will be the first time in as long as I can remember where I put something together (a fantasy football league to be exact) that people A.) agreed to do. & B.) seem genuinely willing to participate in. Now as long as the world doesn't implode between now and Auguest 6th (the day of the draft for our teams) all should go well. Go me!

You know what is good? Spaghetti dinner with your grandparents. I go over there every Wednesday to see them and keep them some company. And they love it as much as I do. My grandfather looks forward to it like a child at Christmas. I get calls on my cell if I'm late. They really look forward to it, and so do I. Though today the sauce wasn't burnt. Pop has a nasty habit of leaving the burner on forever and a day, so the sauce kind of gets this very toasty type flavor to it. Today, I could actually taste the tomato in the sauce! LoL. I think it's funny, because my mother and aunt won't even touch his food, but I like the change from non-burnt food. Even his bread is burnt! You'd think the man would check in on his culinary efforts!! But I eat it with relish (not real relish, just a figure of speech kind of relish) and enjoy the crazy stories he tells me afterwards. Like today. He noticed my spiderman tie (which I need a replacement for as this one is getting a little long in the tooth) and immediately broke into a story about how he went to this party once with this HUGE tie! I couldn't think of him wearing something as goofy as that, but he's like that now. He talks all the time. Almost can't get him to shut up at times! Which is funny, because he didn't say word one to anyone when I was a kid. Maybe senility is setting in.....

And here I am again!! Aren't I just wonderful? Life moves on from the whole "relationship" thing. Played golf with the guys yesterday, got trashed afterwards. Ate good food, saw some fireworks. All in all a pretty good 4th of July. Now back to work and workouts. Too bad I couldn't get myself to do that tonight. *sigh* If only I could find a way to lose weight that didn't involve eating like a rabbit and running till I had a coronary. If you find something, let me know!

Hey! It's been a while. I've missed you so.....

Anyway, girls take up a lot of time. Just FYI. But I seem to have managed to meet someone, have a relationship, and break up with her within the span of two weeks. I don't know if it's a good thing or bad that my relationships are getting exponentially smaller in size time-wise or not. At least now I'll have money and time to spend on painting!! But getting a piece of ass would be nice once in a while. *sigh*. Ass. Anyway! My computer still hates my guts, so at least some things never change! :)

After 1 and a half years (and if you count actual sex it would be over 2) I have been with a women in a more then familiar way. Yay me! Not like I seduced her or anything. It was very much a mutual thing, but sometimes you just need to get laid, and I have. So MWHHAAHHAA!! Anyway, I'm spent. So more will come later.

If there is such a thing as someone's double, I think I've found Jenn's (My ex-fiancee') This girl doesn't look or sound like Jenn, but she talks, acts, thinks, and pretty much does everything the way Jenn used to. Very opinionated about everything, doesn't want to make decisions, but loves to criticize yours, and has a nasty habit of pointing out everything you do wrong and laughing at it. I'm still trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she is falling dangerously close to that line where I can't even fathom something long term with her. It'd be too much like living in hell. But I'll do her. Don't get me wrong. As long as I've been without, I think I'm due for a little action. And that might sound like an asshole thing to say, but I think I've been on this end of the stick long enough. Time to enjoy the comforts of a woman for a while. And don't fret for her. If she's anything like Jenn, she needs to be taken down a notch or two anyway from that pedestal she's on.

P.S. Yes, I'm an asshole, but fuck it. Gotta be sometime.

I ran again today!! And I ran well!! Of course I still felt like I was going to die, but I felt good about the accomplishment. I also had a "drink" (which was more like 3 or 4) with a nice girl last night. Better then I thought it would be. We're going out tomorrow to see Dodgeball!! Rah! Updates shall ensue.

Oh jogging, how I hate thee. Let me count the ways.

1.) The feeling like my heart is going to burst out of my chest like the alien from the alien movies at any moment.

2.) Assholes who feel a need to say shit to you as you jog by them in the park.

3.) the shin splints, hip pointers, muscle cramps, and various other physical ailments that come with doing something you rarely have done and are almost unwilling to do.

Please let this all pass, as I am running out of interesting ways to lose weight other then eating like a rabbit which is against my religion and most any other fiber in my being.

Sincerely,
Me.

P.S. bastard.

Went to the Italian Festival tonight. Had a good time. Went with my uncle, met up with some family, but he and I basically walked around and ran into people we knew, ate some food, drank some spirits, and really just did what us Italians do. Mingle. We're minglers. ;P Saw some cute girls, and dodged raindrops. All in all a good time. I like running into people I know. Makes me fell like I'm a part of something. And I guess that's what it's really all about. Even people you don't like. I ran into our financial advisor, who I think is a prick and not very good at his job, but I'm sure he liked that I came up and said somethng (since he was alone with his wife and looked like he could use the conversation) and I liked that I knew someone there. Of course after that I ran into like 50 people, but you have to start somewhere. :p

Fuck me in the goat ass!! This virus is just a pain. But at least I can get online. Not in the way I want to, but something is better then nothing. I'll say something tomorrow, when i'm not as angry about all this crap.

Yes, it has been a while, hasn't it. That's what happens when your computer gets a virus that shuts the fucker down, then when you restart it, it has all these critical function errors. Huzzah. fuckers. So I'm using the old computer here and there, and figured now might be a good time to post something. PLayed golf today. You get one heck of a workout when you take 104 shots. :p And my brother's 30th birthday is Tuesday. We're supposed to be surprising him with a trip to see the Phillies in the new ballpark, though I don't see why we can't just tell him outright and go. oh well. I need to scrounge up some cash to pay for his ticket. I think that would be something nice. let everyone else try and get him drunk. :p And I'm running now. Not like now, now. But every night. For about 45 minutes or so. Usually I just do about two circuits around the neighborhood and the park. That pretty much does me in as it is. :p Some day I might lose weight. Have to go eat revioli now though. LOL

Well, life is just fucking roses sometimes. :) I mean, how I manage not to get fired is beyond me. Had another difference the other day, but they decided it was a recovery of a difference from a couple weeks ago. Which it obviously wasn't, but these women love me way too much to let me go. MWAHAHAHAH!!! Of course this also means I've had a serious craving for alcohol the last week or so. I've had some beers, but I think I've managed pretty well. Then this whole fucking woman thing. I've decided internet women are worse then the ones you meet at bars. These chicks have no time for dicking around and get mad if you're not their boyfriend by the third date. And god forbid you should be on time!! They say call. I call, no one's home. Then they have the fucking gall to ask me what I've been up to. FUCKING TRYING TO CALL YOU WHORE!!! Agh!! Oh well. Gives me time to paint. Too bad I don't paint angry anymore. It's all children's book stuff now. huzzah.

YEs. I've been busy. Busy trying to not get fired (read previous posts), busy playing this whole dating game, busy taking people's money on the golf course. Just busy busy busy. Went out Friday night with some peeps from the fam. We bowled. I made them sweat for a few frames as I dazzled with my amazingly straight throws and knockout strikes. Then the wheels came off the cart and I stunk it up from there on out. I guess my average score is about an 85. I'm great at bowling. Last night I went out with my yahoo girlfriend again. She wants me bad. She has big boobs. I almost gave in and did it with her, but I just don't think it would be right. DAMN MY MORALS!! And today I played golf. Woke up late so I was doing 90 down I-95 to get to the course on time. I just barely made it. And my team won our round, so I picked up $30 in the process. Huzzah!! And now I am fat and happy from the barbeque at my uncle's place. All hail baby back ribs.

You'd be surprised how much a simple thing as a tshirt design can become a major headache. The first one I did a month ago was fine. I did it, emailed it, and boom, done. This latest one is in it's third form now, and it's just frustrating. I had to break it up into layers. Stupid me thought they meant layers of objects (like this character has his own layer and that character has theirs) but the printers needed it broken up by color. Fucking duh!! It's screenprinting, I should I have known that. They print from the lightest color to the darkest, black being the last (which would be all the line drawing). So I got that done. NOw they can't read the disk I put it on. So I have to email them this file which is about 4 MEG!!! It's huge!! Even compressing it into a zip file (too much to explain if you don't already know what it is) it'll be like a MEG. Then I have to email it to them. ugh. Good luck downloading that bitch. :p
Anyway, that's my dilemma. yippee.

Went out on another date last night. We saw Shrek 2. Really great movie, though I think I'm going to see it again some time, because we were about 2 rows back, so we were WAY too close, and it was like social hour. There were all these kids and teenagers, and no one wants to shut the f up. That's why I hate going to opening weekend movies. Unless it's during the day. Usually you don't get as many kids. Adults at least know when to shut up. (mostly :p )

After that, it's basically survival mode at the job. Ran into some troubl yesterday when I took some money from the vault to make change for a customer and couldn't remember that I took a tray of quarters (which equals $100) or a wrap of $1 bills (which also equals $100) and we were trying to figure this all out after we closed. Took us till 7 o clock, but it got fixed, thank god. Of course this also meant I was scrambling to get to the date. ah. the spice of life. :)

I think I've finally figured out my little "bug" problem. I've had this damn website insinuate itself as my home page a week or so ago, and after many updates to my spyware detectors, I think I've managed to at least quarentine the problem if not destroy it. Huzzah!! Now if only my job were going so well. Seems I may have to look for a new one soon. See, when you work for a bank, you only get so many mistakes in a year. And you're only allowed so much money to be off in a year. And I have somehow managed to hit my limits on both in only 5 months. :\ So if I make one or two more mistakes within the calendar year, they have to fire me. No matter how much they like me. So I'm a little ticked at myself for that. Someday I'll find a job I like and can keep I guess. Just not today. :p Though being sick hasn't helped other. Just a nasal thing, but I think that's the reason I missed $20 today and had to take the hit. I hate the mornings. :\

Didn't wake up till 2 today. Oh, I opened my eyes a few times, tossed and turned a bit, but for the most part, I enjoyed my bed overly much. Ren into an old friend today which was good. Haven't seen him in about 10 years or so. Seems I've been talking to a lot of people lately that I didn't expect to talk to ever again. Jenn, Michelle (my first girlfriend), TOny (the guy I ran into today). World is quite crazy like that. What goes around comes around. Must mean I didn't piss anyone off too much. :p

Went out on a date for the first time in a long time last night. It was a pretty good time. She's pretty enough I guess. Likes to talk. Has things to say. Good enough for me right now. :) (can't be too picky these days). Saw Van Helsing. NOt as bad as people have made it out to be. Some of the story was kind of goofy, but nothing horrible. Today is my sister's engagement party. Have some family in from Kentucky which is nice. We'll see how this all pans out, what with severe thunderstorms due by the time the thing starts. But I must be responsible now and help set up, so ciao!

Ah, life. It's a fickle thing. Things have been good. Played pretty well on the course yesterday, though I managed to sprain my ankle on the 17th fairway. And it sucked, because I had a 60 pound bag on my back!! Luckily today it's better. I can't afford any more bad ankle injuries. They'll need to amputate on the next one! Going to see the Blue Rocks tomorrow night. They're the local baseball team by the way. Single-A affiliate for the Kansas City Royals. It's a good family event sort of thing, so a bunch of the peeps from work and I are going to go. Should be fun. And finally, in the "work is futile" department, I was working on another t-shirt design Saturday night and had it working great. It was about two thirds of the way done and I decided to take a break and come back to it. Well, when I came back and went to save it THE FUCKING PROGRAM CRASHED!!! GAH!!!! And I told them I would have it done by Tuesday!! So I am now going to spend the rest of the night trying to get this damn thing done. Wish me luck......ugh

Well. It was just about everything I expected. there were about 240,000 people at Churchill Downs between the two days of racing and it was packed!! I spent about 16 hours on average at the track since we had to man a booth at the paddock selling memorabilia to get in for free, but most of my time was spent running around with Nick (my cousin for those who aren't in the know), seeing how many places our employee passes could get us into. Pretty much everywhere it seems. :) I think I saw races from every angle on the track. The infield. Millionaire's row (were the important people are supposed to be I guess), different parts of the grandstand, and the paddock. Big screen TVs everywhere so you can see the race while they run on the other side of the track from you. The weather was utter crap, but it didn't stop people from having a good time. Even when it was raining like the end of the world! I loved it. I have tons of stories, but they'd take forever to tell on here. Good times though. And some awesome pics. :)

Yeah. So I've been EXTREMELY lazy about this the last few days. I wanted to write something, since I actually did stuff this weekend, but just didn't feel up to typing. So now I have to type even more to catch up!!! I went down to the beach Friday night in a huge rain storm, and of course, my windshield wipers weren't working right, I was driving in a place i didn't know that well with ALL THIS FUCKING CONSTRUCTION going on, and i had to pee like it was going to come out my eyeballs!! So I took care of what I could first, then made the rest of the journey to aunt jeanette's beach house. Stayed for a few hours the next day to do some PR for my t-shirt design, then came home. And managed to get my nose sunburned in just over an hour in the sun. ugh. sunscreen, must remember the sunscreen. So I played golf with the guys on Sunday, and was paired with my brother, which is usually a volatile combination. But I had the best round of my life I think, and we both walked away with $40 each! HUZZAH!! Now it's on to Kentucky for the Derby. I leave tomorrow night and will stay till Monday. And the best part is I'll get in for free!! I'll be able to go anywhere in the complex during the derby, even millionaire's row, which is where all the celebrities go!! Must have camera handy!! But fear drunk people when I go to the infield. I shall cross my fingers and hope for the best. :)

Nothing of interest to note really. Went to the grandparent's for lunch, came home and powerwashed the siding on the house, was dead tired when I returned the ladder to the guy I borrowed it from, which of course meant he would want to talk to me for 2 hours!!! Oh well, I learned some new things, so it wasn't so bad. Had crabs for dinner at the cousin's place, then back home to promptly pass the hell out. Only to do it all again today!! HURRAH!!! Well, not really. Just amazingly tired.

I cleaned!!! Yes. Me. I. Clean. Deliciousness.

At least a good portion of the mess that I have managed to create here in the basement has been either eliminated or otherwise disposed of. Be that actually putting it away or throwing it out, or just making a neater pile of it, it's all at least out of the way!! Hopefully I'll have enough room now to make some work. I really need to get off my ass. Some day I'll realize that you can't just half-ass your way through things and hope to have shit come out rosey. I just wish I could motivate myself on a regular basis. I need a muse. Or maybe I need to be my own muse. Some direction in general would help too. Alas, direction seems to be the one thing I can't give to myself. If I put as much effort into anything else as I do with looking at porn (ie. everything that comes with looking at porn) I'd be well on my way to a career. Sweet irony I guess.

I don't think it's a whole lot to ask to want to be invited to something instead of being expected to show up on account of it being family. My cousin had a birthday party yesterday, and I didn't even know she was having one till about 4 hours before it happened. The only reason I found out at all was from shooting the shit with my sister's man. So I wasn't very pleased. Then my cousin calls me FROM the party. It's already started and she decides it's time to call and ask me to come up. I politely declined. Now I can see a lot of people would say "She /did/ ask you. And you still didn't go. Why are you acting like a baby about this?" And I say, if I did go, the only thing it would have proved was that it was ok for her to completely forget about me. I would be condoning what she did, and I can't do that. I don't know which is worse. Not being asked at all, or being forgotten completely. It's a wonderful life.

Bitches ain't nuthin' but hos an' tricks. I asked her out today. She's just started seeing someone. Or so she says. I figure it could be one of many reasons. All of which are less then ego-boosting and don't help me feel any better about the situation at all. So I've decided to just forget about it and move on to something else which I hope will be more productive and give me more tangible results. I really need to get some art done. I would like to think that I can get something done. Here's to hoping once again.

Went to see the peeps up at the OPS center in New Jersey today after work. And the girl I've been talking to is CUTE. Petite. Young. Very nice. And there are a lot of girls like her up there. I had the whole place going. People looking over cubicles to see who everyone was talking to. I must have been really loud, because no one looked like they were getting anything done. hehehe. Anyway, I had fun, and we'll see tomorrow if she wants to do something a little more one on one with me. (Please God. Can a brother just get a little hook up?!!)

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. Now there's a saying I like. I don't put much into it, but just say it a few times. It certainly has a way of rolling off the tongue. Though a great writer (who's name escapes me at the moment) once said that "cellar door" is the most eloquent phrase in the English language. I don't personally think it rolls off the tongue nearly as well as my phrase, but then again, I'm not a great writer, so what the hell do I know?! LoL.

I'm back!! And it seems that the weather up here is just the same as it was down there. Cold, and mostly wet. There were a few days that were quite nice, but the nights were cold, and the rain seemed to appear more often then not. But, good times were had. Lots of beer was consumed, lots of money spent, and lots of balls smacked around the golf course. I played like utter crap, but I still managed to have fun the entire time. And now I'm back to work for a few weeks before going to Kentucky for the Derby! MWHAHAHAH!! You /so/ wish you were me! lol.

One out of two ain't bad. :)

Went to see the pierced girl today. Talked for a bit, made a ham-handed attempt to ask her out and found out she has a boyfriend. A 17-year-old boyfriend no less!! So that prompted the obligatory question of her age. 20. Whew!! Ok. I wasn't robbing the cradle. (too much. :p ) So I moved on to my bank card diva. We emailed little notes back and forth most of the day, and I eventually made it around to saying it was too bad she couldn't come out with us on Friday. Maybe she was available tonight? I thin she went to lunch right around then, because it took about a half an hour to get back to me. And the entire time I'm thinking to myself "I went too far. I've gone too quickly with all this." My fears were assuaged however when she emailed me back saying she would love to, but again, had plans this evening. But she definitely wanted to meet up after I get back from Myrtle. Rah! And she said something about me not even knowing if she was fat and ugly. I said every girl I know says she's fat and ugly, so I don't put much stock in that. She came back and said, "Well, I'd be stupid to say that of myself. I'm a very small, young woman." So she may be a pygmy, but she's probably a cute little midget. :p

Looks like business has picked up today. Where there were no women in my life outside of, well, nowhere. I now have two rather interesting prospects. One is the Bank Card diva from the parent company of my bank. Really sweet voice, hopefully as hot as she sounds. :p Some of us are going to meet up after work on Friday for some dinner, and I asked her along. She said she couldn't this time, but was definitely interested in doing something as long as I gave her more warning. :p The other is the pierced girl from down the strip mall. She's a bit taller then me, thin, but in a sexy, statuesque sort of way, and has RED hair!! She's about perfect. Though if anything serious started, I'd hope she wouldn't want me to get pierced. I'm a pansy about that kind of thing. I'm taking donuts to her job under the pretense of trying to get her boss to maybe open some accounts, but it'll give me a good chance to ask her out. The only drawback of this is that I have a limited amount of time to ask her out, what with going on vacation next week. Oh well, such is life. I'll take what I can get. :P

Plausible Deniability. Now there's a term you don't often hear. But it just /sounds/ official. Of course, the only person who ever really uses it is the President when something goes wrong. "I never knew of it! He acted on his own! I have no knowledge of these activities!" Stuff like that. just a random thought.

I maybe, might, could be meeting a girl tonight. But of course, saying this on here pretty much means that I will /not/ be meeting her tonight. Such is the karma of the dating world. And it better be SUNNY, and WARM, and NOT RAINY, and NOT WINDY down at Myrtle. Because it was like that this morning out on the course, and I can't believe I wasted my money on the experience. ugh. But I got a workout. :) Looking for the positives here!!!

It finally happened. I couldn't take it any more and had to go to the doctor to get my finger taken care of. Of course my doctor couldn't take me, but I had to see someone, so the people at the medical center had to take care of business. I won't go into the gory details, but my finger feels better now. Which is good, what with a week left before I go to Myrtle. So after all that, I went to McGlyn's to meet up with the peeps. We hung out there for a while before some of us went to another party over the way. And there were some HOT chicks at this party! I mean, drop dead hot. And close enough to my age to not be illegal. Expcept for one. And of course, that's the one I talked to half the night. She's 19, a mechanic of all things, and hot as all hell. Had these little playboy bunny earrings, a pendant, and a belt with a bunny pendant on the band. Cute shit. But, le sigh, I didn't ask for her number. Might as well stay away from what I can't have. God I need to get laid. lol.

God damn my finger!! I just lanced the damn thing in two spots. Let's hope this remedies my little "bloated finger" problem. On a brighter note, seems the ladies are coming to me these days! lol. I have two online girlfriends. One's a buddy more like a gf, the other calls me sweetie now! LOL! And I hear the girls up at the Home office are all hot. Hopefully she's not the lone heiffer. And you know my standards aren't all the high, so she'd have to be pretty ugly to qualify for that status. :p And yet /another/ girl (rather militant on the feminist thing, but that's kind of cool too) might be seeing me later tongiht or tomorrow for some coffee and some convo. We'll see how that pans out. Must be diligent with the artwork also. Always helps to be productive on all fronts.

Filed my taxes tonight! Whoopie! I think it's the first time I filed before April in my life! But I can get my returns before I get to Myrtle, so an extra $400 will go well toward my play time. :) And anything I don't spend will go nicely toward my bills. MWHAHAH!! And I have an email girlfriend at the corporate offices. She takes care of bank card services and we flirt like no one's business!! Of course that's about all I do. Flirting's fun though. I can wait for actually dating full time. And I'm going to do a t-shirt design for the Delaware Humane Society. It'll be a small payday, but I can advertise at the event, and people with pets are notorious for wanting pictures, paintings, drawings, whatever for their beloved animals. They get a little goofy, but they pay well.

How an M&M tie can garner so much attention is beyond me, but the damn thing is a conversation starter if I've ever seen one. I like what one lady said though. That it must mean that I'm eye candy. LOL!! I just about fell over! I can live with that stigma. It's a tough life to live, but someone has to be ogled at. It'll be the first time for me. :p

Got my hair cut today. Though I have to let it grow out some more before I can style it at all. I went to a place one of my customers works at, so it was nice to do a bit of networking. I had trouble trying to tell her about my eyebrows and how I think I need to trim them back some. Just feels silly.

And I got to go undercover to some other banks today. My mission: to get fee schedules for business accounts, and home equity loan rates. My Cover: A young Illustrator who owns his own home (LOL! I know I know. Funny stuff) I even had some of my old business cards, just in case they asked for them. I went to three different places. Only one had any hot chicks. :\ But they had TWO of them, so that kind of made up for the other two spots. :p

Saw the Passion today. No words can describe it. I didn't like it. Didn't hate it. It was something I felt I needed to watch. And I do think people should watch it, but I doubt I'll ever watch it again. It just goes for your gut. You really start to understand what it meant to lay your life down for a friend. I always thought to myself that I wouldn't be like Peter. I would have been with Jesus the entire time. Fuck that. I would have pussed out too. No one can /willingly/ volunteer for the kind of torture and abuse he went through. It just boggles my mind. Fucking crazy shit. I'm sure I'll keep this one with me for a while. And the lessons learned will most likely be a long time in coming. It's just so much to take in at one time.

Well ain't that some shit. That old lady I was talking about a few weeks back who drove so slow that it was painful was in traffic with me again today. And of course, the same thing happened again!! I couldn't get away from the old bag!! I did towards the end, but basically, she hexed me man!! Some voodoo shit going on right here.

Won $10 at golf. Lost $5 on Nascar. Still came out on top. :) And fucking A!!! I got no sleep this weekend. Friday night at the bar and house party was late, and then last night we went back down to Newark for another party. I felt really good. Didn't touch a drink, and still managed to talk to girls and other folk (though mostly girls) all night long. No action was had, but considering my face looked like a smaller version of the moon, I wasn't in the mental mood to play my cards out. Maybe next time. Ugh....back to work tomorrow. I lover working there, but no matter where I work, I'd love to be able to show up later. :) Mornings suck.

I feel good. Went out with Emil and his gang last night. Was the D.D. becuase i can't drink, what with the cholesterol medication and what not, but had a good time nonetheless. Really felt like part of the group, mingled with the guys, actually talked to a couple of girls. Good times. The only thing I wish I could have worked my way through was my rampant paranoia of my own self confidence. I'm so worried about how I will come off in public, that I'm always self-assessing my actions. Did I say the right thing? Did I stare at them, or just make eye contact? Why do I have 13 fucking zits on my face right now? The zit thing was the worst part. Kept me from really trying to talk to girls. working out is good, but I really need to take a shower right after it. Not an hour or two later, because this zit thing just isn't helping my social agenda. :p But, like I said, I had a good time.

Sometimes a person's life just isn't interesting enough to make a comment on. This is one of those times. :)

And so I went and played golf with the guys yesterday (Sunday). And what did I get for my troubles? Two bleeding achilles tendons and some bad golfing. :p Oh well, the food afterward was good. Today I started my classes in lending and risk analysis, and I can honestly say even /I/ am intimidated by the sheer SIZE of some of these words. I have to read passages two or three times just to get the idea of what they're trying to say into my head. Though after 2 hours or so of staring at the screen (it's a CD-Rom course) my brain adjusted to the jargon, and it was easier to pick up. And in a final note of humiliation, I had some fat, ugly, 50 year old lookin' woman proposition me as I left the building. I was just making idle conversation with her and her friend when she said she wouldn't mind if I had bumped into her, and that I could do whatever I wanted. She would pay me. She said it kind of jokingly, but I started to shiver in revulsion. Apparantly a hole and heart beat aren't enough for me yet. :P

bought a new putter, a new strap for my golf bag, new shoes, and a golf flove today. All in anticipation of Myrtle Beach. MWHAHAHAH!!! I find out tomorrow whether or not any of this will help my game, as a bucnh of us will take advantage of the nice weather (and the lull in the Nascar season) to play some golf! RAH!!

Life's sweet ironies. I passed this old woman on the way to work this morning and took off at a pretty good clip from her. And of course I hit every light along the way. And no matter how fast I drove, or how sloooooow she drove, she always seemed to be right behind me in my rear view mirror. God I hated that. :) You hear about it all the time. The Tortoise and the Hare. Now, of course, this wouldn't happen every day. most days I would get the lights, or go through them while they're yellow and she would be left behind. But some times, it's just good to be put in your place like that. A small dose of humility. I'm not going to say whether I like it or hate, because really, that's not the issue. It's about knowing that you have a place, and no matter how high or low you are on the totem pole, you're just as special and important and worthy of life as the person next to you. And vice versa.

I hate fucking guilt trips. Everyone loves to just make you feel like no matter what you do, no matter what decision you make, you can sure as hell bet that they'll have a comment on how you could have done better. Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all I say. I got my shit together. And I do what I want damnit!! :p

WooHoo!! Free stuff is good stuff I always say! I came home today to find that Microsoft sent me a game. I guess there was a mix up and someone thought I didn't get a replacement for my damaged game. I got Halo a few days after they filed the report, but now I have Crimson Skies! MWHAHAHA!!!!

And life goes on......

Won the Nascar bet again!! MWHAHAH!! I have to save the $5 I made. That way if I lose next time, I won't be out $5. :) Time to do some work! RAH!!

Well. It was some crazy shit last night. :) Cet had her 22nd birthday party and things were going, ok. Some people were getting weird and what not, but nothing unusual for this crowd. That didn't last long however, as some of the undesirable element showed up, looking for a fight. I was upstairs, petting the cat, about to just pass out. I hadn't had a drink all night, and actually had coffee instead of beer. :p But I heard some commotion downstairs and was hoping someone had just fallen down. But after a good ten seconds or so I decided the party was over. As I got downstairs I saw people being seperated and what not, and did my best to get people to understand that they needed to leave. Of course, no one listened to me. :p That was to be expected though. So we finally got the people we didn't know moved outside and when I came back in, I was told I should call the cops. Of course, the second they got wind of that outside, they took off. And within 10 minutes, 3 cops showed up. LOL! That's when you know you live in the right neighborhood. :p I think I handled things pretty well. Didn't lose my temper. Didn't make an ass out of myself. Of course, I was still made fun of because I didn't call the police FAST enough. Well, I figure if that's the worst thing I get remembered for, I think I can live with it. :)

Went car shopping today. I'm just not sure if I can afford what I want. A 2003 grand prix would be nice. Though it's white, which isn't my favorite car color. The Oldsmobile Alero is kind of cool, if a bit chicky looking. The Bonneville was quite nice. Had LOTS of cool little after market features. But I don't think I can get it. It'll probably be a few months before i get something anyway, but the prospects are slim.

You know. Losing 10 pounds was easy. Seems I've already hit the wall with this whole diet thing. :p I need to lose at least twenty more. Hopefully I can lose up to 30. That'll put me at 180, and make me one sexy bitch!! Rawr!!! I can't give up though. I think I should be under 210 by the end of the week. That's positive thinking for you. :)

Well well well. Seems like there's a little angst brewing at the bank. :P Seems Tani (another teller who will soon be the head teller it seems) didn't show up for work today. (Sick son.) Though the same exact thing happened after the last holiday (so she basically got a 4 day weekend instead of the three day one we all got). now I don't personally care about this, but it seems the other ladies were a bit put out by this. Especially since her son had some really weird sickness. (He had a cough that made him throw up. Hey, I couldn't make it up if I tried.) So there was a lot of mumbling and grumbling amongst the assembled crowd, and they were all really happy that I stayed all day (was supposed to have a half day today.) Plus I'm coming in tomorrow to help out, and all of next week. They don't even care if I work overtime which is saying something huge!! So I've got all sorts of brownie points to be cashed in over a period of time, because you know I'm going to say something stupid sooner or later. :p

I was sitting there today, watching the Daytona 500 (which I won with a bet on Dale Earnhardt jr. :p ) and noticed my cousin and his new girlfriend holding hands. And it was like that new relationship holding hands, brushing fingers back and forth along each other's hands and what not, and it got me to thinking. That's what I really miss about being in a relationship. It's not the sex, or running around doing crazy stuff, or anything fickle like that. It basically comes down to two things. Holding hands and cuddling. I know if I were in a new relationship, it would be very hard to hold back my feelings of relief and joy that someone cared about me again. It's something I think all of us who have been "without" for a while have trouble doing. It's so easy to just jump right in and be totally enamoured with this new person to the point where you get attached way too early and become dependant upon this other person. I know I've felt like that before, and it feels great at the time, but it can come back to bite you so quickly. But god, it felt wonderful just to be in the room with something like that. And even if their relationship doesn't work out, I'm glad I was there to see them holding hands. It brought me back to a happy place I guess. And that, in and of itself was a good thing. :) And that's why I love Valentine's Day. I know a lot of people don't agree with it and all, but I've never been with someone on that day, and I'd love to just do something very special for that. Maybe some day. :)

It's the little things in life. Like getting stuff moved and cleaned and organized. Well, two out of three ain't bad. And I think I managed to slip some roses into the house and up to my mom's bedroom without her knowing it. I performed this covert operation by first, not bringing the flowers into the house right away, acting non-chalantly (right), and eventually bringing them in the back way and hiding them in a box that I was taking to the attic. Hopefully they'll last long enough in the vase (yes I put water in the vase). I'd hate for her to go up stairs tonight and see a bunch of wilted flowers by the bedside.

Day 300,000 or so of my intrepid adventure into the inner workings of my mind. So far, it's a lot like purgatory. A vast emptiness which I seem to be doomed to wander forever. MWHAHAH!!! I don't really know what the hell that was all about, but I it sounded funny, and it was the first thing that came into my head. Eagerly awaiting my trip to Myrtle beach in late March, early April. Hopefully something interesting will happen so I don't completely waste my time (and yours) on here. :p

I had some really friggin' weird dreams last night into this morning. (Had today off, so I could sleep in.) And they always get weirder after you've been lying in bed for a bit awake and fall back asleep. You know, one of those dreams where you're in and out of consciousness the entire time. It was just.....weird. But I killed the bad guy (and his son because he was evil too.) and I saved the day!! Huzzah to me!!

I loathe going to Waldenbooks anymore. I'm glad I won't have to do it any longer. Two more nights and I'm done.

Back to the grind of healthy eating and exercising. Went for an hour or so tonight on the NordicTrack. I seem to have a lot more energy if I've had a good sized meal for dinner instead of some rabbit food. Must be the carbs. :p Seems to me that the people who don't want to eat carbs are the ones who are unwilling to exercise. All the Atkin's diet folk I know of are heavyset folk who would rather cut out an entire section of a healthy diet just to avoid a little activity. Then again, what do I know. :)

Saw Serpico last night. For those who are unfamiliar with the movie, it stars a young Al Pacino as a New York cop who is outraged at the corruption in the New York police departments. He acts a lot like I do in that movie. For better and worse. :p Today I'm trying to get some artwork done. Have a couple t-shirt designs to finish and maybe work on some Children's book stuff. I figure I might as well see how well those mental muscles are working. :)

Whole lot of nothing going on. Sometime's that's kind of nice. :)

nothing amazing happened today. Well, nothing amazing enough to talk about. :) I'm tired. I think I might go to bed early. *gasp*

woke up this morning to drive to work only to find out a watermain had broken on one of the highways I take to the bank, so traffic was just about a bitch. Later in the day I thought I'd inquire about taking full time at the bank, as I was seriously debating just quitting Waldenbooks. Well, debate no longer. I found out the head teller is taking on more account opening sorts of responsibilities, so they were going to hire a new teller and maybe cut back my hours. I of course said FUCK THAT! And took the full time position. The extra I make should cover the amount I'll be losing from Walden's. And I'll be working about 10 hours less a week. So it's probably for the best. But I'll miss my open Wednesdays. Ah, the choices we have to make. :)

I had one of those dreams last night where you wake up afterwards saying things to yourself like "Holy beJesus!" Or "What the hell?!" I dreamt I was working some part time job, something like a catering service I guess because there was a party and all these people from some family having a good time. I was just hanging around, shooting the breeze with random people when this Indian or Pakistani or Basically MIddle Eastern guy came up to me and said he needed me to stay later to help out with some stuff. I looked at the clock, and it was about 11:30, and I knew my shift ended at 10. So I said I couldn't, I wanted to get home and go to bed. He started saying I had to, and it blew up from there. We started yelling at each other and all this crazy stuff, and eventually he said he was going to call the cops. I told him to go right ahead. I was within my rights not to work for him, but someone whispered in my ear that his brother was the cop he was calling. Of course I sat there and said "I don't care! I'm right!" yet another time where I can't seem to look past my righteous fury. :p Though I think this whole dream had something to do with working at Waldenbooks last night. The store manager is a complete idiot. She couldn't manager her way out of a paper bag. So of course we got out of there much later then we should have. Luckily I don't have to close with her the rest of the week. But I really need to find another part time job. This one is just retarded. Though the discount and free "rental" of books is nice. :P (I'm such a hypocrite. Yes, I know. It's in my nature.)

Went to try and vote on the Democratic primaries, but registered independents can't vote in DE like they can in New Hampshire. *sniffle* And it is RIAINING outside!! Just the walk from the car to the school where the polling spot was got me drenched. I ran back to the car after I got out and it was even worse! So I'm happy to be inside now. :p

Now I just have to figure out how to get some of these rebates on my new computer stuff.

Happy Birthday to Me. :)

Had a good time today. Though I completely broke down on the diet. I should be able to get back on track this week. So far it's been about 10 pounds. Down to 210. I've got at least 20 more to go. Saw the Super Bowl. A lot better game then I thought it would be. And hanging out at the club was better then I thought it would be. And Nat sent me a birthday e-gram. :) That was nice. I was wondering if I would get something or not. I am pleased.

Oh, and if you want to play a game that will scare the ever loving crap out of you, Silent HIll is the stuff. It's like a Resident Evil type of game with undead thingies running around everywhere. But these undead thingies are just down right disgusting. Mismatched boday parts, scabby skin, burnt flesh, yuk. To give you an idea. One of the thingies is a hodge podge of two lower bodies. One set of legs to walk on, and another set of legs attached upside down that acts as a torso. Freaking weird! Add that too the fact that you're either in dark corridors with just a flashlight, or out on city streets where the fog only lets you see a few feet in front of you with creepy sounds coming out of the mist, and you get an idea of what it's like. Don't ever play it in the dark!!!

That's it. I'm done!

I remembered what I was I wanted to say the other day. I've noticed lately that you can't just strike up conversations with random people anymore. It used to be easy to talk to someone standing in line next to you waiting for something, or if you bump into them by accident and what not. Now, the only people willing to say more then two words to you are guys who are trying to sell you something. Usually it's someone who's trying to get you to sell their business to other people. Shit like that. Sad sad sad. I miss talking to random people. It used to be fun.

And I finally got the cholesterol medication. After much red tape and gnashing of teeth I've started on it. Yummy. Tastes like chicken.

I had a profound observation to make earlier today.....but I forgot what it was. :p So I guess I'll just have to be content with being the happy me and move on. I have the entire weekend to myself. No work on Saturday, and the Super Bowl on Sunday. Though I don't really feel like watching the game. Can't really eat a lot of food. Can't drink. So I'll pretty much be paying $20 to go to the Italian club to hang out with people I should be able to hang out with for free. :\ Seems like the fraternity I never wanted to be a part of. But I am thinking of taking a trip to Washington D.C. on Saturday. Maybe stay over night, or got to Baltimore. The riverfront there can be fun at night. Now I just need to find a date. :p

We had a customer at the bank today who is from Poland. He had his passport on him and it was completely in Polish. And the first thing that came to my mind was 'I bet Nat would know what this all says.' I was hoping I could remember where she lived. I like striking up conversations with people from other ocuntries that I've either been too or Nat's been to. Helps break the ice and what not. But I find that at least once a day, something reminds me of her. And it's all silly, little stuff. Something as simple as watching a movie that has actors with British accents. Or reading about places I've been with her. Random stuff like that. Now I'm not depressed about that or anything, in fact it's kind of nice to reminisce a little bit. It just seems funny how little things in life can remind you of something completely different. :)

Got my Xbox back from the repair center. Of course they either gave me a completely new one free of charge, or they wiped the memory on it, so all of my saved game files are gone! GAH!! It's no fun playing the same game 3 times over. :\ So I'll take some time off from the Xbox to do other things. I have some art I could do. Though artwork nowadays seems like too much work. I don't enjoy doing it like I used to. The inspiration is always there. Ideas abound, but I am forever disgruntled with my own personal ability to actually bring to life the visions I see in my head. People say I do good work, but I look at it and only see the flaws. What I can do to make a piece better, yada yada. I guess I just need a muse. Something to inspire me. :) Know of any? :p

I have now managed to completely remove my old computer and /replace/ it with my NEW computer! MWHAHAH!!! I can now play the Sims without having to save every three seconds and wait for my computer to crash! I spent the first few hours getting my little guy's logic, creativity, charisma, and other little attributes up to full power before letting him get a job and making the big bucks. :p Of course, I have like 15 other games I can play now too!

Sometimes life just deals you fucking lemons, and you either make lemonade, or bitch about all the rotting lemons you've got hanging around you. So I've decided I'm going to have to take Lipitor, regardless of my severe reservations about the drug's long term effects on my body. For those of you who don't know, Lipitor is a cholesterol inhibiting drug. It interacts with your liver to regulate the amount of cholesterol your body produces. The problem is that it could also adversely affect your liver and could cause damage to it. Hence the reason I'm not too keen on taking it. This basically means I won't be able to drink alcohol anymore, which in and of itself isn't the worst thing in the world, but damnit, it'd be nice to have a drink with friends from time to time. Now I have to cut that out. Plus the things I can't eat any more, plus getting guilt trips for all the other things I'm not doing right in other people's eyes. I don't mind hearing constructive criticisms or ideas on how to improve my appearance for women and what not, or how to control my confrontational personality, but when I say "I understand how you feel, but you also have to understand that we're just going to disagree on this subject.", that means I'm done discussing the issue. I don't want to hear /more/ of what the other person thinks I should. Or what I'm doing wrong. I'm just tired of fighting. So yet again, I'll do it someone else's way. I'll just take the damn drug, and if I develop some kind of cancer or something from that, I'm sure I'll be blamed for something I did wrong while I was on the drug. It will never be the drug. It'll be I ate a piece of sausage or something. I was in a room that had second hand smoke, and that caused my cancer of the liver. I can see it now. By the way, I'm mad.

Finally, the weekend. Of course I have no plans, but it gives me time to acquaint myself with my NEW COMPUTER!!!

Just a quick one tonight. I got my computer today and will be feverishly setting it up!! Yummy.....

The part time job sounds like it's going to get a lot less appealing here in the next few weeks. Seems if you're good enough to stay on the payroll after X-mas, they give you more responsibility. Now I have to manage an entire section of the store. Of course this doesn't come with a pay raise. If this were my only job, I might not say anything, but I have a good job, and this one is paying next to nothing. Time to look for another one it seems. Though I need to find something that pays a lot better. Working for peanuts just isn't worth my time.

Gotta love government holidays. :) And I'm actually doing something constructive for a change!! Making birthday cards, cards for friends in general, and hopefully, some actual artwork itself. I need to digitally fix a painting, and work on another. Work work work. :) And I've set up my old DVD player down here in the basement, so now I can watch ANY movie I own while I work. I'm sure this will help........lol.

Yup. The Eagles lost. And this time it was for the right reasons (if you can justify it that way.) Damn receivers are crap. We didn't deserve to win. But my graham cracker pudding cake was a success!! Gotta take the good with the bad I guess. :) I love stuff that takes less then a half an hour to make and has everyone saying "YUM!!" Oh, and older chicks can be very hot. My aunt brought over a friend of hers that I know from when I was doing the art full time to see the game, and I couldn't take my eyes off her. She's about 46 or so, but has a great butt and is a lot more intelligent then she sounds. (She has one of those nasal sort of voices). And apparantly I had a crush on her when I was 6, but I don't remember that. (She's the one who told me I did!) So I figure I might as well pick up where I left off with her. :p

It's funny how some days it just seems like every person you see is with someone else. Must be the weekend. :p I think I'm having post-large-purchase-anxiety. Friggin $1,200!!! Gah!! I'm stupid!! Oh well. Not like I have to spend money on anything else. :p

Dude!! I just bought a Dell!! Yes. I decided it was high time I upgrade my computer, (and by default upgrade my mother's PC which is about as much of a dinosaur as you can find these days, what with it's 75mhz processor and large 650MB hard drive, along with a whopping 14.4 modem. yummy. :p ) I just figured I couldn't pay for it outright, but I sure as hell can FINANCE it!! MWHAHAHA!! Though the credit report asked some personal questions to verify my identity that I almost didn't remember. :p So that would have been funny. To be denied credit because of my selective memory.

Besides that, it seems like another Friday night at home. Have to watch Dr. Strangelove before it's due tomorrow, so I guess it's good that no one calls me. I was checking my cell today to see how far back I could trace my incoming calls. The phone only holds the last 10 calls you've recieved, and I can trace one back to November 29th. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth having the damn thing, but that'll be the day I need it I guess. :) Such is life in the big world.

And for the love of Pete, could I ever find a woman?!!! Just someone who likes a nice dinner, maybe a play or musical. Some fucking culture!!! <----and that should be an oxymoron. Like Military intelligence, or Jumbo Shrimp. :p

Broke down and bought a Cinnabun today. Love those things, but they are SOOOOO very bad for you. oh well. Back to the pills and salads tomorrow. Hopefully, if all goes according to plan tomorrow, I'll be buying some new golf shoes and a nice fat driver to take with me to Myrtle Beach in March. I'm looking forward to perusing their wares at the DuPont country Club. MWHAHAHAH!!!! :p

That's right baby! The Eagles have survived to see another week in the playoffs and that's about just the best things that's happened all weekend. :p Great game, though I would have loved to see a blowout. But a win is a win, and we'll see Carolina next week. Pasta at the grandparents was good today, nice and spicy, the way I like it; and pretty much just a day to recover from everything in life. A good day for reflection and introspection. That's why I like having this day to myself. Gives me some time to think about who I am and what I want out of life. Some interesting things come to mind too. Guess I'll have to expound on them at some time in the future. ;)

I think I've finally kicked the flu bug out the door. (Rat bastard that he is. That'll teach him not to pay the rent!!) Now I have to get back to the good eating and exercising to help keep off the weight I lost in the last week. And I don't think much of it was due to the illness. I've been doing pretty well food wise (though tonight was a mental breakdown as I made a run for the border to Taco Bell) and as I can jump back on the stationary bike 3 or 4 times a week, I should be well on my way to the 200 (pound) mark within a month or so. I figure a few pounds every three or four days is more then enough. The bitch will be when I hit about 195. Those last 10 or 15 pounds I want to lose will be there hardest I'm sure.

Still sick. It's annoying. I usually only get sick for a day, or two at the most. This is going on 4. ugh. I think I'm going to run up to Blockbuster and bust out some movie rentals and just hole myself up in my room for the day. I don't have anywhere to be, and I doubt anyone will call to ask if I'm even able to go out, so I should be able to get some long movies or some season long DVDs. I love DVDs for that. You can watch a show from the first episode to the last now if you so desire. :) It would have been so amazingly annoying to do that with VHS. Especially the rewinding! Thank you DVDs!!

Still fairly sick, though not as congested as yesterday thank god. And I'm hungry. For what, I don't know, but I'm hungry!! Oh well. And you know you're out of it when a girl is giving you looks while she's ringing you up and you're wondering if you're giving her the look of a suave, sexy guy, or the piercing stare of a raving psychopath. In the end, I figured I was sick and it didn't matter either way, but you still have to wonder. :p

And I'm thinking about maybe taking a trip back to Europe at some point in the next year or two. I'm not much for whirlwind tours, so I may keep it to one or maybe two countries. I haven't been to Germany yet, so that might be cool. There's so much to see. I'll have to plan well, unless I take 2 full weeks of vacation. Though these days, I don't know too many companies that allow you to take that much time off. Then again, I'm a nobody, so they might not care as much. :p

I am just about as sick as I can get. Feels like I have a lake sitting somewhere behind my nose and eyes. Need sleep.

This is one of those days where my life seems completely boring. AND I LOVE IT!!! Went to the grandparents for lunch (yum yum, good farfale pasta), took mom mom to the grocery store, which was interesting because she likes to slam dunk her purchases into the cart instead of placing them, so it's probably best that I was there, or there could have been an egg catastrophe in aisle 15. Now I'm home, doing NOTHING AT ALL!!! MWHAHAHAH!! It's nice. Me likey mui mui. :p

Stayed up till 4 am last night. Didn't get out of bed till 4 this afternoon. Must have been a day off. But it wasn't. Had to work the part time job tonight. No biggie. Just did what I had to do and came home. Yummy. (not)

Ah, another Friday night here at home. I guess it's best this way. I just don't fit in sometimes. I think that has a lot to do with me personally. I have to get over my fears of being the outcast and just be with people. I think I did well today. Took my vitamins, did the oatmeal, salad, and sushi (yum yum) for dinner. Now I'm fighting hard to /not/ eat something late at night. I think I can win this battle. Tomorrow I may try some painting. I have the time, just need to get the will. HUZZAH!!!

So here we are. The final parties for the season are through. No real excuses now to eat stuff that's bad for me (except the occasional chocolate fix of course. :p ) And I /need/ to do something!! So my new year's resolution is to drop 100 points off of my cholesterol count. Right now I'm at 350, and at 3 times the risk for a heart attack then most people are. I figure if I can get it down to 250 (which still isn't ideal, but it would be an improvement along with being the lowest score i've ever had) it would also mean that I've lost the weight I want to lose, and hopefully feel better about myself then I do at the moment. Now I'm not saying I hate myself or anything, but I don't have the confidence to ask girls out or just be myself in public with the way I look and feel right now. So that's my goal. Whether I want it to be or not, that's pretty much my #1 priority in life right now.